How do I convey to my bf that his daughter should not sleep in the same bed as him when she visits?

Question

My bf doesn't have a bed for her but he does have a sofa & a loveseat she can sleep on. I think he's projecting his feelings about sleeping on either of these onto her (he can't sleep through the night on either). She's 7 and coming to stay the weekend w/ him. I found out that he sleeps in the bed w/ her b/c last year he was living in a different state, I would visit for the weekend but one weekend when he was scheduled to keep her he told me if I came over I'd be on the sofa. I was like what? Why? He said b/c she sleeps in the bed. I was frozen w/ disbelief. I understand her not needing to know we slept in the same bed-that's fine-but he's 30 and she's 7 and I just think that's not right. I know some of you will say just tell him but I need more than just my opinion. He's a tough character. I think a grown man and a growing daughter need their own space. Plz don't say have her over at my place-she is clumsy and I have nowhere to put my many breakables/pad the furniture.

Answer 1

he shouldnt be sleeping in the same bed as is daughter that's just not right...why dosn't he just go by her a bed?

Answer 2

if she only sees him on the weekends I dont see the big deal with her sleeping with her dad, it might not be fair to you to have to sleep on a couch but thats his daughter and she will always come first, its not like shes with him everyday, so let them have some time together & im sure eventually he will get her a bed, he might not have the money right now

Edit: i just read where you dont want her to go over to your place bc you have too many breakable items, #1 i dont think she should go to your house bc it could be a little confusing for her & #2 i dont think she should go over there bc you sound too selfish, who cares if you have breakable items, put them up, shes 7 yeah shes going to be a little clumsy, deal with it, whats going to happen when you have children of your own, how are you going to have them & let them stay at home if you are too worried about your precious breakable items

Answer 3

I don't think there's anything INHERENTLY wrong with a father sleeping in the same bed as his young daughter.  People are too quick to judge men.  However, if it makes you uncomfortable, just tell him.  You don't have to sound accusatory.  Just say something to the effect of, "Don't you think she'd feel more comfortable if she had her own bed to sleep in when she's over here?"  It would feel more like home if she did anyway.  By sleeping in the same bed, it's acknowledging that the relationship is not as stable as it should be.  Even though he doesn't have full custody, giving her her own bed will help them both to feel some more regularity.

Answer 4

Honestly..it's none of your business.  She is a little girl and he is her father.   If he had her for the weekend..it's not appropriate for you to sleep anywhere else but the sofa anyway...you are not his wife.

Answer 5

I think u just don't want to sleep on the couch yourself. Stop being so jealous and u should think of the child's feelings.  Although she is nearing the age when she, herself, might be uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as daddy, she is still small and there is no harm in this. Not every child who sleeps in bed with daddy is sleeping with a pedophile.

Answer 6

he should by her,her own bed you shouldn't have to sleep on the sofa 'cause your going out right?

Answer 7

Ever heard of Co-Sleeping?  Many families practice this!  Heck, I am 30 and have 3 kids and i've slept in my moms bed with her in the last 2 years when we stayed over once!!!!!!!!!!!  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!  My 7 year old sleeps in her grandparents bed when she stays over with them!  You have the problem and you're wrong to assume it's "sick or inapproriate".. there is totally nothing wrong with her sleeping in his bed when she stays over!   I'm going to assume here- you have no children of your own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think you're jealous that he is choosing her over you.  Get used to it!  Children will always always come first!!!!!!!!!  You hagve to learn to take a backseat to her and be ok with it!

And it would not be in his daughters best interest to have them over to your place- that would only confuse and upset her!!!!!!!!!!!!  But I cannot believe your comment,. "she is too clumbsy and i can't blah blah"...  You couldn't make your house ok for a 7 year old to come over too????  What are you going to do if the two of you move in together?  What if his daughter was living with you ALL the time?  What the heck are you going to do when/if you have your own children?   Wow you sound SELFISH!

Answer 8

ITA with mabel. You sound selfish and I cannot believe the bitchy comment you made about a CHILD!!

Answer 9

if you have a problem with his little girl sleeping in the bed with her daddy for a few days you need to get a life and just stay home if yo u don't like the idea your replaceable she isn't so deal with it i sounds like you dont like her

Answer 10

Go to the store and buy ones of those kids sleeping bags that have the inflatable bed with them...and give that to him to keep at his place so she has her own space.  

Tell him that his daughter will always be his little girl but needs her own space cause if she goes to school and mentions that she shares a bed with her dad = child investigation might be called and all or ex could cause a big problem about it...

Also - if he is your boyfriend - you really need to accept his daughter and make room for her in your life.  Kids are innocent in all the adult stuff...and they need love and acceptance.

Answer 11

As her father, he gets to say where she sleeps..... as his girlfriend you get to accept it or move on.

My daughter slept in the same bed as my wife and I for many years, and when there is thunder outside, I often find both my kids in bed with us.

Since she is just staying the weekend she should be able to sleep with her father.  You should sleep at your place.

You really need to see a counselor as well.  I do believe you have some unresolved issues with your own father that you need to talk to a professional about.

Answer 12

As long as they're both sleeping comfortably like that, and as long as he's not abusing her in any way, then I can't think of any reason why they shouldn't both sleep where they're happy & comfortable.

Answer 13

I wish I could help, but I don't see the problem.  I have a 2 and 4 year old, and just don't see how 7 is too old.  But if you think it's a problem, you might want to try the approach of how some guys might, say, umm...  Become aroused in their sleep, and that might be enough to sway him.