How do I cope with 4 children?

Question

I have two boys 9 and 6 and twin girls, 2. I feel totally overwhelmed. Organizing homework, afternoon activities, temper tantrums, fussy eaters, fighting, spilling, breaking ... I feel drained. I was called in by my oldest son's teacher again today because he didn't have the right books for school. It sometimes feels like I can't do anything right. How can I be more organized? How can I feel in control?

Answer 1

You need to get organized, which means you need to put time towards getting tasks done. Have your partner help you out. Organized people devote time, that is why their life is in order. You have to sacrifice your leasure activities.

Answer 2

I would say you need to delegate some tasks, the boys are old enough to make their beds, help with the cleaning, and be responsible for their tasks at school including books, the girls are too young but will soon learn, and also you need some litlle time a day for yourself, I know there is going to be bad days but the four of them adore you, you have good moments as well, don't you? another trick for me is collective tasks: shower or bath in twos, everyone in the kitchen helping with the shopping, everyone brushing their teeth, well not much help I'm afraid, but you are a survivor, take care

Answer 3

It will get easier. Its not nessicarily the four kids its the twins. Ones there older it will all be better. My family has four kids and its h**l but once my little brother matures alot more it will be smooth sailing. But your twins are girls so it should be easier. Plus anythime now they will start entertaining eachother and it will get easier. Just try to get as much rest as you can when you can.

Answer 4

You have to get your older kids to help organize themselves. You can only be in so many places at once. If you can get them on a system to take some responsibilty then it will take an edge off you. Like setting out their own clothes, packing their school bags. Have the 9 yr old help out a bit as well.

Just stay strong mama. Put up a board with time frames and such on them. ___ to ___ is snack time. ___ to ___ is teeth brushing so on down the list. All homework done as soon as they come in the door after school. room clean up from ___ to ___ every night.

Fussy eaters is the hard one. I come across mean to some because of how I run my house. I run it like my grandmother ran our house when i lived there as a kid. You make 3 meals a day + 2 snacks one morning onr afternoon. If they don't like it they don't have to eat it but you don't have time to make everyone something different. The bigger the household the harder it is to please everyone, you don't have time to make 4 dinners.If they are hungry they will eat if not they can wait till the next meal.

Only ones that should get to eat different are very small kids because they eat more often like under 2 and such.

Answer 5

Buya  copy of Nanny 911 books. They seem to deal a lot with many children and may have good tips.  Usually simple schedules  pinned up.

Sometimes sticker charts work best for good behaviour. You put their names on a chart and every time they help out, eat enough of their dinner, or need praise you giv ethem a sticker-you tell them at the end of the week if they have x amount of stickers they get something special-maybe u buy them a chocolate bar, maybe you rent them a movie, maybe it's a day out to their fav place, maybe it's a dollar for the dollar store..

There also is the jar idea. where you have all 4 jars with their name on their own jar. Everytime they do something great you give them a marble (same idea with stickers) at the end of the week or month those marbles are cashed in for something. You make up your own rules for that. Maybe 5 marbles a week is equal to 5 quarters. Maybe 10 marbles is good for  5 dollars to go to the dollar store with or the candy store.

You make up your own system. But if they misbehave they get a marble taken away.

The most important thing is to not yell (it creates confusion) sit down beside them(beside them is important-and ask them why they are misbehaving and if they need to tell you their feelings. Kids get frusterated like we do when they arent understood. They cy and even will get aggressive just b.c they can't be heard. Letting them understand what they did was wrong or why they can't have something is just as important -this usually takes place after time out.

Rewards have been proven to work BETTER than punishment! It will have immidiate results.

For fussy eaters the best thing to do is to never give them sugar, junk food, sweets-including JUICE which is now full of food dyes and sugars, pops, or heavy snacks b4 meals.

Water only if possible.

at meal time if they don't eat, don't give in.

you can let them down and not give them a snack. kids WILL eat if hungry. they will NOT starve themselves. they just know you'll give in.

Some kids work better with a time out- send to bed for a few minutes..they cry..then you go back and say..it's either you eat or bed time..and you give them a choice (makes them feel in control) you keep sending them back to bed if they continue the behaviour until they get the point. It's HARD but consistency is needed and then it runs smooth.

gl

Answer 6

1) Hire a little extra help when possible (even a high school student -- who would probably be thrilled to make a little extra money without costing you a fortune)

2) Trade off on childcare with a neighbor who has 3 or 4 kids. When it's your turn arrange trips to the park, movies, local events, etc..

Answer 7

Force them to take responsibilities. After all you're not an alien.:P

Answer 8

Go to this website Flylady.net.   It  is free and helps with all this.  I have found it to be very helpful. It also gives you tips on how to deal with your children and set up routines for them AKA the house fairy. They teach you how to get organized and get into routines yourself and you don't have to give up your free time, I promise! I found that I have more free time than before. So much in fact that I have time to sit around and answer questions on Yahoo.  I have four kids too!

By the way, don't beat yourself up about being overwhelmed.  Four young kids is a lot to deal with. Two year old twins? You are a saint!  Just think, most people couldn't take care of one child much less four and still be sane.

Answer 9

Sit down and write down what needs to be done.  Next decide which is most important on the list of things to do and get to them first.  This way the most important things that must get done, are done.  Write down your schedule starting form the time you wake up till the end of the day when you sleep in.  

might look like:

7:00 wake up and wash up:

7:15 cook breakfast, children get dressed

7;30 eat breakfst

8;00 to the bus stop

8;15 get the twins fed

8;30 cleanup after morning meal;dishes, floor, diaper changing, trash

on to the bathroom; wipe the mirror, sink counter, and then the toilet, wipe the seat, scrub the bowl and done

9;30 throw in a load of laundry

go to the market or take the children out for a stroll

lunchtime

naptime

1;30 start preparing dinner or at least get some prep work done

cut up veggies get them washed ect.  slice up the meat or debone the chicken whatever

3;00 children get off the bus have a snack ready for them, this might be what was leftover from the lunch you made for youself earlier

4;00 sit both children next to you at the table have them do homework and let them do what they know how to do fist and whatever they dont know they will ask

5;00 put the finishing touches on dinner like putting it in the oven or stove and cook

6;00 have dinner

6;30 do some dishes and have the nine year old help clear the table and throw out the trash and have the six year old help sweep and vacuum the floor

7;00 sit and rest watch some tv

7;30 let the children know that its bathtime

8;30 pick up a couple of things around the room

get backpack ready for tomorrow and pick out clothing for tomorrow

845 read story and time for bed

9;00 get there lunch packed and ready for tomorrw

defrost whatever lunch and dinner will be tomorrow

9;30 take a break

start buying some crates or a bookshelf for all those books.

at the end of the week i always throw out the papers, projects and schoolwork thats been done and that they wont reflect back on .

the twins will be twins let them enjoy plenty of time on the floor playing, or take them to the library for toddler programs and meet other moms, i alwys like bringing the children out for a walk or a day at the park its important for the chldren to get exxercise and it helps you out to tire them out.  a half an hour or forty five minutes can go really fast enjoy this time with them because before you know it they will be ready for school.

good luck

Answer 10

Sometimes the little things help you throughout the day. When the older boys are at school, put the twins down for their afternoon nap-assuming they have one-& YOU take a 15 minute cat nap. Then take a 20 minute bath with bubbles & candles & music. That's for you.

As for the kids...set aside a chore wheel & stick to it. Don't deviate from it one inch. Make them do their chores, clean their rooms, etc. The twins are still small. There's nothing to be done but enjoy/get through these years while you have them.

If there is a man around, get him involved.

Good luck.

Answer 11

there is one, and only one way to cope with this matter: be "black & white" with them; when they act badly punish them, but when they act well, reward them. Obviously children love to be rewarded rather than punished, and it is almost surely the way to deal with most children (me being a child myself ((13))). It may take a several tries but as time goes by they will get the process, and in the long run they will grow up to be healthy, intelligent teenagers. (it is the method that my renown strict gym teacher uses, and it works).

-also, try to inform them often that they will be rewarded for being good & punished for being bad.