How do I deal with a particularly tiresome student from whom I never get a break?

Question

I work in a really small high school and have had a rather tiresome relationship with one student for almost two years now. He has worn out his welcome with other students and teachers--that is pretty much the reason why he is my mentee. I want to be of some support to him, but he distresses me so much, I dread contact with him. Yes, I have talked to him, but it has gotten beyond that. It is almost like being at a family gathering and having to talk to your Uncle Jimmy because he's family and you want to be kind. Help me! I don't know what to do. He clings to me (he's a junior) because he has alienated others. I am praying that next year my schedule limits our contact.

Answer 1

tell him to go to the guidance counselor (unless you are one).

Answer 2

being a mentor isn't always the easiest job. you have not explained what it is that he does that you 1st found the need to help him with and 2nd are wearing tired of. you say he clings to you is he insecure in himself? what are his strengths? could he be artistic in nature? maybe you could get him involved in community theater? at first you may need to go to practices with him etc but in time he will develop friendships and a camaraderie that may boost his self esteem. not knowing him I cant know which direction to lead him but this is what you need to do in my opinion to help him to move on and become independent of you directly.

Answer 3

You know, you do have a right to set limits on the time you spend on any one student, because it does keep you from being responsive to the others.  Let him know when you are available, for what types of issues, and for how long.  I want to be helpful to my students too, but I had one young man who kept coming to me asking advice on how to get around the law (I'm a lawyer).  I had to tell him that I had a duty to uphold the law, I disapproved of what he was doing, and I was not available to discuss these issues with him.  He still comes to see me, but not about these very uncomfortable issues, thank goodness!

Answer 4

Can you refer him to the guidance counselor?  Maybe they can help him develop his social skills with other people.  Since he is your mentee (I assume it's officially.), then maybe you could broach the subject of appropriate social interaction with him.  If he brings up the issue of dealing with other people, have him look at what the other person said/did, then what his actions were.  Have him put himself into the other person's position.  

However, if his problem is he's overly clingy, there may not be much you can do (especially if the parents are part of the problem).  I agree you may need to tough it out until the end of the year.  

You could always tell him you have a report/paper/meeting that you need to work on on a regular basis and unfortunately have to limit your time with him.  Tell him you have something to work on and just CANNOT meet with him on Thursdays or during lunch or whatever it may be and give yourself a little bit of a break to keep from burning out.  [I don't mean be rude or reject him, just set a firm boundary that gives you a chance to be alone once in a while.  He may actually NEED to be held to some clearly defined boundaries.]

Good luck!

Answer 5

I think I would probably just stick it out. Maybe hand out some advice and critique about his relationship with his peers. It's kind of hard for you in your position as a teacher. I don't think you should do anything to make him feel rejected especially by someone he obviously admires and he's in such need of friendship. Perhaps a parent teacher meeting with his parents discussing your concern about his clinginess and his social alienation and maybe suggest they sign him up for a mentorship program. I'm throwing out ideas. I don't know what the right thing to do is. It's hard at that age and having an adult you respect reject you would be a lot to deal with. Seriously, Good Luck. Hopefully you gets lots of useful advice on here.

Answer 6

Do your job, take a deep breath, relax, and hopefully NCLB will do something right for a change....otherwise, you might want to consider moving if it is really that troublesome for you.