How do I apologize to my husband?

Question

My husband and I have been working on our relationship since he returned home. I found out that he has seen his "ex mistress" and I chose to not confront him. I let the anger build up and felt sad about it.

Last week, I finally broke down and we had a huge fight. It started out as a perfect day and we even made love. But something triggered in my mind, and I just went off on him. I was asking all kinds of questions about him and his ex, about him and I. He got really mad about it and I told him I didn't want to talk to him. He said we need to cool off and take a couple days off. He ended up going to a hotel, hasn't called me and I tried to call today but he wouldn't answer. I know his ego is hurt because of the things I said to him and now he is probably wondering why he even came home.

I want to make things right between us, but he won't talk to me right now. He is really stubborn and wants to avoid any kind of confrontation. I want to send him an email or write him a letter, but what should I say? I know I have a right to be hurt but I chose the wrong way to act out the pain. What now?

Answer 1

I don't think you had anything to apologize for. He saw he ex-mistress and so he has to take what is coming to him. Why should you have to be soooo nice?  He needs to  to leave no question unanswered. He never should have put you in a position where you had to even ask. Working on the relationship means he there is nothing to hide or be ashamed of. He has to quit working on his ego and work on showing love. What might happen if you saw a recent ex-lover? He'd probably be just as angry. He has to step-up and and tell that woman to go straight to h**l.

Now, work on taking care of yourself. If you called his cell, it will show and he has to do something.

If he didn't want his ego to hurt he shouldn't have shown lack of character and seen the woman.

Answer 2

What do you mean he has SEEN his ex-mistress?  Please don't tell me that fool has been cheating on you & you're trying to apologize to HIM.

Answer 3

tell him to stay the f**k where he is. he's probably with her. if it's his ex mistress then why did he see her again. why would you apologize? if he hadn't did it you would have nothing to blow up about. you're the one that's hurting. he's looking for his cake and tryna eat it too. dont be his fool. love and respect yourself cuz it's not gaurenteed from anyone else.

Answer 4

Is he avoiding confrontation or avoiding a screaming attack. You don't need to apologize for feeling angry. You need to apologize for holding in until you blew. He knew there was something stewing. He really did. And, since you've been together a while, he had to spend the time in between wondering when you were going to throw the tantrum. Of course, the apology means nothing if you're going to keep on doing it. It takes a deliberate effort and attention to change that, and the two of you need to agree that you CAN speak up and he is bound to listen to you without screaming himself. That does not mean you just throw the tantrum the moment you get angry. It's better than waiting, but not much better.  

Answer 5

Try and find him or email or even call. (use *67 so he won't know) Just tell him you love him and that you were both wrong and that no matter what you say, you'll always love him.

Answer 6

Tell him just that. You should have said something right away but thought you could let it go but you were not able to and unfortunately it just all came out in a terrible way and that your sorry you exploded but would really like to talk about it.Tell him you will make more effort to communicate when things bother you rather then bottle them up!

Answer 7

just say sorry to him

or do something that would make him happy

Answer 8

I don't know.  It sounds like a losing situation to me.  He had a mistress and now your trust is gone.  I think you should just pick up what you have left of your self esteem and move on.  I think there's too much dirty water under your bridge to recover the relationship.

Answer 9

You don't need to apologize.But I understand how you feel.He should be the one to apologize about what he did.You should apologize for the things you said...that's it. You will need to forgive him and both of you need to start fresh in order to make things work out for the both of you.If he's stubborn,then that might be a problem...Best of Luck!

Answer 10

Wait... he went to see his "ex mistress" and then when you confronted him he got pissed? Then you need to apologize to HIM?

Okay, sorry but this is all mixed up. He should be the one apologizing to YOU and making it up BIG TIME so you won't throw his *** out!

If he literally went to a hotel like a little boy and he couldn't stay to cool off and then rehash it later, you married a child. Do you really want to make anything up with him?

He's probably over there right now pokin' his mistress, you better not think he's crying or anything.. men don't spend time in hotels crying over their marriage. They either fix it or go back to their mistress.

Answer 11

let it go/work on today/the past will never be-corrected/forgive him like jesus forgave us all/ good luck.

Answer 12

Explain how what he is doing makes you feel.  If he has had an affair and then left you to go to hotel room, what do you think he is doing right now?  It doesn't look good.  Go to the place he's staying at and try to talk to him about it face to face.

Answer 13

Sweetie its not your  fault ........ If my husband see his ex i would have blown up .... Don t call him ... let him call you ... Be a strong women ...