How do I deal with my 12 year old. She has lost all interest in me since her mother and I split.?

Question

We split over a year ago, and in that time, our visits have been tainted. Recently, our time together has increased to 3 days a week, yet she is miserable with me and refuses to relate. What can I do? At what point do I let her go and hope that she will want to come back to me, want to spend time with me, want to see me. Her first priority is her friends and friends only. Help!

Answer 1

This is a critical time in her social development.  She is supposed to be focusing on friends right now but because of matters outside her control, she has to double up on parent time.  I would resent that too.  You can't force her to want something.  All you can do is make yourself as available to her as you can, and at her comfort level.  You could try allowing her to have friends over when it's your turn for visitation, for starters.

What you're suffering through right now is a natural consequence of divorce.  Sorry you guys couldn't keep it  together.

Answer 2

Why did you split?  If you left your wife for someone else or for a reason that was your fault maybe she doesn't respect you anymore.  There's nothing you can do except wait your turn...you really left at a bad time in her life.  Instead of being a regular kid she has to visit you...she's supposed to be in her bedroom talking to her friends on the phone while her parents are downstairs watching TV...nice going, how to s***w a kid up.

Answer 3

Don't let her go she still needs her dad. It is normal for her friends to be so important at this stage of life. Have you thought about including her friends in places you both go or including them in things she has an interest in doing? Knowing who her friends are isn't a bad idea, just be wary of criticizing her friends too much. She will always need you but she can't show it right now.

Answer 4

Look.  It's very tough on kids when the perants split up and it's understandable your trying to make the best of the situation and it's very good that you care about her, but she is YOUNG.

Being 12 years old she is still growing and learning about the world.  If she wants to spend more time with her mother than you should just allow her to do so.

There is'nt any point trying to hope she will some how like you.  Your not a bad person!  But like I said, she is young and for all you know, she might completly change her opinion of you when she is older and actually begin to like you more!

The BEST thing you should do is to always try remind her you still care about her.   Remember her birthdays, remember special events, and anything that can make her one day appreciate all the things you did for her.

When she is older and more mature she might look back and understand the situation better and realise that you always did in fact care about her.

Also NEVER try to win her over.   Don't ever try to buy her over with gifts and money or whatever.

I've seen some kids grow up with the perants almost trying to win their love with money.  All that does is make the child disrespectfull and rebellious because they think they can do whatever they want.

Another thing to take note of is that she will be entering her teenage years.  Kids at these ages go through SO MANY life changes and emotional changes.  She will face alot of kids who will try get her to have s*x, drink alcohol, or even do some type of drugs.   So make dam sure you keep your foot in the door and make sure she is'nt falling off the tracks.

h**l when you spend time with her, take her out to have some fun and then sit her down to talk and just try understand what's going on in her life.  Try talk with your ex-wife and understand what she is doing to make sure she is'nt going off the tracks.  

Anyways I hope this helps!