How do I apologize to my wife and get her to love me again?

Question

My wife and I are going through a hard time right now. She is my life and I would give her the world if she'd let me. I wrecked my motorcycle and another girl was on the back. Nothing happened between us. She was my friend's friend and I was just giving her a ride. I love my wife too much to be unfaithful to her. Now she has that and 3 whole years of stuff built up in her head. I wasn't always there for her, I would go riding or hang out with friends until late at night. I never went out clubbing or nothing like that, just put them before her. I wrote my ex once when I thought my wife was cheating(she wasn't) and told her that she was the only person I could trust and I needed to talk to her. I was very pissed and wasn't thinking of the consequences of writing her. My wife means everything to me and now she has just blocked our love out. She still talks to me and I see her and our kids(2) almost everyday because she's staying with her mom right down the street. We talk, but not about the relationship. She says she still loves me as a person, but I've hurt her to much. Do I have to make her fall in love with me all over again? I'll do whatever it takes. Her and those kids are my life and I'm so empty without them.

Answer 1

She needs security and stability especially if she is the one responsible for taking care of the kids. She does not need to be also looking after another kid (you). I don't know if this can be fixed. Have you tried counselling?

Answer 2

My husband and I have been going through a rough time also. We talked. We decided to start at the beginning. Like dating again.  So that is where we are now and it's been fun. We actually talk to each other now. Maybe you and your wife could try dating again. Just take it one little step at a time and give it time.  I wish you both a lot of luck.

Answer 3

You can't make her do anything. She needs to heal first before she's ready, if ever, to hear anything out of you. When you do eventually talk about the relationship just be honest. Took some time to wreck this, it's going to take some time to repair it.

Answer 4

Too little too late as the story goes.

It's sad when love dies isn't it?

I doubt there is anything you can do.  You had all those years and you blew it.

Maybe in time there could be some hope but if she's gone already I highly doubt it.  She would not have made that decision easily.

Out with friends driving a friend?  Yeah right.  And you put them before her...as I said too little too late.

Answer 5

You said you will do whatever it takes. Ask her to forgive you and tell her how much her and the kids mean to you and show her as well. Then ask her if she would go to Christian counseling. If she won't then you go. I wished my husband would of went. Put God first in everything you do. God can turn the impossible into the possible. Ask him for his will for your life. When God brings your family together pray together, read the bible and go to church. Believe me being around other believers who will pray with you and lift you up is an encouragement. Read Matt 6:33, Rom 8:28 I will be praying for your family.

God Bless

Faith

Answer 6

No Eve is wrong, you shouldn't give in if they're your life. She left because she's hurt and has self respect.

You gotta do whatever it takes, tell her how you feel, put yourself at her mercy, tell her how you love her and tell her what she can expect from you. Take responsibility for whatever you did do wrong and be completely honest. Ask her to give you a shot if you meant anything at all she'll eventually hear you from seeing the effort you put in. You really messed stuff up and it will maybe take years to get what you had back but if she loves you at all she'll eventually see the effort you're making and listen to what you're saying. AND NEVER LOOK SUSPICIOUS OR PUT HER NEXT AGAIN. Good luck man.

Answer 7

Look at the situation and come to the full realization that it is going to take some time to fix. Then make the commitment to do it every minute of every day with no expectation of anything in return. Once you have done this and are sure that you can do it, get started and don't look back. At some point you will start getting something in return. It may take a while but if you're really feeling what you say, the wait is worth it. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes.  

Answer 8

First of all, no-one cannot make anyone do anything without their permission. and if you so happen to find a way to make a person do or feel a certain way that is just in pure violation and deceptive. You don't wanna start out or rekindle any relationship by force do you? Since you two are apart its called "your both putting on your thinking caps time" give it some time if you rush into anything too soon you could make it worse. You both have had multiple trust issues and you both need to learn how to get passed them. this vengeful game of contacting an ex or possibly trying to date another to make the other mad must stop permanently because that is not constructive in any relationship.

How do you apologize? easy you need to make time where no distractions are around (kids/mom-inlaw/whatever) and find a neutral place not a romantic place because she isn't stupid she can easily find out if your trying to schmooze her back than put it all on the table. your feelings, but make sure you also give her a chance to express her feelings also, don't overtalk her. if the past comes up, retract any attempts to be defense and remember this "THE PAST is called the past for a reason" don't utilize the past to fuel a fight just let her know from the beginning of the conversation if either of us bring up the past it is ONLY to convey a current feeling and quickly back it up with how you  have learned from it and am willing to move on.  

Answer 9

You have been emotionally unfaithful to her.  That's what it means when she didn't come first on a regular basis for all those years.

You need to put her first NOW.  If she is cold or rebuffs you,  realize that she is working out all that mistrust.  If you have not put her first for three years,  it is not unreasonable to expect that she will need to see you do the right thing for a year or more before she trusts you.  If your family is your life,  REALLY,  this will not be that hard for you.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

You need to rebuild everything and I think the first step is getting rid of the toys and the hobbies and show her you are there every moment of every day that you can be.  I hate to tell you how immature the whole question and dialog sounds but hopefully you'll reread it and notice it just by a few keys...your interest in other women, your hobbies, your mannerisms and your lack of interest in your wife and family.  Time to just grow the h**l up and move on...whether you can do it with her or by yourself is up to her.  She has apparently deserved better and you weren't man enough to give it to her until now when it's probably too late.

Answer 11

wow. this is hard. yes you have to try to have her fall in-love again.but really if you rush in, you might feel like you did later. give it time. and if its meant tobe it will happen.  

Answer 12

Well, even though you havent actually cheated on her physically, you have emotionally cheated on her and that can have just as much of an impact as having a sexual affair with someone.

You have given her reason not to trust you, and whats a relationship without trust??