How do I convince my cousin to put her baby up for adoption?

Question

She is going to be such a terrible mother to this child, she has openly admitted to me that she doesn't want the baby just the welfare and child support it will bring her. She deliberately got pregnant to stay home and scam welfare and I'm really scared of how she will treat the baby. I asked some other questions about her before:

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgJ7s2SnGWBwTCPdf_2O4UHg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080125002815AA638n9

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnGlxpouwi_aSr_WsYdpVJvg5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080125000634AAIZvqZ

Please any advice would be great I can't help her look after her baby I'm a single working mom already.

Answer 1

Tell her that welfare is only going to give her enough to keep her at poverty level and also that the child will cost so much more than welfare will give her so in fact she will not be doing any better and tell her that an adopted family will be there for the baby in ways she can't!!!

Answer 2

I would see if someone in your family may want to raise the baby before you go through with any adoption agency.  This way the baby will still know where they come from and have all their medical history when they get older.

Answer 3

I'd talk to her about adoption, but if she's not coming around to it, then really try to support her.  Maybe if she warms up to the mother role, she just might surprise you (and herself.)  I think a lot of mothers go into it for the wrong reason (accident, to keep a man, because they don't want to work) but then realize that motherhood has a unique specialness to it.

Putting all that aside, you don't have many other options.... unless she abuses or neglects the child in an obvious way, reporting her will only put you as a target and she'll ban you from her life.  Surprising what people will do for money - more surprising how people you thought "loved you" will turn their backs on you to keep that money coming.

Either way you look at it, you've got a rough time ahead and good luck.

Answer 4

i would report her that may be the best option

Answer 5

No husband either one of you.  Great.  Poor kids growing up as b******s.

Answer 6

THE s***k BAG

Answer 7

well i suggest to let her i mean its best for the kid

Answer 8

#1 you can start by telling her that there is a 60 month MAX of being on Public Assistance.  She will eventually have to work.  

#2 She won't receive both child support and public assistance (PA) as the child support goes back to the state when the mother is on PA.  

I was a child support worker for a few years and this is the way it goes.  She can get food stamps forever but thats not going to buy diapers or maxi pads, toilet paper.....and on and on.

Answer 9

Firstly, Elodie knows better than that.  No one here wants a child to grow up in a neglectful/abusive situation and you know it.  We've been there ad infinitum.

At any rate, you can't make her do anything.  When she goes to apply for public assistance, which I imagine she'll be doing soon since she probably needs medicare, the worker will likely discuss issues with her.  Does she have any other children?  Does she have a history of abusive/neglectful behavior?  Hopefully she will have her heart changed when her child is born.  But, the most you can do outside of encouraging her to get counseling is to contact children's services if she does mistreat her child.  It's ultimately her decision about whether or not to keep the child, unless the court system gets involved and decides otherwise.

Stay close and supportive, as you seem to be doing already.

Answer 10

There is truthfully not much you can do now.

If she is doing drugs, you can tell her you will report her to Child Welfare now.  If the baby tests positive once born, they can remove the baby from her.

Once the baby is born, you can keep a close eye on things and report any neglect or abuse.

It's a terrible thing to have to "wait and see".  But the reality is that sometimes we strongly support preserving a family at all costs.

Answer 11

Call up child protective services if anything starts happening when the baby is born

Answer 12

first, this appears to be a bad strategy to make money.  child support is not immediate nor guaranteed; and welfare benefits provide not a whole lot to live on. besides, pregnancy is not a cake-walk, and i find it difficult to imagine how anyone could go through all that just for approximately $500/month.  h**l, working at walmart might yield one more.

my advice is to let her know that her strategy is flawed. discuss the possibility of parenting classes or counseling to determine why she is so apathetic about the baby.   and if after this child is born she displays behaviors that are neglectful or abusive, you will personally report her to the authorities.  but, legally, you can't *make* her give up her baby.

Answer 13

Call Children's Aid on her if she's that bad.

Answer 14

Its hard to get somebody to sign over their baby, and I'm sure she wouldn't do it bc she wants to scam welfare. But sit back and wait. If you think she is mistreating the baby in any way then you can call children's services. And also if you do think she is scamming welfare you can and report that she is scamming them and they will investigate it and then go from there if the believe she is scamming them.

Answer 15

hey i would suggest you just stop worrying about her.

she is sayin that now.. but she fall in love with that baby and love it more then anything in the world..

unless she is sick in the head and on drugs and has lost all her humanly senses....

i believe every woman has that natural motherly instinct, maybe she is just going through depression and is talking a lot of c**p.

talk to her and let her know that she is wrong in saying that and you're hoping that she isnt feeling that too.

and leave it at that.

its not really your place to do or say anything else, or convince her to make descisions that she may hold you responsible for in the future.

unless she starts abusing that child and not feeding it, or whatever, just let it be. if she goes psycho, report her to authorities and let them deal with it.

good luck and you're great for caring.. but sometimes its best to just keep your thoughts to yourself, ive learnt it the hard way and have learnt to just mind my own business.

you dont want anyone pointing fingers at you.

:)

Answer 16

You can't convince her to put the child up for adoption. It's her choice and the birth father's choice. Just because she says she'll be a terrible mother to it while she is pregnant doesn't mean she'll think that way after the child is born.

Answer 17

She is her own person.  You cannot convince her to do something that she is not interested in doing.

I would (if I were you) put my energies into my own self and family, and when the baby is born, help her out as much as you can so that she can be a good mother.

If you turn your back on her because she did not place her child for adoption, well...yeah, that doesn't say much good about you now does it?

Answer 18

you should follow kendi's advice, she knows what she is saying.

if she does give her baby for adoption and then regrets it, she will blame it on you. If she does treat the baby horrible, you should then report it.

Answer 19

Are you sure she was serious? I wouldn't take it to seriously. If she turns out to be an unfit mother then family services will deal with her when the time comes. And sadly even though she is your cousin it really isn't your business. Not what you wanted to hear I know. But thems the brakes. Good luck and concentrate on yours and your child's happiness.  :)

Answer 20

tell her there alot of epople willing to adopt the baby who really want to be parents

Answer 21

You can't convince her. It is completely her choice. And if she is getting child support and welfare everyone here thinks it's ok as long as the baby is never separated from the mother.

Ok, I am being sarcastic, but all you can do is support her as much as possible and if you are really concerned about the child report the mother to the proper authorities if you see neglect or abuse.