How do I comfort a friend who had an abortion??

Question

Friend had an abortion and claims that its affecting her emotionally. Truth is i dont know what to believe...is it that its really affecting her, or does she jus want attention? I remember her sayin at one time when she found out she wasnt pregnant after worrying, that she actually wish she was. And now when she allowed this guy to mistreat her and get her pregnant...She comes crying to me 2:00 in the morning. She told me she wanted to do the abortion and i repeatedly asked her if she sure she wanted to do it and she seh yes and now she went n did it and now she saying its affecting her before she think about the fact that atleast she would not be going thru the negative she wanted to avoid by doing the abortion. What do i say to her??

Answer 1

First of all, a womans heart is as deep as an ocean and some women can have extreme emotional anxiety while others don't necessarily exhibit the same responses.  I terminated a pregnancy 17 yrs ago - I was on BC at the time and I was not financially, physically, or emotionally ready for the responsiobility of a child.  I did what was best for everyone involved, including the child that was to be.  Let me say right here that I adore children and it's been the biggest heartbreak of my life that I am unable to have children of my own, due to an unrelated Ovarian cancer scare last year.  I have a very strong resolve and I have never looked back on my decision and beaten myself up about it - not even once.  Now, I'm not sure if women behave the way they do (honestly) after a termination (i.e. abortion), but they know going into the procedure that they will come out of it NOT being pregnant, so I myself have never understood the long, drawn out emotional ties to the thing that they made a conscious decision to become separated from.  Separation anxiety is absolutley real, and there is a hormonal change that can cause emotional distress.  And while I understand all of that, having been through it myself, I don't completely understand the , drawn out emotional ties that seem to follow an abortion.  

And I don't have any illusions that there are many women out there who have the same resolve that I do, but I just don't altogether buy in to, like I said, the long drawn out emotional dabilitating torturous saddness that comes from an abortion, hormonal changes withstanding.  The laws are made so that this procedure can only happen before there is movement and showing.

IDK, it's a tough and very personal call.  I have to say, wihtout question, that it's a lousey way to get attention if that's what women truly do.  And the allowing of this guy to mistreat her is likely a self-esteem thing that does need attention, but I don't necessarily think that one has to do with the other.

Answer 2

well abortion is not an easy thing to do.  I would not do it because I know what the doctor does to get rid of it.  I would sit down with her and ask her many questions like...what do you think is the best option for you?  if she feels threaten by this guy? if she does then she can go into hiding until the baby is born or for the rest of her life if she feels that he would try to kill her.   If she has had the abortion it can make you feel guilty and a whole bunch of other things.  try to be there for your friend and try not to judge her but if she can not decide try to help her make the right choice for her.  She is the one that will have to make that choice and no one else can, but you can give her advice.  Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Abortions can affect a woman afterward more than she thought it might. Also, right after an abortion, hormone levels drop and a woman can feel very depressed because of her hormones.

Just let her talk it out with you and listen.  

Answer 4

The best thing you can say to her is that she needs to talk to a professional.  The average person is not equipped to help someone through something like this, they really need a counselor.  

Answer 5

She's having a hormonal plunge.  Just be there for her.  She'll be fine.  

Answer 6

Any woman with a soul will get emotionally affected if they get an abortion. All you can do is be supportive and help her feel better again. Just be a good friend.

Answer 7

Dont say this to her in this way but, she did the right thing. How can you be a good mom when you cant even take care of yourself. Just tell her that you will be there all you can and do all you can for her. Tell her that she needs to think about things and there consequences. Why baby her, if shes old enough to get knocked up shes old enough to hear the truth

Answer 8

Just listen to her, maybe she really does regret it. Tell her to speak with a counselor.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like your friend could benefit from some professional counseling or a support group. I would hesitate to brush something like this off as a ploy to get attention. If I were to find myself in your position, I would be as supportive of my friend as possible but I would also suggest finding a counselor or support group to help her work out her issues, and I would also help her look for a good counselor/support group nearby.