How do I deal with being "the hot teacher"?

Question

I have been teaching for 2 years now. I am a young, single attractive female (not to sound conceited). I love teaching but I am at a point where I need to solve the problem of teenage boys having a crush on me. There doesn't seem to be anything ever written on this subject and I need help. These boys misbehave in class to get my attention and if I acknowledge their misbehavior then I give them what they want. If I don't acknowledge it then they misbehave even more. I am at my wits end with these kids. I love what I do but I can't take this anymore. It is not only frustrating but I firmly believe that it is holding me back in my career due to the fact that nobody can take me seriously. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

i'm a young, single, female teacher as well, and i understand You just have to be very firm with them, and get support from other teachers.  When the kids are misbehaving, don't punish them by having them spend time with you.  Create other consequences.  Get support from a male teacher, and notify the kids' parents.  It is possible to be "hot" and still have respect from the kids.  Be assertive and don't back down.  If they sense anything other than that, then they will take over.  

Hope that helps!

Answer 2

I agree with everyone.  

DO NOT EVER catch yourself alone in a room with a student.  Buy a door stop and leave your door propped open all the time.

I would also document everything from comments they say, and your reaction.

Let your principal know what's going on. It may be uncomfortable for you, but you need to let him/her be aware before any more problems occur.

Put your foot down and step up the discipline! You can do it!! I know sometimes it's hard -- you want the students to like you. but remember, you're not friends  and it's ok if they don' "like you".  Your job is to teach respect-- and they are not respecting you.

PS  my first year of teaching I had an attractive friend who was also in her first year. Well, unfortunatley she had participated in a wet t-shirt contest a radio station held over the summer. The pics ended up on the radio station's website and of course soon were circulating around school. However, she put an end to it and got the pics removed from the website. And she's still teaching at the same school :)  

Good luck!

Answer 3

Ask your boyfriend to meet you after school one day, and make sure everyone sees him.

Answer 4

I suggest to be more strict on the students. it is school right? give them a warning and if they behave wrong again kick them out of class or send them to the office with a referral. They are not only making it hard for you, but the others that do want to learn in your classroom. Its is your job!, so take it seriously.  i suggest to lay down the law, even if it makes you the strict teacher.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I agree with the folks. Kick up the discipline. They WANT a detention IF ITS WITH YOU!! Let them have it with the Principal. The bad part is  you set a precedence by letting it go. AS is obvious, you know you are attractive, THEREFORE, these HORMONE RIDDEN boys are going to be that way. All you need do is read about Mary Kay Loutourneau and other female teachers. The boys figure WTF! If they can, why can't I. You need to set them straight and make it happen soon or you never will get taken seriously.

I hate to say this, but, the boat may have already left the dock. a DRASTIC measure would be to find a new school and start fresh. Not saying that's an answer, but, it is something you should think about if the problem continues.

I guess I'm going to add on here. I am not saying you are a s**t. To paraphrase an old saying "Its not the walk, its the way you walk". I truly believe a change of scenery MIGHT be the best solution. I am not going to advocate middle school. I only think it would get worse. I think also, it may not be  you , but your teaching style. Do you go to the student's desk when they have problems?? You may need to change that. This is NOT going to be easy and their truly are NO easy answers.

If you get the principal involved, meaning he comes to your classes and "maintains discipline",  you lose. I will throw one more idea out. Confront the parents would be an options, but, know you may be stepping into a hornet's nest. You need to get the principal in on this and see what they think. If they think this might work, I'd do it. I have no doubt you are a great teacher, but, the question you ask and how you phrased it, may not have been the best. I apologize for myself if I came off that way

Answer 6

You are walking through a mine field every day.  Be circumspect about everything you say and do around the students.  And act like you are their parents.  Part of your problem, and part of the attraction, is that the boys probably see you as a real "possibility", because you're not that much older than they.  You have to overcome that by acting a lot older than you are, in the classroom.

Answer 7

Move down to a lower level. Middle school or junior high boys are not that interested in their teachers. High school is where you get your problems. If that is not possible, take a class this summer on classroom management. There are somethings you can do to straighten the guys out.

Answer 8

You need to become much more strict, not only must you not tolerate bad behavior, but you must also change your grading policies and the such. Take off points for lateness to class, don't accept work that is not handed in on time, and do not tolerate cheating in class. Eject people who misbehave in class, rather than just say what you'll do, do it. People need an example, if they see you're becoming more serious about misbehavior, they'll shape up. A stricter grading policy will earn you more respect because people will take you more seriously.

This I'm telling you from my experience. In my school, the teachers who are most lenient with work are the ones who are always pushed around by the students, and those who are stricter get more respect from student. Good luck.

Answer 9

I went through the same problem.  I even had a couple kids sing hot for teacher to me.  they would stop and watch me walk through the hall and say stuff to me in Spanish etc..   I fixed that now i teach elementary.  The only thing i can tell  you is from the first day of class that is when you establish classroom management, come down hard on them, call their parents, send them to the principal and let them know that you are running the Ship!!!

Answer 10

well i do hope u know it is just silly crushes these boys r having so try to dress down

address their behavious problems as you would with any other student ie take some action to discipline them  ...detention  note to their parents  report to the HM

u r a professional i think these boys would do it whether you consider urself hot or not and if they r getting away with it then they will continue to do so

think of what u would do if a female student acted up what actions would you take and do the same

if these make students are making sexual inuendos and connotations then you need to file a report as this is sexual harrasment and you as a teacher hot or not should know how to deal with this and not condone it or seem to be condoning it by lack of action

Answer 11

It sounds like you aren't stern enough and that is why they continue to misbehave. Toughen up on your discipline!

Answer 12

teach at an all girls school! lol jk...

you're in a tough situation, what grade do you teach? sounds like they're probably older, like middle or high school? well, boys will be boys, but they need to learn that you are serious. depending on the age group, consider having conferences with their parents about the problem. talk to your principal about the problem, and see what he or she can do to help. in the mean time, just do your best to focus on teaching. ignore them the best you can, and if they really misbehave, then they need to be punished with detention or something...good luck!!

Answer 13

Start taking disciplinary action against them, give out detentions, and if you have to send them to the office. This will only stop them from doing these types of things and give you the respect you deserve. You may be a very nice teacher but if being nice isn't really helping with these kids, I highly suggest you take disciplinary action. It's your job that you have earned after many years of studying, and you can't let any child smudge your reputation any longer. So once again I highly suggest you take disciplinary action.

Answer 14

You need to be tough, you need to be ruthless and you need to let them know that you are in charge.  That might mean no having fun, no personal conversations, no playing music, no talking about movies or your weekend, basically, no acting like their friend.  It is much easier to get nicer than it is to get meaner, so start off a total hard-***.

You also say you dress conservatively, what does that mean?  Do you dress like the middle-aged women at your school?  Even if you are covered up, if your clothing looks young, you're not dressing old enough.  You shouldn't be shopping at the same clothing stores your students frequent.  Low heels, skirts, a jacket--these are all good.  If you have long hair, wear it up or back, not hanging down.  I know it sounds like you have to make yourself ugly, but it really makes a difference.  That whole don't smile thing?  That works too.

Answer 15

I too have this problem and I teach junior high.  So going down to a lower level is not the case.  And to whoever said that boys are not interested in their teachers at the junior high level you are crazy!!! Kids these days are already sexually active by then and are definitely checking their teachers out.  I personally would aggree to document everything and also talk with your principal.  Chances are he has had teachers in the past with the same issue.  I personally have a lot of expectations for my students and this problem for me dies down after about a month or so into the school year BUT of course I still hear lil comments being made.  I'm sure high school is worse.  If it comes down to it you might need to sit and have a parent conference with the parents and principal present.  If you have a strong support from your principal and parents then it should be handled.  Being a little more strict than you normally would be should help as well.  I remember when I was in junior high and one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders was a teacher of ours and all the guys liked her (and she wore makeup and got all dolls up everyday) but she was soooo strict and never smiled so the guys never dared say anything inappropriate to her (although they wanted to).  Just got to let them know you won't tolerate it.  This is a hard thing to deal with, but if you dont have a strong support from your principal then only then would I suggest finding a new school.  The kids will be kids regardless but if its something out of the teachers control then the principal needs to step in and help.

Answer 16

have structure and don't be overly nice. still be a cool teacher though. have rules in the class room and of course act mature because your  the students teacher not their buddy. if you act like your older and in charge then that's what your students will see.

Answer 17

As a school administrator, I can tell you that no matter how well prepared you are each day, or how you present the material, if you do not have classroom control, you will not be successful as a teacher.  As far as being the "hot" teacher, you may want to dress conservatively.  Also, as soon as you "lay the law down" the students will stop LOOKING at you and start LISTENING to you.  I have had some female teachers who are very very attractive (including one who was a very successful beauty queen),  but they opened the year letting the students know that  there was going to be a lot of work and that the teacher was not going to fool around.  The students got the message very quickly.  Don't be afraid to contact parents to let them know how their son/daughter is acting in your class and make it clear to them that it is not acceptable.  Chances are, this would not be the first call that they have received.  You also need to sit down with your site administator and ask for suggestions.  There are many different workshops that you can go to to help you come up with ideas.  Another peice of advice I can give you is to find a GOOD veteran teacher and ask him/her how to get the class under control.  If you need more advice, let me know.

Answer 18

I'm a male high school teacher with many years of experience.  I do think women can, potentially, have a tougher time with discipline in their early years of teaching, because of the stereotypes that students carry with them.  Keep in mind that much of what I have just said is based on what I have heard from other female teachers, including my wife.  Added to that, it seems that the perception of "hot teacher" from young male students is more of a factor than it was before.  At the beginning of last year, our assistant principal quoted a response from a student survey given the year before:  the comment was, "It’s great we have lots of hot, young female teachers." It made me a little angry, because of the unfairness of that perception toward teachers who work so hard.  Students will often, consciously or unconsciously, take advantage of younger teachers.  Younger teachers can have greater tolerance for students' behaviors.  If one has experienced the educational system more recently, seeing its many faults, it's possible he/she will give them more leeway with behavior than more experienced teachers, who’ve seen all the tricks.  Having said that, I'm not presuming that is the case with you.  To take things even a step further, though, women, according to my wife, sometimes will react to discipline problems by questioning themselves or their teaching first.  It's a generalization, I admit, but I believe there is some truth to it.  By comparison, I was quicker to write referrals in my early years than my wife.  We are probably closer now in management styles and philosophy, but, in many situations, I will be quicker to say, “Write ‘em up” than my wife.  On the other hand, my wife is probably more strict with bathroom passes, because she’s had the experience of being pregnant while teaching (she likened it to having a bowling ball on your bladder).

Whatever the case, those early years are tough.  When faced with students like you are describing, one comes to a point where he/she must draw the line on what to tolerate and what not.  If it gets to the point of writing referrals, the best advice I can give you is to, well, cover your *** and protect yourself.  As one administrator in my early years put it, "Exhaust your options."  You might have heard that one, but it's a good starting point.  So, call parents and/or send notes home.  Parents are not always going to take your side, but, most of the time, they will, especially if you present your side well.  The other rule, sadly,  is a sign of our times:  document everything.  Make copies of notes sent home.  Record when calls were made and what took place during the call, even if it was a message.  E-mails home or to the parent at work make it a little easier, of course, because what you wrote is in your “messages sent” box, as long you don’t delete it.  When writing referrals, use the "multi-date" method (for lack of a better term).  In other words, record on the referral stuff that took place over time:  warnings given, w/the date in parentheses, then the next reminder, with the date, then perhaps the smartass remark from the student, surrounded by quotes, with date, etc.  The goal is to make it almost impossible for the dean, or anyone else, not to see the ridiculousness of the student's behavior.  

There are so many things to learn as you move through your teaching career.  Do not let the many difficulties of this profession take away your drive.  Always be open to learning and improving, and don’t feel bad if some of that learning involves dealing with a******s.  From what you are saying, these students have no right to treat you in the way they have.  It is also taking away from the learning of the other students who do not engage in that type of behavior.  Keep learning and growing, and good luck.

As to your added comments:  I empathize with you.  We are too quick to make the student a victim, and I have seen this trend assert itself year after year.  It grates on me and pulls at my enthusiasm.  In the end, a student being a jerk is nothing compared to an adult acting like a moron, jumping to conclusions, and taking the side of a student who is clearly in the wrong.  THAT is the toughest part of this job.  I just keep trying to maintain my perspective and do all I can to make my classroom my own, hopefully getting my students to see and appreciate that.  I still love my job and love working with high school students.  Hope I have not offended.

Answer 19

well, laughing about it helps, but certainly don't encourage it in any way - Also, mentioning that you only like men who are a LOT older is good, AND (if you want to improve their behavior), mention that only mature men get your attention and approval

Answer 20

Make yourself look plain.  Stop wearing makeup and let acne grow on your face.

Answer 21

First, you are absolutely correct in your assessment of the "us" versus "them" mentality that prevails in the educational system ... that is, too much finger-pointing is done at teachers.  Generally, students are not held accountable for their choices and behaviors and, much too often, students are supported by weak-kneed, fawning parents, administrators, and even lawyers who look for ridiculously minute chinks in our armour to say, "ah ha, there it is, it's your fault."

I also agree with your follow-up notes ... that is, too many respondents here have made knee-jerk judgments of you and -whether unwittingly or not- have actually reinforced the very mentality you originally were seeking some guidance for ... go figure.

I strongly suggest you hold your ground on several levels:

(1) Who you are ... that is, you are confident and comfortable in your own skin (kudos for that) and you should not be guilty about that, doubtful about whether it is perceived as conceit or not, and remain firm in your sense-of-self.

(2) Remain a high school teacher.  It's who you are (for now) and what you love.  To do otherwise would be a rejection of your sense-of-self and a capitulation to the unexamined and rude students and adults who are making your life so frustrating.

(3) Your respect for yourself as an intelligent young woman who happens to be the hot teacher.  In my view, you do not need to defend that nor engage the dialogue about that.

(4) Be firm in your belief that your qualifications as a teacher are what is important -and not your looks.  Don't fall for the innuendo, gossip, and prying eyes that you most likely endure on a regular basis.  Dig in and allow your academic competencies stand on their own.  If you are being held back (career-wise) from advancement because of some misguided perception that you are "all beauty and no brains," then show them your "brains" at every turn.

I don't believe there are easy answers to this dilemma however, I do believe there are strategies that may move the situation from where it is currently to -hopefully- a better place.

For starters, it seems to me that the boys behavior is, inarguably, sexual harassment.  If you have gone to your principal, HR department, and others within your school and there has been no attempt by them to stand by you and work with you to change the situation, then it seems reasonable to me that you should have a serious dialogue with i) your union first, and ii) the school district superintendent next.

You should not be -by law- sexually harassed on the job -and you should not be feeling any guilt or doubt about that.  And, most definitely, you should not, for a moment, entertain the "boys will be boys" mantra, or that's "it's harmless fun."  It is precisely those types of mind-sets that got us here in the first place.  You deserve -and are protected by laws- a workplace that is free from harassment.

Another strategy to consider is to have a professional (male, if at all possible) come into your classes as a guest speaker and address the issue of dignity, respect, and harassment.  It seems evident that whatever consequences these boys currently face, it isn't enough to thwart or modify behavior ... as such, in my view at least, it's time to up the ante and strengthen the consequences.  If your administrators give you push-back about this and they continue to "play the good ol' boys club" game, then simply let them know that you fully intend to remain there as a high school teacher and, if you cannot get their legitimate support, then you will solicit the support of the union, at a minimum and, if need be, outside counsel.

Again, I'd like to emphasize -it's not your fault!  And you should not back down ... it's not your behavior that needs to change -it's theirs!

Please let me know if you engage any of these suggestions and the outcomes as you move forward.

Be strong and good luck!

Answer 22

Everyone has given great advice and I have given lots of 'thumbs up' to those people. My only contribution then would be to invite you to look at yourself and see what it is that is preventing you from owning your ADULT FEMALE power and being a COMMANDING presence in your classroom.  Let's face it, if you're very attractive, then guys that age will act like jerks, but how you behave and carry yourself will GREATLY minimize the problem or MAXIMIZE the problem once the kids see how you deal with it the first time some jerk makes a comment to you.

I don't mean to get all Freudian on you, but until you 100% do not want this behavior in your classroom, it will continue to be a huge disruption.

Maybe you enjoy & need this behavior from the boys to feel pretty? Does this question bother you?  You can STAY attractive and dress beautifully and OWN your FEMALE ADULT beauty & POWER and have those boys TOE THE LINE and give you RESPECT.

Good luck to you,

Yam King

Answer 23

Get a teachers aid. While I realize a paying position would be impractical, if not down right impossible, perhaps someone could do some extra credit work for you?

Having someone else in the classroom would increase your authority, deflect some attention away from you and give you some back up should things get out of hand.

Answer 24

Well, I can tell you from a student's POV what works; I can remember seriously crushing on my history teacher in 8th grade (he was also the baseball coach and 90% of the girls in school were ga-ga over him).

First of all, he expected A LOT out of us.  He didn't let class time lag and made it clear from the start what his expectations were.  

Second, be sure to dress nicely but not in anything that could in any way be seen as provocative, or even casual.  He always dressed professionally, even more so than some of the other teachers.  This kept things from getting too "comfortable" or casual in his classes and kept his status as the teacher firmly in place.

Third, never be in a room alone with one of the guys in your class.  Arrange for peer tutoring, a group session with girls or another teacher, whatever you have to do.

Fourth - you can be a "cool" teacher, but don't let your guard down.  You're in charge, and they need to meet your expectations.

Fifth - they're misbehaving to get your attention, so give them the opposite.  Send them to the office, give them detention (with another teacher), etc.  If they want your respect, they need to earn it with their good behavior rather than demand it with their bad behavior.  We stopped acting up in his class the moment someone got a detention with the most crochety teacher in school.  Soooo not worth it.

Lastly - seek out an experienced teacher that you trust and ask them what to do about it.  They will know the dynamics of your school, and they've likely either faced it themselves or had colleagues who have been through the same thing.  You do need to take control and deal with it - which is what you're trying to do - but don't be afraid to ask them for advice as well.

Good luck :)

Edit - please know I'm not trying to attack you.  I am now a teacher (private classes) and I understand how difficult that would be.  Unfortunately, outside of seeking the help of the administration and more experienced teachers, there's not much you can do for the short-term.  The kids have developed social norms of their own, and seeing you as the "hot teacher" is part of that.  

What you can do is stick it out and do what you can to slowly change those norms.  Show them that achieving earns your respect and that you don't tolerate their behavior.  It's going to take some pretty creative measures, and it may last for a while.  There may be some students, those that aren't really there to learn, that never respect you - but there will be many more that do.

If you feel that you are meant to teach them, then focus on that.  Teach them.  There will be some that choose not to learn - and sadly, that's their choice - so focus on the ones that make the right choice.  At the end of the day, seeing those kids grow and achieve will make the rest worth it.

Answer 25

I have this same problem, only I'm a substitute teacher, not a full-time teacher. My best advice is to be consistent. Lay out your rules and expectations at the start and address deviations from these promptly and effectively. We have a great administrative team at the high school where I usually work. If you feel the need, send the students to the office. Make sure you tell your administrator exactly what happened, so that proper action can be taken. If you don't feel comfortable addressing this behavior during class, make sure you take note of it and report it to your administrator later. You will only be taken seriously if you stand your ground and do something about the behavior, EVERY time. Don't excuse behavior from some students (because you like them, know them from outside of class, etc) and disciple others, or else they don't see you as an authoritative figure. You must remind them that you are their teacher, not their friend. Don't worry about hurting feelings, teenagers are very resilient. I have gotten numerous students suspended and they still "like" me but know that if they act up, I'm not going to put up with it. Make sure you don't make threats, tell the students in advance that they get one warning, and after that ______ will happen, and make sure you follow through. I have seen so many teachers tell the students "if you do that one more time, I'm going to send you to the office" the student does it 10 more times, and the teacher just gives the same warning. Take action missy! Good luck = )

Answer 26

I don't want to seem conceited either, but I had similar problems with girls.  (Keep in mind that I started teaching 20 years ago)  One girl begged me to call her after her 18th birthday.  Another girl offered to cook me a full meal with my favorite cake if I did not give her a "D"  The giggling, etc.  It was very uncomfortable.

Maintain a safe distance.  Do not put yourself in a position of controversy.  (i.e. Being alone with them)  Once you gain respect, they should back off.  Remember to maintain the "teacher-student" relationship and do not let it go beyond that.  

Most everything that is happening is innocent fun on their part.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 27

Teach at a girls' school.