How do I cope with putting down my kitty?

Question

Today my beloved 10 year-old cat had a vet appointment at three, because she hasn't been doing well these past 2 weeks. She has eaten maybe twice, hadn't drinken much water, and only used the cat box three times. She was throwing up every day, and has lost a significant amount of weight in the past month.

My mom and I took her to the vet, and I figured we would just maybe take an x-ray and take her back home. Turns out, we had to put her to sleep. It was unexpected and I didn't have much of a goodbye. I also felt terrible because she had to spend her last moments in a cold vet office, without me. (I couldn't handle it so I went to sit in the car after petting her for a bit, my mom stayed with her.)

If I had known she was getting put down for sure today, I would have rather had them come to our house and do it.

I know that she was in pain and not doing well, so I'm glad that she is not suffering anymore. But I feel so disgustingly guilty about it all. I should have stayed in the room with her, and I should have tried to do more for her. I feel like she gave me so much, and I let her down in last time of need.

I feel horrible and every time I even remotely think about her, I start crying like a baby.

Does anybody have any advice?

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and I feel like I'm going insane. I've never felt so overcome by sadness and grief and regret and guilt and helplessness all at once.

Please help? :(

Answer 1

Hello,

So very sorry for your loss. I am in my late fifties and have experienced the loss of many pets during the years. It never gets easier and the pain can be unbearable.

Time heals all and in time your heart will heal and the pain will ease. Then you will be left with fond memories of your dear cat.

It is within our nature to grieve and be all means let the grieving take its course. Crying is inevitable and just let it out. Don't hold in your emotions or pain.

Talk to your family and friends about the grief you are experiencing. It helps to talk it out.

Here is something I read each and every time one of my pets gets old and goes to heaven.  It really helps me.

"Rainbow Bridge Poem."

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

This  link is a website called "Pet Loss Grief Support". There are many of us animal lovers that can help each other through the pain. There is online chats to share your experiences and pain.  Scroll down and look for " A Bigger & Safer Chat Room."

http://petloss.com/

My vet has always advised me that if I want to get another pet to first let the grieving for your departed pet ease before getting another pet. In other words allow yourself some time.

Getting another pet sure helped me tremendously. If you have that option I would do it.

I will say prayers for you and pray that time will be kind and allow your heart to heal.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how badly it can hurt.

Added Detail:

Here is a link to the Humane Society and their "Coping with the Death of Your Pet".

http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_care/coping...

Answer 2

think of the good times before she is beeing ut down love her before she goes and as soon as you take her dont look her in the eyes its a guilt trip to h**l my friend i know from experiencs....just say ur goodbye and walk away:)

Answer 3

You prbebly feel like your going to die, i know that feelinng you see about 2 or 3 years back i had a cat she was only 3 years old when she dissapeered. Thats exactly how felt but way worse i cried every night. Dont feel guilty you gave her a good life , and she knows that you love her, so dont feel sad and if you another kitty your not replacing the one you still miss and love, just know that she lived a good life, shes old but beutiful, i really hope i made you feel better.

Hope YOU get better ;)

Answer 4

its normall what you are feeling remember that cat had a good life and was very sick and in alot o fpain and they ended the pain. that is the best for the cat even though you weren't there it will be there for you when the time comes for you to leave they are sure that animals go to heaven and wait for masters my hubby passed away not too long ago and the dog (his dog) died 3 weeks after he did. i know they go to and they are great comfortto those that are gone. please remember they suffered and not at peace and you can take this with you and know they are in beter palce you can find a new animal later to help mend this and it will happen. we can't do this to keep someting that is deathly ill its not fair for them just for our feeings and i ams ure you talked to the pet take care and good luck

Answer 5

I had to put my cat Ambrosia down after she was diagnosed with hepatic lipidosis. she stopped eating lost  weight they put her on  meds. she got better for awhile then she stopped eating again . I had her since she was only 3 weeks old. and she was only 10 when I had to put her down. I cried all the way to the vet. They asked me if I wanted to be in the room, and I said no. When they took her away  She looked at me and licked  the tears on my face, { as if she was comforting me.} and  I left that day and returned two weeks later and picked up her ashes. I too, felt awful about not being in the room with her. But I know she was in gentle hands. Vets do not enjoy puttting any animals down. Their Doctors, and they train all those years to save  the lives of their patients, human or animal. Its normal to feel guilty but its okay that you were not there. Shes finally out of pain. And thats the most important. Just think of all the years you were able to share with her  and what a lucky cat  she was to been loved so much. Ther are way too many animals that never get experience a loving home, for that many years. It sounds like you were both lucky to have been given that time together.  Hopefully you'll be able to grant another animal a loving home for its life.

Answer 6

I think that we put a lot more importance into "being there" with our beloved pet at the time of their passing than they do.  It is not your fault that you were caught off guard by the sudden necessity of having -- strange, you didn't mention her name -- euthanized.

My cat Tupsie is only ten, and she's been battling cancer for two years.  I know that her "good days" are getting fewer, and that the day will come soon that she starts refusing to eat.  I'm trying to prepare myself and spend as much time with her as possible, but I know I'll still start crying about her every time I think of her for the next three or four years.

My advice to you comes from my experience when my first cat Neptune died from cancer back in 1988.  I couldn't stop crying and felt miserable all day long; it was affecting my work. I read somewhere that the way to get through this first awful period is to honor your feelings and honor your grief, but not let the sadness take over your life.  The way to do this is to schedule a certain time every day, the same time every day, to sit alone in a room with mementos of your cat, perhaps light a candle, and spend ten to fifteen minutes crying.  Think about your cat, the wonderful times you had together, look at pictures of her, remember how much love passed between you.

At any other time of the day, if you feel a rush of sadness coming on, just remind yourself that you will be able to let it all out at your scheduled time.

After a few weeks or months, depending on how much other grief work you're doing, you will be able to decrease your crying-appointments until you don't need them at all.

Answer 7

If you've ever loved a pet, you know that they cannot "just be replaced", much like a person cannot be replaced. I'd like to offer some suggestions that may help you in your grieving process:

•Do not try to rush yourself through the grief process. Telling yourself that it was just a pet and you shouldn't feel this way just invalidates your feelings and makes you feel worse. Accept your grief and understand that only time will heal you.

•If you are not comfortable doing so, do not rush to get rid of everything that may remind you of your pet. Sometimes removing everything that reminds us of the pet that has shared our life for years just makes the emptiness seem larger.

•Seek out others who understand how you feel. Many people understand what you are feeling, and an ear and a box of tissues will make you feel better.

•Make a picture collage to celebrate your pet's life. You can include pictures from every stage of your pet's life as a reminder of the good times you've shared with your pet.

Answer 8

i know exactly how you feel..i had to put my dog to sleep she was 15 yrs old.she was so sick.i took her to the vet and they told me there was nothing they could do..i was crying and crying and i couldn't be in the room with her i was so upset i ran out of the office screaming and crying my husband stayed with her..i just could't except that she was going to be but down...she was my baby...i can't even write this without crying and it's been 3 years now...you shouldn't feel guilty ,she knew how much you loved her and she is in a better place not suffering....maybe you can get another kitty...and give her all the love you gave your other kitty.......take care..be strong......

Answer 9

aw, im so sorry. i cried for a week after my hamster died.

umm... there isnt much to can do. just kinda have to distract yourself. and its okay to cry for awhile. it'll get better =)  

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had to do this with my nineteen year old cat in May. I still feel badly, but I know that she was very ill and to watch her suffer would be wrong. Your mom was there with her so she was not alone. I'm sure that you gave her as much love as she gave you. You must remember that she enjoyed her life with you, and both of you are fortunate to have had each other. Memories are important. It is normal to feel the grief. She was ill, you did nothing wrong. Be grateful that you were fortunate to have such a wonderful pet for those years. God Bless.