How did your marriage survive emotional abuse?

Question

A friend of mine is leaving her husband who is emotionally abusive. I know that without some serious counseling, it's difficult for an abusive person to change. If you've been in this situation, did it ever get better? My suspicion is that things remain the same. If her husband has spent the past decade being controlling, verbally abusive and selfish then he'll continue that habit. How did you marriage survive emotional abuse?

Answer 1

My parents have been married for 28 yrs now. My father was also verbally abusive as well as physically abusive. As a kid i can remember the arguments they had and when my father used to beat my mother while she was pregnant.

He eventually stopped when i was 12 or 13 yrs old. They went to counselling and started to go to church. I think he met someone people who really turned his life around. Since then he has not hit my mother and if he did my mother would probably fight back.

There is always a slight chance that he can change for the better. As they grow older the more they realise the things they did werent good. Some change not all. All you can do is hope

Answer 2

I think every marriage experiences some kind of emotional abuse.  For a decade or thirty minutes.  Therapy teaches countless people how to control what they say.  Men are the worst for not thinking before speaking when they are angry.  Ladies also.  I suggest therapy!!!

Answer 3

This is my third, and it really doesn't change for the better. It gets worse. We're separating. I will be so much more happy without that in my life. My biggest mistake was in thinking that when I was diagnosed with lung cancer that things would change and get better, and it didn't. He continued to be his hateful, self centered self. I have totally had enough. I'm done. Let your friend know she really needs to seek outside help in this situation. Yes he has a serious problem but it effects her in a negative way so she needs help to overcome what he's done to her. Your a good friend for trying to help. God bless.    

Answer 4

Had an ex wife like that. I hardened up to the point that I was no longer a desirable target, and she left. Good riddance.

Answer 5

It didn't, and yes i left and yes she still does it and always will. Just like her father. Would never attend counselling as they think there is nothing wrong with the way they treat people. So Its a vicious circle. Only danger is that he may promise to change but thats a big ask and unlikely to happen overnight

Answer 6

It doesn't get any better! In fact it gets worse! Your friend has made the right decision to leave. She's waited enough and he is never going to change. She needs your support now so take her to a movie or out to eat. Once she leaves, she will regain her independence and will love feeling FREE!!!!

Answer 7

If he's been that way all that time, he's not going to change.  She needs to get out before it escalates to physical abuse.  My ex was controlling, verbally abusive, and selfish.  We split up, and he tried to kill his second wife.  It doesn't get better, and it's likely to get worse.