How do I bond with my stepson...?

Question

I am recently married and have been blessed with two little boys. The youngest is four and we get along like a house on fire - he's always attached to my leg, sometimes literally!

However I'm finding it hard to get close to the six year old. He often gets my back up - he is a good boy, but he is sometimes spoilt and whiney. I don't yell at him or tell him off, I just explain things to him calmly, but inside I get really annoyed. My husband favours him a little bit too. He's only six, so obviously I need to get over it!

We have the kids once a fortnight on a weekend. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can better my relationship with the six year old? I don't want to favour one boy over the other!

Thanks :-)

Answer 1

Spend some alone time together just you and him and do something he wants to do

spend time all together as a family and be sure each child is being treated fairly and is getting an even amount of attention

it happens in time if you try, they know it!  

Answer 2

Keep doing what you are doing.It takes more effort,but he didn't create this situation, the adults did and he is caught in the middle,living with mom and VISITING his dad and his new wife.He also has fears that dad will make new kids with you and he will be forgotten about, replaced or less loved.

Answer 3

be cool around him do some thing like get on all fours in the living room and play horses when he notices your doing your bit with the other one then he will want to play and join in or make a road map with paper put it on the floor get a few cars and do that it .... mind of matter with this one try to step away from the step mom bit and try the your level bit always go to eye contact by going down one knees they find this less scary, you will have to work on this as it will be hard for you, i to have two step children but they were 12 and 14 when i met them it was the older one i had to impress so i came down to there level and went on mad fair ground rides to win her approval it worked though she is ok with me now we get on really good try it and see you may just win with this as he is still young ....x good luck

Answer 4

Take him (just him, not the 4 year old, see if you can get a babysitter) to a local sports game like baseball, soccer, or football. Or play outside with them a lot. Kick some soccer balls, or just run around.

You could also take them to a movie. You can get younger kids in for quite a nice price!

Answer 5

Time is the main key. There is no magic fix to this my step son is now 11. He was 4 when we got married. he calls me momma when he is with us. GOOD LUCK All you need is time

Answer 6

The oldest boy is probably jealous and wishes his dad was still with his Mom. It will take him time to adjust. To make a friend you must be a friend. Just treat him nice, and sweet. And, see if he comes around to like you. Get your husband to take all of you out to the movies and mall, and stuff together.  

Answer 7

you need your husband to back up everything you do ... talk to him .. see what he thinks ... and ask him to help out .

Answer 8

a day out just you too

Answer 9

my partner has a boy and a girl who visit weekly, i took it slowly at first and just became friends with them, i know its hard , but i took a backseat when it came to discipline, however  i found out that their father was telling them lies about me, horrible stuff that wasnt true, the arguments that resulted almost cost my partner and i our relationship, now.... a few years down the track, they come here and show us both respect, again i know its hard but hang in there and good luck.

ps their father is still a so & so but i ignore him, if he was any kind of a decent guy i would've invited him over for xmas etc. but i dont so i regard that as his loss

Answer 10

As a step-mother and foster-mother I would suggest that you spend some one-on-one time with the 6 year old.

You already have the younger one eating our of your hand, so he is not a problem, it is the older one you have to work on.

When he is at your house suggest that he helps you with something nice, like setting the table, be sure to compliment him on the job he did and you could even ask him if he would like to go out for an ice-cream (bring two home for Dad and younger brother)

Spending time with this little boy is not favouring one over the other, it is investing time and energy in this little lad who going through a tough time, and you, as his step-mother will be one of the most important people in his life, so work on building a connection with him while he is young.

Good Luck!

Mother

Answer 11

This is so important. You sound like a wonderful step Mom.

The fact that you want to have a close relationship and you see one being favored over the other is a keen observation. He is probably sensing that and is a bit resentful.

Play with him. Get down on your hands and knees and play Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars or Batman action figures or video games  or whatever it is he's in to. Make time to do this...its so important.

Alternate  making the boys their favorite dinners or desserts.

Announce "We're having cupcakes because its ______'s favorite!" Talk to your husband about hid favoritism, that HAS to stop.

   Lastly, NEVER NEVER discipline a stepchild. That role must fall to the childs real parent. If you do discipline them, it may forever sabotage any meaningful relationship you'll ever have with them. You sound wonderful and best of luck to you.

Answer 12

You're indeed the best stepmom I've never come across...

I believe that you need to spend some time with the elder son, one-to-one... Bring him out! Do something together to get the bonding... Have fun, and of course, do bring the 2nd one along too! It may help a lot. :) Slowly, the elder bro will learn to accept you as well.

Remember the kids' birthday, you may throw a small party or bring them out for some treats plus a gift! Children loves recieving present, but of course, don't spoil them. :)

Never discipline the kids yourself, because that's never a way to do so. You may wish to explain / talk to them in a softer and kind tone if they did something bad or wrong... :)

All the best to ya though. :)