How do I approach my son's biological father after 12 years?

Question

My 12 year old son has never met his biological father and he has asked if he can meet him. How do I approach his biological father with this after 12 years of no communication? And should I? I am concerned that he will not want to meet my son.

Answer 1

I don't think you should. It would probably be very hard on your son. And, if he doesn't want to meet him, that could be very hard on your son.

Answer 2

I would start by talking to your son about it first.  Explain that while his father may be very happy to hear from him, there's a chance that he might feel awkward about meeting him - especially if he's assumed that he will never be a part of your son's life.  He might worry what your son will think of him, or that your son will want more from him than he's willing or able to give.  He might worry how your son's sudden appearance in his life will affect his current relationships.  And it's possible that the whole experience of giving up his son caused him a lot of pain and guilt, and he'd prefer to keep that part of his life in the past and not be reminded of it.

Of course, there's a good chance his father WILL want to meet him, and hopefully it will work out that way.  But just in case he doesn't, your son will feel less rejected if he's prepared for that possibility ahead of time, and if he knows the REASONS his father might feel that way.

Once your son is prepared for either outcome... why not have him write his father a letter?  He could say somethings like:

"I'm sure you can imagine that I've thought about you a lot, and I guess you may have sometimes wondered about me, too.  So I thought you might like to hear a little about me and how I've been."  And he could go on to write a little about himself, what his interests are, what activities he's involved in, etc, and send a recent picture of himself.  And then he could close by saying something like: "I'd really like to meet you sometime if you're comfortable with that, or at least just keep in touch."

That way, his father won't feel a lot of pressure to suddenly become a "father" to your son, but it will open the lines of communication and the possibility of them forming some sort of relationship.

Good luck!  I really hope it works out well for your son!  =]

Answer 3

at first get in touch with him! then tell him about your son wanting to meet & how old he is maybe show a picture of him. & just express how much he wants to meet him. yes i think you should because your son wants to meet him & he should have the oppurtunity to meet his father & not just wonder his whole life. & if he doesn't want to meet his OWN son he's a very sorry man & he's pathetic.