How do I be more assertive with girls, so I don't always get stuck being "just a friend"?

Question

Basically I'm going to be a freshman in college and have never had a girlfriend. I've gone to an all-guys school for high school so I know I lost some social growth somewhere in there. My friend figured out that my problem is when I meet girls and hang out with them from the first time I automatically put myself in the "good friend" category and not the "potential boyfriend" category, just based on the way I interact with them. It's true, I have a lot of friends that are girls that like to confide in me and stuff, but none that feel they would date me. My friend said it's all about how you come across to girls; she said it sometimes pays off not to always be "so nice", whatever that means. I get what she is saying, but I don't know how to change it or what to do different. I'm going to OSU in the fall and I want it to be a different story. What should I do to make myself more than just a friend to girls I meet?

Answer 1

Whoever told you to "be not so nice" to girls to get them to like you is a nutter.  Why some girls tend to go for the guys that treat them like c**p is beyound me.  And besides if you get put into the category of the cool guy with all the girls wanting the be with him, then finding a real and lifelong and meaningful relationship with someone is harder because of the reputation you have obtained.  I personally never liked the jock type or the crazy a*****e who thinks he is a Greek god, I found them to be superfical and super annoying.  Just continue being yourself, and treat women with respect, and you will meet the right girl.  We need more nice guys in the world!!!

Answer 2

Just try to be more nice....And you don't look bad pimp

Answer 3

Just be you. A woman will definately see potential in you. You seem like a sweet person. Don't give up!! :)

Answer 4

Finding a gf has nothing to do with being assertive.

I really didn't have a gf prior to college myself.  Looking back on HS, I could have had one or two pretty hot ones if I had played my cards right and had done more than trying to hide in my shell.

I was shy, especially when asking a women out.  I learned to talk with people and really wasn't shy when I was trying to make friends, male or female.  Showing confidence when communicating with people will go a long way when it comes to finding love.  A woman wants a nice guy who makes decent money (not talking Bill Gates here, just enough money for an apartment, some basic furniture, and a  romantic meal now and then) and makes them laugh.

Personally, being in the "friends" category is an awsome place to be in a woman's life.  It is kind of like investing money...nothing major happens for a long time, then all of a sudden things happen that make all the sacrifice and waiting pay off.  As you leave HS, women are going to be less interested in social status and actually look for a lifelong mate.  When it comes time for something serious, who to you think they are going to go to, the guy who has been with 15 women in the last 12 days?  No, they will come to the one steady thing in their life that has always brought them joy, in other words, you.

Even if your "friends" don't come knocking on your door looking for a husband, a lot of these "friends" will break up wiht their bf's, will want to get drunk and have some fun one night, and wham-o...friends with benefits (if that is your thing...can be tricky territory).

I had a lot of female friends in college.  I'm not going to say I was fighting women off with a stick, but I did end a lot of friendships because those women eventually wanted much more and I was in a serious relationship (boy to live that stage of my life again...)

Give it time Grasshopper and women will come.  As I said, you are approaching a stage in your life where everything you know about life is about to change.

Just be a good guy, don't give any women a reason to doubt your sincerity and you'll do fine.

For the record, after my first relationship in college, the longest i went without being in a relationship was 4 months, and that was because I was working in the Carribean (I met my wife 3 days after I got back from assignment)...not that I was looking for love, it just kept finding me.

As far as your pic, you seem datable (sp?) to me.  I don't care for the hair personally.  I think with as thin as you are, you'd look better with a shorter haircut, but that is just me.  You look like you got good abs, but I'd recommend some push-ups to build the arms and chest a tick.

Answer 5

dont worry if you never had a girlfriend. relationships are supposed to be special. and your right girl hasnt come yet. dont feel bad that you never dated. your time will come.

theres nothing wrong with being a good friend. its actually very nice. but if you want to be potential boyfriend, dont show too much, or dont be a very open kind of boy where you tell a girl your secrets. youre good looking, dont worry. just be a little mysterious and dont get too close when you meet a girl.

give shy smiles. look at her when shes not looking and make sure she catches you looking after. shell get the nerve that you like her [even if you dont, or if you do, it doesnt matter]

the things with people is, they end up liking someone becos they THINK someone likes them.

its weird i know

Answer 6

I would also say be nice.

Answer 7

Hey, what's wrong with being a friend?  The best relationships start by just being good friends, and believe me, if s*x is what you are looking for, it's a vastly over-rated thing.

You're a nice looking guy, and if you have a nice nature to go with it, then it won't be long before you get the hang of dating girls.  Start with an invitation for coffee at lunch time in the most popular meeting place, and then progress to asking one out a bit later on after a couple of coffee cup meetings!

But I'd also check out your image.  You're a grown man now, so go talk to a barber or hairdresser and see whether he can suggest something to do with your hair to make you look a bit older and more mature.  Curls are great to run the fingers through, but so many of them??  :-))

Best of luck and enjoy your college days.

PS  Slider's answer is spot on.

Answer 8

being friends with girls is awesome. you get to know them (us) like you would if you were dating them just w/o the title.. once you get to know someone really well ask her to go grab coffee with you.. keep doing these one on one things then ask if she wants to go on a date with you. even if she says no.. you're still very good friends!

Answer 9

I think you're cute! And I know lots of pretty girls who date reeeeeeeeeeeeeal ugly guys. My guess would be that guys can be kind of oblivious, no offense, and some of these girls might have liked you more than a friend, but didn't say so, or thought they were telling you. Not for sure though. And if I were you, I wouldn't be less nice, the guy I like the most right now is a "nice guy." And another one was pretty much socially inept.  Also how were you meeting girls. Were they through guy friends of yours? Because that might be a problem. When meeting girls try flirting a little. Hmm, "moves" guys I've been attracted to have used:

-When sitting in a computer chair bouncing it up and down

-When I took their chair they'd pick me up and put me on the floor

-Trying on my shoes, and then commenting on how little my feet were

- Telling me I could do something because I was tiny (Always works!!!)

- A kid used to be like "hold my phone" and put it on my knee, so he just grazed my thigh

- They'd eat off my plate

- Whenever they got food they'd make sure to get me one of whatever they were having

- If they went somewhere (we were in a school club together) they'd take me with them

-They'd ask for advice based on my taste

As you can see some of these are friendly, not s**y things, and they still worked. Some of them be careful- like with the picking up one DO NOT do that with a girl you just met. She'd probably scream "rape." Haha. Also I suggest, when meeting a girl, when you get her phone number, text her right away, not right there obviousally, but within an hour. And ask her to coffee, or to a party someone you know is having, etc. You might get rejected, but just let it go. EVERYONE gets rejected. Hopefully these all work.