How do I deal with a rude, nosey coworker?

Question

I have asthma and allergies, and I'm very prone to sinus infections, plus I've had pneumonia several times over the past few years. I'll miss one or two days usually. When I get back to work, I know I'll have the usual onslaught of questions about where I was, how am I feeling, etc. I can tolerate those people. There's this one gal though that is just rude and nosey. When I tell her I had a sinus infection, pneumonia or whatever, she goes, "You had that AGAIN! What is wrong with you?" It's just the rude way she says it. I just want to slap her (wish I could). Is there a good comeback answer I could possibly give to her to shut her up? Please help. Thanks!

Answer 1

The rude gal should receive a flippant retort that is half-silly. Say you were training a tortoise to do acrobatics or some goofy thing. After a while, she'll get the hint (just stare at her).

Plan B is to simply look away and talk to another person, or start digging in your file drawer and say you have to really get at that report now. You should not give her a direct answer, bc she wants attention and drama. Simply turn away and go about your business.

Plan C is to not answer her questions, but say "hey, you have a string hanging from your pants or skirt...." keep her going in circles and divert the attention to her (not you). If she goes back at you, then tell her she has a hair out of place and point to the top of her head.

If she's an utter dumbo, then just point blank tell her to mind her own business.

Answer 2

OPEN FIRE...

Answer 3

When she asks where you've been just say "Why do you need to know?" then ignore her.

Answer 4

Usually when people try to get snotty and rude with me I stare at them like they are stupid. Or talk to them like they are 5 years old as if they just did something wrong.  

Answer 5

I would come back with, "And WHY would you ask such a personal question?"

Then just stare her down.