Question:

How do I accept my brothers new girl when she's only 18 and he's 28?

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This is a very difficult situation and is pulling my family apart. My bro was married, was having issues in the marriage, went and cheated on his wife with a 17 yr. old and meanwhile was being charged with child pornography (he insists that he didn't know that a file was attached to another p**n file he downloaded. never the less he left it in his comp. at work and they were updating comps. that night and the comp. tech found it and turned it in). The girl knew that he was married but still pursued him. He and his wife are now seperated and the girl turned 18, she's still in high school. As a married woman whose husband had an affair with our 17 year old babysitter, it obviously pisses me off. We got into a confrontation about it, he physically attacked me, or tried to, about how wrong he is to be with this girl, and why I won't accept her, which is because of how their relationship started, her age, and the hurt feelings it brings back of my own husbands affair. Now it's time to make peace and he won't unless I accept her, I can't do it. I don't agree with their relationship, and looking at the two of them reminds me of all of the pain I went through and continue to go through because of my husbands affair. His affair wasn't just s*x here and there. They were in a relationship behind my back for 6 months. I'm still dealing with this, it's been 3 years, but I decided 2 years ago to try to work things out with him since he's trying so hard himself (counseling, things like that), and he is a good guy that f***ed up big time. How do accept her? Am I wrong to feel this way? Or is it wrong for him to demand that I accept her? He doesn't no of my husbands affair, no one in my family does. It's too painful for me to tell them and would only embarras me if I did tell them, so it's not an option. Please help!!!!!!! I need other points of view on the subject!

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  1. its nothing u really can do, ur brother is just a pedifile... he likes kids... u could tell how u feel about the situation but its up to him to change his ways


  2. I can't really tell you what you should do, but if I found out my brother was a cheater and looked child p**n, I would say "s***w him," and let him take care of his own life. The fact is that HE decided to cheat, regardless of the girl "pursuing him." No one can make you cheat. So he is a cheater, regardless of the new girl. Factor in that he reacted violently, and that makes him an abuser, too. I don't hang out with people like that. So that would be the end of our friendship, brother or no brother, until he straightened out his life. By "accepting" her, you are enabling him and legitimizing his actions. I would tell him to get lost. Then stay away when he is around. It might create friction in your family, but if they love you, they will respect your decision... and if they are smart, they will emulate it.

    But that's just me. Consider this, though: I HAVE cut people off in my life that were users and abusers. Haven't talked to my dad in 10 years, in fact. And guess what? I'm happy. I'm successful. I have a great marriage. And the fact that I keep toxic people out of my life is one of the reasons for it. I guarantee it.  

  3. Okay you have 2 problems here.

    the first is you haven't forgiven your husband for cheating on you. You are letting all of your emotions from what happened to you rule over what is happening to your brother and his now girlfriend. It wasn't right for your husband to do what he did or your brother. If someone wants to be free to do that be a man and be honest enough to say to your wife- you are not sure anymore. The grass may have seemed greener at the time for your husband but if he is trying to work it out with you there is still love left. you need to figure out if you can forgive him and move on from where you are now or you will need to let him go- so you can find happiness.

    The second problem is that your brothers marriage ended over something that is still tearing you up inside. Whether or not you approve of how they met and came together- keep it to yourself. He is your brother, and you should only want what is best for him and for him to be happy. If he is happy with his new girlfriend let him be.

    Your family is there to support you- and maybe if they knew what had happened(with your husband) you could heal and move on- with your relationship with your brother. They love you do not be afraid of being embarrassed.

    Whether your marriage can be saved is really hard to say- it is up to you on that. forgiveness is hard to do when its over infidelity in a marriage. Best of luck

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