How do I deal with my husband's ex-wife? Please HELP!!!

Question

Okay so me and my husband have been married for over a year now and he has two young children with his previous wife. I'm a teacher so my work schedule really fits with his kids so I take care of them during the weekends and some during the summer when both of their parents are at work. But for some reason his ex-wife can't stand me. I don't expect her to love me or anything but I deserve to be treated decently by her. I mean I can understand why she would dislike me because I'm married to her ex-husband but it's not like I did anything wrong. They had been seperated for 2 years and divorced by the time I even met him. I also think she believes I'm young in stupid simply because I'm a little over 10 years younger than my husband. (I'm in my mid 20's and my husband is in his mid 30's) She talks badly about me in front of mutual friends she shares with my husband and now my husband is having problems with his friends because he doesn't like what some of their opinions are of me. I'm sick of it. I'm not a gold digger.... I make my own money and I'm not using my husband. What should I do?

Answer 1

She may not ever like you.  You are the other woman with her kids.  Most women don't like a strange woman with their kids and that is probably the reason she doesn't like you.  You can talk to her and try to become more familiar with her and she with you.  This may help.  Get your husband to help you.  This effects his kids too.  

Answer 2

Dealing with the ex-wife is very difficult.  My husband's ex-wife definitely dislikes me.  When my husband didn't have custody of his daughter, he would usually pick her up and drop her off while I would wait in the car because generally there was always some negative comment made toward me.  Gradually, rumors started flying around town about me...she told people I do drugs, we're crackheads, blah blah.  Now we live in a different state and she hasn't bothered to contact or try to see her daughter.  When we were seeing her, I tried to speak to her the least possible because I knew the more I'd speak the more she would anger/upset me.  I wish youthe best of luck.  It is never easy dealing with the ex..

Answer 3

This is a common problem in divorce situations.  Even if we are unhappy and end a relationship by our own choice, we all have trouble accepting it when our ex develops a relationship with someone else.

Yes, you do deserve to be treated politely and with a little respect.  The best thing to do would be to have your husband speak to his ex-wife.  He needs to tell her that her attitude isn't helping things and that he doesn't want the children to see you not getting along. You need to keep things nice, because kids see it and feel it when things get nasty.

If she won't listen to reason, you can simply ignore her.  Treat her as kindly as you can and try to be the best person you can be.  Don't come down to her level.

As far as those friends -- they aren't very good friends if they are being such jerks.  Everyone knows that the ex-wife isn't going to like the new wife and might even start spreading mean gossip.  They know they shouldn't listen.  They are just a bunch of gossips with nothing better to do that put down people they don't even know.  If that's the kind of friends they are, lose them.

Answer 4

Ask your husband's ex-wife to sit down and talk with you. Explain to her that you dislike the way she talks about you in public. Allow her to say what she needs to say as well (keep in mind, just because she and your husband are divorced doesn't mean that she has stopped seeing him has her territory). Talk calmly and rationally while venting all that you need to say.

By the sound of her immature behavior, this might not work. In this case, your husband needs to stand up to her and say, "This is my wife. I love her and she's a good, hard working woman. I'm offended by the way you talk about her and it needs to stop." .

Answer 5

I think you should talk to your husband and ask his opinion. Then talk to his ex-wife. Your husband already divorce with her so ask her why she is disturbing you.  

Answer 6

I'm sure you are great with her children and when she is with them hears good stories of you, so maybe she is jealous. This reminds me of the movie Stepmom. Develop a friendship and memories of your own, ask for her advice on children and your husbands habits, I think it will make her feel like she is not being left out.

Answer 7

Being in your mid 20's, is not as if you're a young naive teen girl. You are considered an adult woman, so I don't believe that she would consider you being stupid and young.

She either still has feelings for her ex-husband and resents you because you are his new wife. Or it could be that she dislikes him and does not like seeing him happy.

Huh? Gold digger and using your husband?  LOL...your husband is not that much older than you, nor are you that much younger than he. If he were truly made of gold, why would his wife have to work?  Why does he not hire a nanny for his kids?

Really, you need to stop being so pretentious.