How do I be more nice?

Question

Okay, I posted this earlier but no response. So short and to the point:

My parents are crazy and lazy and have financial problems. I have basically no real relationship with them. Im 19, dont pay rent, take care of my own stuff.I dont want to be around them or give them money because of the way they are. I want to be a big happy family but dont know how to bite my tounge around them or happily give them extra money. I know I should though, thats a start. But how do I do this when I dont feel like they deserve it. I want things to change. I dont want to move because Im so close to graduating.

How can I relax around them and not be annoyed?

here was my first question with more details if y ou want to read or think Im a spoiled brat.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhY3NcZ3iVpa2j6ShsMZrWLsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080816120422AAqnnR6

Answer 1

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with them. Hopefully they will acknowledge how you are feeling and maybe they will change some of their ways. You should change some of your ways too. Then you can help them out and they can help you out

Answer 2

Dear friend, I read both of your questions and believe it or not you have the right idea.  The first thing you need to do is write everything down.  Explore in detail the things that bother you and why you feel the way you do.  What are the things that make you upset and why?  Don’t hold back and be completely honest.  Getting it all out will make you feel better and that is also the first step in finding a solution.

Next, try to identify the things that are within your power to change.  This will not be easy.  It may not be within your power to help your parents find move gainful employment or change how they perceive themselves, but you can change how you perceive them.  You obviously love your parents very much otherwise this situation wouldn’t bother you.  Your love for them is a good place to start.  Try to recall positive memories of good times you had together.  Think back to times when you were grateful for their support and guidance.  I know that you worked hard for your money and it may seem like they do not appreciate your contribution, but trust me, they do!  Whether they mention it or not, they are very proud of your accomplishments and of your generosity toward them.  

Do you see that you will not be able to improve you relationship with them until you change how you feel about helping out?  If giving your hard earned money is going to continue to bother you there are other ways you can help.  Try doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning the house, or running errands.  If you have younger brothers and sisters, offer to do some baby sitting so your parents can spend some romantic time alone.  Let them know that you do love them and appreciate them and the gesture will be returned in kind.  Actions speak louder than words and it will take time, but eventually the paths of communication will open again and the hostility will subside.  All it takes is a little appreciation!

Hope that helps - - take care!

Answer 3

If i was you i would just stick with them until you find a decent home and graduate.  

Answer 4

Buy a ipod and occasionally say love you dad or mom. This way you ignore their comments and hear music. if you have an ipod good for you.

Answer 5

start by using correct grammer!

Answer 6

Think about everything the have done for you instead of thinking about what they haven't. Parenting is really hard, and no matter who you are, if you parent a child you have given them a huge gift already. They've put a roof over your head and food on your table for 19 years. It doesn't sound like they have a whole lot of money to throw around either. This for a kid who apparently isn't even nice to them. Give them a break. One of these days you will see how much you really owe them.

Answer 7

well just look at it this way.....theyre not making you pay rent....they also raised you and now theyre struggling and need help. Just chill and instead of giving them actual money why dont you just go buy groceries one day or pay the rent or phone bill. So you know exactly where the moneys going.

Answer 8

Try to. Or take therapy.

Answer 9

Move out and live your own life- hang in there until graduation-

Answer 10

Just try to change.

Little steps at a time.

Start with your friends and graudally get to your parents.

Hope this helps =]

Answer 11

Your question sounds very spoiled and ungrateful.  Your parents have raised you and sacrificed for you, and you've been on your own for how long?  You don't even know what it takes to be on your own yet.  I am not saying that your parents are NOT lazy or crazy, but have some integrity to your family, for goodness sakes!  When I was 19 I thought I knew what it took to be on my own, too, and I got out into the world and found out it wasn't as easy as I thought.  Cut them some slack, man, and realize that things aren't always the way you think it is.

Answer 12

you have to go a zcicologo with all you family

Answer 13

ive read both of your notes, and its a tough one! usually under these circumstances it would be wise of you to have moved out and got your own pad. You said your relationships are very strained with both your parents and that you have tried to talk and make things better but they are not interested and laugh at you.

it seems it has become intense and very on edge for you in that household, and for the want of trying things may well  never change?

i know its hard on your own, getting a place to live while your studying

everything is hard, but i would feel a whole lot better if i was contributing to the rent. i was paying rent when i was 16 and i must say i felt a whole lot better for it, even when i was unemployed i contributed to the rent. im sure you will feel little better for it, as it seems to be a bit of an issue with you. make a personal goal, for nobody but yourself..... tell yourself you are going to make a big difference, give them your 100% best behaviour and see if you notice a difference?  to be perfectly honest with you tho, i dont think you are any course of the problems you are experiencing, you can only help yourself in these cases, it will take mom and dad to turn everthing around for the better, its not your doings, try not to worry too much, you will move on in time. good luck