How do I become less needy?

Question

Okay.. so i admit that i am needy. And I know thats bad. I really want to see my boyfriend all the time.. We've been dating for a year and 9 months.. and i think hes starting to get annoyed of it.... I want to become less needy.. but stil see him as much as i can. Any soulutions...

please and thank you.

Answer 1

Acceptance is a very good step to take.  

As a life coach, I can tell you that you sound very clear here; admitting to your neediness and stating clearly that you want to become less needy.  Give yourself credit there.

Yes, having other 'focus' helps the relationship dynamic and weighing less responsibility on your boyfriend to keep you fulfilled.  'Other' activities that will help you define your very own self / boundaries/ independence & most importantly confidence (in self, in our partner, in our relationship, in the situation) would be extremely benefitial.

Next step is to ask yourself what your boyfriend represent to you?  What are you fears about the relationship / or about your life if he is not with you.  'Neediness' is the sign that something is missing from yourself / your life or your relationship - that the need isn't met !!!  Sometimes our partner is just a substitute or misdirection for what is missing.  It is also a sign of insecurities and lack of confidence.  

I wish I could just give you a straight answer and direct recipe to solve your dilemma....  But I think some honest soul-searching and answering some questions to yourself is the way forward.

Once you have located the real need which isn't met (- then seek some professional help be it therapist / life coach / level headed friends / books etc.) you can really do something about it - for good.  Sometimes, it could be that the need is met but in a 'foreign language' and so needing some translations!

The key , of course, is communications between the two of you.  It would be unfair and misleading of me to generalised.  A lot will come with life experiences and self-awareness.  Be patient and don't beat yourself up for it.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Being excessively needy can be an attempt to control others; it can even become aggressive.   Toxic partners don't last as long in relationships like this, so maybe you need to work on yourself to become more self-actualized.  The ideal relationship is not 2 halves needing each other to form a single entity.  Rather, it is 2 completely whole individuals choosing to be together--that's really spectacular.

Have you completed your education?  Do you participate in community service?  Do you have your own interests & activities that you enjoy?  If not, why not, & when do you plan to develop yourself into a self-sufficient individual?  (Note that you may need assistance; if so, do not delay finding a counselor.)  I wish you the best in developing your personality & self-confidence.

Answer 3

just try and depend more on yourself,

if you start showing signs that you are a little more independent and have more confidence then if he is like most guys he will get turned on and want to see you just as much as you want to see him.

i could see how being needy would get annoying to him, so make sure you're not trying to control everything he does. he has to have time for himself, we all do.

:D good luck.