How do I convince someone not to give up one of their twins?

Question

she was not prepared for one but chose go through with it. A few weeks ago she discovered it was twins and wants to give one up. She hopes they are differnt genders she wants a girl or like she said if the kids are the same gender she will "take" the 1st! What can I do t make her keep both

Answer 1

Make them feel like c**p for even letting such a horrid thought cross their minds.

Answer 2

This is awful

I was born a twin but my brother died when we were 3. I have always felt a part of me is missing. I believe there is a very special conection between twins. I sometimes feel I still have that connection with my brother however it is just like a cut off phone line.

Tell her that her child will never feel whole, even if she/he never knows about her/his brother/sister

Answer 3

Selfishness will never be forgotten. She will have to explain it to the living child and that will be the most difficult thing in the world. It's her choice for life. I can understand an early abortion but after knowing the s*x and number of children, I think that's cruel and selfish.

Answer 4

you cant - there is nothing you can do to 'make' someone keep a child they do not want - AND SHOULD you be able to GUILT her into it - think of the life that child will have living with her - children KNOW when they are loved and wanted - DO NOT PUT AN INNOCENT CHILD THROUGH THAT - take the baby yourself - or mind your own business -

Answer 5

It's her choice. You need to support her in what she decides. It's hard enough for her without having friends telling her to not go through with it!

Answer 6

she cant split up babies like that because "shes" not ready. I mean she can but its wrong. like i told someone before. the babies dont lay down and create themselves. Point it out to her that when the baby has a birthday and when the baby turns 16 and goes to college and gets married that child wont have its other half. thats going to kill her and that child. she will regret her decision if she goes threw with it. and if it means so much to you then help her through everything. she is going to need support. taking care of one is hard enough. But its all going to be worth it in the end when she sees them smiling and calling her mommy. thats the best gift in the world.

Answer 7

That's sick. Tell her to let them both go. They're not puppies, she can't just choose which one she wants.

Answer 8

Wow, this is a tough one.  Is she just scared that she won't be able to take care of both of them?

Well my opinion is that you find some others in your town or anyone that you know to have a talk with her.

I work in a family restaurant and there are always people with children in and out.  Every customer that I see that has multiples I ask them how hard it was, and all of them have said that the don't even know how they would do it if they had just one.  I also have a co-worker that has twins plus other children and she says that the twins were easier than all of her other ones.

I would also explain to her how she will seriuosly regret it, especially years from now when the child comes to find her.  Also if the sibling ever finds out I would think that they would resent her.

I am sure that she is looking at it at a financial state, and if that is the case then I would find some older couples that had many kids and let them explain to her that it can be done.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle one kid and I talked to my grandmother about it and she explained to me how she raised 6 kids, in a two bedroom house, with running water, and sometimes no electric.

Also I would try to convince her to look into some support groups, chat forums, blogs, etc.  There are many support groups for parents of multiples out there, and if she can't find one in your town, I know that she can find one online.

I really hope this is helpful.

Good Luck

Friends with someone who regrets giving up their child

Answer 9

tell her you'll support her.

Answer 10

pray for her

Answer 11

Tell her I will take the other one.  Helping someone who can not do it is a great GIFT.  I have had 2 babies one lived for 17 hours Sept/05 and the other in March/08 I had to deliver dead.  Having someone be that giving would mean everything to me.  Also she seems to be a strong woman to be able to do this for her child and someone else!~

Answer 12

When she sees her BABIES she wil change her mind.

Answer 13

you can't force someone to change their mind

personally, i do not believe twins should be separated, but it happens all the time.

i hope things work out for your friend.. if she can't afford two children, how on earth will she be able to afford or take care of one?  doesn't make sense to me.

Answer 14

You can talk to her, and tell her that twins have a special bond, even if they're identical or fraternal. It's unfair to break up that special bond. I know I would be pissed if I found out I had a twin and I didn't get to grow up with them. Also, the twin that's given away might be all like, "wtf, why did she keep my twin and not me? what's wrong with me?"

But at the end of the day, she's the one who has to take care of them, so it's easy for you to want her to keep both. You should offer to honestly help her though the hard work that she's going to have to do if you really want her to keep both.

Answer 15

She needs someone to discuss her options  properly. The poor girl is worried about how she will cope with two but I feel sure that once she's seen both babies there will be no talk of giving up one of them.