How do I build confidence?

Question

I've been feeling kind of insecure lately. But it's kind of hard not to because one of my so-called "best friends" dated the guy she knew that I really really liked, my other "best friend" is a little self-centered and makes me feel a little low about myself without knowing it. It they both talk bad about everyone, so I don't know if they talk bad about me also. All of the people around me just seem so fake, and I don't feel like I have anyone in my life who I can trust. I just wish I had a TRUE friend. How do I get my confidence back up and deal with all of the problems around me?

Answer 1

the best thing to do to have good confidence (at least in my case) is to pick your battles. we live once and if we spend a lot of our time worrying about other people, we'll never get to continue to live our lives the way we want. just know that the people you're around at the moment will not be around you forever. just know that in a few years it'll all blow over and no one will care. for me, i always think about "what's the worst that can happen?" and it's never life and death.

personally, you can start telling yourself something you like about yourself every day. don't be afraid to toot your own horn, as long as you keep it to yourself. make mental notes/statements. there HAS to be something you like about you. and sometimes, heck, lie to yourself. i sometimes tell myself i'm pretty hot. i'm not sure i am but i'll start believing it after telling myself every day for two months!

Answer 2

Find friends that you dont have to try around. New clothes and just simply making yourself feel pretty could do the trick.

Answer 3

i'll be your friend!! I'm not fake... so far as I know. lol

but yeah, you should look for some friends who don't make you feel like c**p. I mean don't get rid of your old friends necessarily, but get some that make you feel good about yourself too. They are out there, they're just hard 2 find sometimes.

good luck!

cam_the_man77

Answer 4

Well I also have confidence issues, but I am finally starting to deal with them. I first am just trying to accept myself, and my inner and outer beauty and not let anyone bring me down. Some people may not like me, but hey, that is life, and I have many people who do. As for your "best friend" dating the guy you like. That shouldn't give you lack of confidence! Just say to yourself. "Well I did really like him, but obviously I am not of his interest. There are other fish in the see, and I might end up finding someone EVEN better!" I am trying to look on the bright side of every picture and situation which really helps you be a happier brighter person. And next when someone ever gives you a compliment such as, "You have really nice skin" or "You have beautiful eyes" instead of saying "Oh not really!" Say "Thank you so much!" Saying thank you to such a wonderful compliment will boost up your confidence level and make you feel good about yourself. And if people around you feel fake, then be different and special and be real. Be who you are. And don't mind what others say. They might just be jealous, or they just are stupid and judging you without knowing who you are. You have every right to be who YOU want to be. If you feel you cannot trust anyone around you right now, then make sure THEY can trust you. Tell them things, and add "I trust you enough that you will keep this between us" but make sure it isn't anything major, so if it gets out it won't be so big of a deal. When you know someone trusts you, it makes you feel wonderful to know that someone likes you that much to believe you can keep a secret. And since your friend is seeming like she is bettering herself, then sit her down and tell her how you feel. say something like "I think you are TOTALLY amazing that's exactly why you are my friend, but you have been putting me down a little lately" you can work it out easily this way, and it will boost your confidence by being able to know you can stand up to people and be brave. I hope that helps you some! Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers!

Answer 5

First off if they always talk about other people, chances are they do talk about you when you are not around.  

You don't need friends who make you feel bad about yourself.  That's not good for your ego.

You need to decide to like yourself for who you are and decide to do something good with your life, even if it's without your friends.  Do something nice for others.  There's plenty of things you can do.  

Mostly, try not to get caught up in talk that cuts others down.  

Think positively and stay away from friends who bring you down.  

Answer 6

There are many ways to build up confidence :

1. If you don't do something about it now, trust me you'll regret it later.

2. Talk to your "best friends" & tell them what you're thinking. (You said one of them makes you feel bad without knowing it, right?)

3. Try to understand that this is called "reality".  Everyone goes through it sometimes.  Try to get over it.



4. Get someone to talk to about your problems.  I know you said you don't really trust anyone, but why not talk to someone like a pen-pal or someone online?  Since they don't know you, they could give you advice you've been searching your whole life for & doesn't feel like you're being a burden.

5. Pray to whoever the "God" of your religion is. I'm Christian & it has always worked for me no matter what situation I was in.  In a few weeks, or even a few HOURS it has made a stronger me.  

Answer 7

Brooke, NO best friends should make you feel down and insecure, in fact, no friends should either. tell your "best friends" how you really feel. if they are your true friends, they'd understand. Maybe you should meet new people that you feel comfortable around.  

Answer 8

Surround yourself with positive people... it seems like the people you consider your real friends really aren't your TRUE friends... to build confidence just keep lying to yourself until you actual believe your self like for instance Say to yourself "Im gonna get threw this and be Happy" even though you dont feel like its for real just keep saying it to yourself until it actually feels real it works for me all the time good luck  

Answer 9

Just keep telling yourself that you're great and just keep being yourself, don't try to act like something you're not.

Answer 10

Think postively

Answer 11

The hardest challenge is to build self confidence , when those around you are not creating an environment to do so. When you are around the right people, with the same values... you will blossom. But ultimately, it has to come within.

If there is no one around as your best friend, take time out for yourself, go for a walk and develop a relationship with god. He will always be there, will always listen to you and you can always trust him. The bible is also a good place to go as a sanctuary.  Remember god made you special, and you are beautiful.  

Answer 12

just say to urself "man i need to be more confident!! believe in myself more! come on me i am pathetic!"

Answer 13

You can't build confidence silly! But if you're trying to build a house...I know a great contractor.

Answer 14

setting goals can help you build up confidence

There are several really positive sides to setting goals for yourself:

By setting clear goals for yourself you have something specific to aim for. This gives you a sense of purpose

Every time you set a positive goal for yourself, you are automatically looking at the positive, and this in return will change both the way you see yourself and the world around you.

Setting goals small enough to be obtainable, but large enough to force you take make some effort, will help you build up confidence because you get a sense of achievement once you have reached your goal. A positive sense of achievement will in return make you feel more confident about what you are able to do, and it can help you see your self-worth.

Remember that in order to build up confidence, you need to change some of your old habits

hoped i helpled

Answer 15

well try to find ways to let those emotions out. i am going trough the same thing and i am letting it all out in music by playing for a rock band. and writing lyrics.

Answer 16

tell yourself your best qualities. do it very often. and go out and find new friends! the ones you are hanging out with are losers.  

Answer 17

if you pretend to be confident for a while, you'll start being confident...confidence comes from feeling good...so make yourself happy too

Answer 18

relax, try to go out and have a good time

Answer 19

You need to break away from the things that drag you down, and do things that your inner fraidy-cat wouldn't normally consider doing!   (Btw, we ALL have an inner fraidy-cat...that little internal censor that tells us we are chicken, we can't succeed, can't do whatever....everyone has one!)

Is there something that you have always thought about doing, but didn't do because it just didn't seem like it would be accepted?  Do it!   Take up skateboarding!  Bungee jumping!  Belly Dancing lessons!  Whatever!

Explore the side of your personality that you keep hidden away - let that out.  You might make some new friends along the way - ppl just like yourself, and you might also discover how limiting your current friends have been to you.  

I think you will find them shocked and probably a little jealous of you too!

Answer 20

Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, to emotional abuse (past or present) from a loved one or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.

Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.

Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.

Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.

Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc.

By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.

Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.



Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel.

Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!

Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.

Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.

Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.

(I found it all on this site....if you want more details then check it out!)

Answer 21

sometimes you just have to fake it till you feel it

Answer 22

Don't worry hun! Go to the gym and release some stress would be a great start! Be with your closest friends to help get you through all your insecurities! I'm sure your a fantastic person, so you have nothing at all to worry about :) You know they're not truly friends if they have no respect for your feelings like that, and jealous most likely... If your "friend" insults you or belittles you, that's only her depressing feelings trying to make herself feel better by treating you that way!

To get confidence back, try and relax alittle... watch movies, exercise, go shopping, anything to get your mind away from the situation! I really hope it all works out the best for you and if you need anymore advice I'll try to answer it haha! Good luck!

Answer 23

there is always someone out there that you can talk to, you just have to know where to look...