How do I cope w. a situation where I still love my girl so much who cheated but I don't want her anymore?

Question

I am sort of caught between the devil and deep blue sea because here I am still so in love with my girlfriend of about 4 years but had cheated on me yet I do not want to be a part of her anymore. I just want to move on. How do I cope with this inner struggle without having to have any kind of new relationship with anyone yet? Matter of fact, I now prefer to be alone but the loneliness is so immense yet I am loathed to get back to my her.

Answer 1

Maybe some time apart for a few months will heal some wounds.

It will help you think about what you are able and unable to do.

Perhaps you will find that you can mend it, and then again maybe not, that's what time apart does, it allows you to put your feet on the ground emotionally and figure out what you really want.

Best Wishes.

Answer 2

It sounds like you know what you have to do, but I've been there and the loneliness does stink. Get with some friends, or give one a call. Be strong, If she's done it once; she'll probably do it again. Don't jump into a false feeling relationship, because then you'll hurt that person and you don't want to do that. Unfortunately it's gonna be lonely but that's how your heart mends and makes you stronger, my opinion. It will get better, just make sure you keep your friends close and get out of the house, go for a walk, do something for yourself, get a dog, or cat, or some kind of pet, if you can. If I didn't have my baby girl; I don't know how I could have got through it on my own. I hope this helps, I wish you all the luck. Stay strong, you don't deserve to be cheating on and there's so many good girls out there but it's not far to you or her if you jump into a relationship if your not ready.

Answer 3

If you get back with her, can you just forgive her and move on?  If not, a relationship full of resentment and bringing up the past will not last.

Answer 4

Try a new hobby. Go out and hang out with the boys. Being active will get your mind off of her and the hurt you feel. Being lonely and thinking about the situation won't help you move on.  

Answer 5

Yes, it is best to be alone for 6 months exept to go to support groups and activities without the idea of getting into a relationship...

I let go of my ex wife after 19 years once I discovered she was sleeping around. There was no compromise in this for MANY reasons,m including STDs, AIDS, etc..and I've never regretted it one bit.

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I  am sorry you are apparently suffering Letting go is so hard.



I can honestly say that many partners are crumbs. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, two-time, don’t keep their word, See others on the side, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some finally realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, and the people they used to pick up think they are A. holes.



Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves developing gray and wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.



Here's the thing: too soon. People are often selfish, arrogant, and delusional....both sexes, unfortunately.



To be brief, you MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career. It is only when your career is in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Do not mix up great s*x with love either. They are two distinct and separate entities. s*x is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. s*x can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, you do not want s*x with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakenly think that a great o****m will make them stay or change. If you find yourself thinking about a particular partner 100 percent of the time or close to it, hthey aren't good for you. You will lose yourself. If you are a giver you lust, then learn to be less available and more equality demanding. You have the right to be treated well and decently. That does not mean lavishly. It means honestly with respect. And it goes both ways.



If you are the type who takes c**p from a partner, stop taking c**p early on, and you will avoid lots of pain.



I think your choices are not good, that's all.



Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a partner, stop it now. If you always criticize a partner for small things and they leave you, stop it now. I know no specifics about your situation, but do know it takes two to tango.



Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books: He...She...and We. They are short!.



I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know nothing about them. This is great to learn. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.



I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done The Forum, a great three day expericne offered by Landmark Education Corp. I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rather, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes mean family



You must eventually find an evolved partner, one who can set boundaries with family members and even can speak honestly of shortcomings and  working on them. Also remember: Never believe what people say: Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a partner says they loves you and cheats, they do not love you. If a partner never says they loves you but treats you well, they loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a partner who can walk equally with you, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish, cut that out.  Make something of yourself to get your own cash.



Also remember: no one is perfect.



Best of luck!

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Answer 6

first stop talking to her.

then try to stop thinking about her

and then block out all of your memories with her

and move on

Answer 7

I know it is hard to get past a cheating situation. Try to be alone rather than getting back together because you cant handle it. This is a good time to get to know yourself. Hang out with friends, join a church group, or some activity group. Just remember that once a cheater, always a cheater. When you feel yourself wanting to go back, picture her cheating on you, that should turn you away. Good luck and remember, there is that one out there for you somewhere, you just need to hand in there.

Answer 8

FOUR years, of course you love her!!!

But you obviously aren't in love wit her after what she did to you.

Just cutting all ties would be best!! It's going to be lonely, but you will get used to it.

Sorry for your loss, four years is a long long time.

Answer 9

Several things.  You can get an hour of counseling to work this out... bottom line here sweetie, is you don't love her... you love what you THOUGHT she was and what your IMAGE of her was, and how YOU percieved her... and guess what?   They aren't the same person.

And try the internet for appropriate people... Yahoo Personals, Match.com, e-Harmony.  Let the computer do some of the tuff stuff.