How do I ask my parents about my adoption?

Question

I want to know more about my adoption. My parents have never kept it a secret or avoided talking about it really but I would like to know what information, if any, they had about me, etc.

How do I go about asking them? I feel like they will think I am not happy with them which is DEFINATELY not it. I just would like to know more.

Answer 1

Just ask. Hopefully when they've talked about it they encourage you to ask when you're ready. They probably have been anticipating this moment just the same as you.

Well at least hopefully.

Good luck

Answer 2

what you have to do is, when you are all together bring a story just like the way you think you are, and after you ask them about the story. then later you ask them more about yourself. you just pretend as if you dont know any thing ok

Answer 3

It depends on how old you are. If you are a teenager still in highschool staying at home; a young college undergraduate; out of home and working and on your own. I am saying this, because a person faces different issues at different stages in life. Also how many siblings you have and any one of them adopted?

     It is human nature to be curious. But simple curiosity could hurt your parents and start wondering what is bothering you. If they are so loving and giving, they would answer all your questions just the way real parents will guide their child. The possibilities are(assure them they and only they are your parents, neither they will loose you nor you are ready to loose them at any cost):

1. Someone else in the school asked you and you don't know how to answer that question in future. Remember, provide all the details about the asker, better if they know this person.

2. My friend so-and-so(provide the name, they should be knowing the friend)  is adopted and she finds it difficult to ask specific details. I would like to know a few more things about my circumstances and myself, like how old was I etc.

3. Was it economic reason why my mother or parents(yes, sometimes a couple takes a joint decision) gave me up for adoption? If so, then she(they) really sacrificed a lot for my wellbeing. I am lucky to have two sets of parents equally loving, sacrificing and thinking about me. I hope I will turn out what you wanted me to be.

4. Did you meet my parents, even for a few minutes? Were they pleasant to you? I love you so much that I don't want you to be hurt when you were stepping into sacrificing a lot for me.

5. Many of questions that goes thro' the adopted child is what the child has inherited?

-----It could be very simple like the adoptive parents may be teachers at different levels whereas your talents and instincts may be to be musician, dancer, olympic athlete.

-----Then there are worries like, I am OK now, but would I slip into experimenting with drugs/alcoholism etc.  or I have a very strong willpower - what will play the strong surroundings of inheritance?

----- These days major concern are some of the adverse health conditions. You may want to know so you would not worry unnecessary on each and everything you read about. More you know, more open you will be in future to your lifepartner and children.

     You may come up with many other such reasons. Ask your parents when they are not occupied with daily worries and are relaxed. You may be surprised, they are likely to say, "We were expecting this, but did not know when".  First time just touch the basis or ask only one question you think is very gentle. You have a long life ahead of you to get more information. May be once in a few months you can inquire further.

     Many cultures around the world has concepts of  spiritual parents etc. (it takes a village.........). Your parents must have done everything right.

Answer 4

As an adoptive parent, I want my kids to know about thier adoption.  I don't want them to have unrealistic expectations of their birth parents.  I say just flat out ask your parents.  Explain that you are happy but just want to know.

Answer 5

Just go to them and say....

"Can I know more about my adoption?"

IT's really simple and if they ask why.... just tell them.... "I just want to know"

Answer 6

Since your parents have never kept your adoption a secret or avoided talking about it, they probably have already anticipated your coming to them for more information.  Start out by telling them that you love them and you appreciate how they have handled talking to you about your adoption.  Then explain to them that you would like to find out what information they have that they may not have shared with you yet.  Tell them that while the information may be painful, you know that they will be there for you, just as they always have.  And that as loving parents, they may want to shield you from being hurt, but you know their love will give you the strength to deal with the information.

As you continue in your search, always keep them informed even if you think the information may be painful for them.  This will help to keep the lines of communication open and keep them from feeling left out.

I wish you luck on your search.

Answer 7

Hi there!

Just be straightforward with them. Since you have a good relationship with your parents, I don't think you have to worry too much that they will be hurt. From what you said in your email, it sounds as if they would be happy for you to know all they know of your history and first family -- and they know you love them. Of course any parent would love to have their kids say "I love you mom and dad," but I wouldn't make a big production out of it. It is your history to know, and it sounds as if they understand that.

If it were me, I'd ask to see all the documents they got when they adopted you. If you've talked about things pretty openly, there might not be that much that they remember that they haven't already told you. But there might be things in the documents that they have forgotten were there, or that they never noticed in the first place. The agency you were adopted through might also have files that your family was never given, and if you are under 18 it will be a lot easier for your parents to get your file (even if you are older it might be easier, so often adoptees are unfairly treated like kids).

Good luck!

Answer 8

Just reread your post and then change it to direct it at them.

Its perfect.  

When your sitting down at the table and they're passing you the potatoes bring it up.

Mom-Dad,

I want to talk to you about my first family. I know you've been supportive and open but I would like to know more about them and if possible meet them.

My only thought of your situation is why you're concerned that they will feel rejected if they have been truly open and supportive about it.  You have no reason to feel guilty. You were adopted and you have every reason and right to want to know your origins just as much as anyone doing genealogy searches but even more so.

Answer 9

honesty is the best policy...let them know that you are content with them being your family, but that you have questions of curiosity that they may not be able to answer, such as the family that you come from, your relatives, family traits, and siblings from the birth family, illnesses, and such, or for that fact, anything that you would like to know. it sounds as though you have a very wonderful set of adoptive parents, they seem as though they would be understanding, seeing you do know that you are adopted already.......i'm sure you'll be fine, just let them know your expectations and good luck........

Answer 10

wow, I know this is hard for you! Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Although your parents may get a little worried, and it may hurt a little but I am sure they love you enough to provide what information you need.

I would approach them both by first stating the wonderful job they did as parents in raising you, and you feel as though you've learned so much from them, but you would like more information about your adoption.  It is who you are and you want to know everything there is to know about YOU.

Answer 11

Just go for it and ask them, they've probably been expecting you to ask them for years

Answer 12

When I was younger and had questions, I simply told them that I had questions about my adoption and my bio parents. My mom and dad had always been open and honest about the adoption and I don't remember ever not knowing. As I grew up and had questions I asked and they told me everything they knew. They never felt that I wasn't happy with them and they had always told me that if there was anything I wanted to know to just ask. Most parents know that the child will have questions over time, and most are willing to talk about it. It's just natural to have questions.

Answer 13

I think you should just ask them they might not even know that much. However what they do know they should willing share with you if you ask for it. Any good adoptive Parent would do this whenever their child wants to know more. Since your parents have always been open about your adoption I don't think they will have any serious issue you wanting to know more or sharing what they do have.

Answer 14

I think you should just ask like you did in here.

Answer 15

make dinner with your mom or dad one night and start talking about your day. say that you were talking about family trees or something with your friends and were curious to yours.

Answer 16

just ask them about it and if there like why just tell them you wanted to know more about yourself.

Answer 17

First, before you bring up your questions, tell them that you love them, and you will always consider them your "real" parents (after all, they are the ones who raised you) and that you love them a lot. Then just tell them you've been curious though about your biological parents and you wanted to know more like (insert your questions here). They might not know a lot -- I'm not sure if adoptive parents are given a lot of information. When they've answered your questions, remind them again that you love them and thank them for being so open and honest with you.

Answer 18

just explain to them that while yu love them very much and will always think of them as your parents, you are curious about yourself and where you come from and such so any information about your adoption and birth parents would be great.  its normal for you to want to know, and it normal for them to be a bit scared that they will lose their child to its "real" parents.  just make sure you let them know how much they mean to you and how much it means to you to know more about yourself.