How do I deal with my husband's low labido?

Question

We're both in our twenties, I'm athletic and attractive, I treat him well... I am trying to be patient, but it's driving me insane and the worst part is that I'm having feelings of resentment, and I don't want that. I'm already going to counseling... he won't go. Talking about it to him makes it worse. How do I go through my life like this?! Why should I have to! I'm so young! And I can never be with another man again since I'm married(I don't believe in divorce). And masterbating doesn't do the trick... it's not that I always need an o****m... I need that connection with him. Do I really have to go through my life keeping this inside and feeling trapped? He's giving me no options!

Answer 1

Was he highly sexed before you married him?  If so something isn't quite right.  He has to be doing something to relieve himself.

Answer 2

Give me a call, I can help.

Answer 3

Tough situation.

Have you considered seducing him? When you clean up the house, wear a little plaid skirt and a tiny T-shirt. When you cook, wear just an apron and a smile (don't do this while cooking bacon, though). When going to bed, wear the silky panties and not the plain cotton ones.

You don't have to initiate. Just make yourself very available. Ask him to come into the bathroom to scrub your back. Share a shower under the pretense that its better for the environment.

You might also want to look to the relationship. Is it healthy? What do you do for your man to make him feel more manly (s*x doesn't count)? Do you compliment him in front of others? Do you insult him? Criticize him? Do you thank him routinely when he cleans up the house, keeps the car full of gas, or does the laundry?

These things seem trivial, but they do have an impact on how manly we feel. And when we feel manly, our libido kicks up.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

You need to make him discuss it.  There are so many reasons why he may have a low libido and he might not be able to face them, but y'know, sometimes we have to do what we have to do and imho anythign that affects the other partner is the business of the other partner.  So whether he's secretly g*y, severely depressed, over worked and tired, seeing someone else, going through a 'thing', has recently discovered that he was molested as a kid, embarrassed about his recent shape, the last time you had s*x you bit his weener and now he's scared  - whatever it is, you need to work some magic and get him to open up if you want this resolved.   After the ice-cave has opened, it's your choice: counseling, s*x therapy, romantic breaks, roleplay - all that jazz, whatever works.  First he must talk.

Edit:  IO just checked back here and with your additions I just wanted t oadd that don't let him wear you down int othinking this is your fault - it's not.  Also, if his thoughts were subconscious, he wouldn't know he's having them, so he's just deflecting.  Genuinely, from what he does say, it sounds quite harsh on you/critical & deflective more than even defensive etc and that makes me wonder if he's possibly sleeping around?  If he's on the up about a low libido, he's really messed up about such a basic medical condition to become so insulting and negative towards others.

Answer 5

You have a tough problem to deal with. However the statement he made:

"He also said that men don't get turned on... that women can't turn a man on... meaning men are either horny or they're not at different times and that it has nothing to do with how s**y someone looks",  is totally false!!

Men are usually more horny in the mornings and usually have an erection, something you might want to check on. It sounds like he has a very low libido and even tho he is in his 20's, he still might have hypogonadism, i.e. low testosterone. It's called idiosyncratic hypogonadism which only means his testicles aren't producing like they should be and the cause is unknown. Doesn't sound like you'll be able to get him to consult an MD but IMO he should.

Answer 6

Since you don't believe in divorce and you husband doesn't want you, you are going to have a miserable sexless life. In the meanwhile, you can improve your spelling..."Labido", "m********e", lol.

Answer 7

Counseling for both of you would be great if you could convince him. If that truly is a no-go, then you have to get him to talk.

Try to find out what he likes. Yes, married people and be married ten years and still have a "I didn't know you liked that!" moment. Try different things, form just attacking him to a home-cooked meal and a back massage. Do something with him that he likes. Even if it's watching wrestlin'. Showing interest in him and supporting him works for most guys (as well as the attacking thing).

Maybe m********e in front of him. That might get him interested.

Good luck and don't give up!

Answer 8

You don't believe in divorce? Well you may want to start believing in it or you're going to feel even more resentment.

If he doesn't want to put the effort into the marriage then neither should you. Find a man who wants to make love to you because after a while you're going to start feeling unwanted and unnattractive cause of it. Its not healthy or normal in a marriage to not have s*x.

Good luck

Answer 9

If he doesnt want s*x with you then he is either cheating or you just to ugly and fat and he cant stand the sight of your naked body.

Your an idiot of course he masturbates all men do and you dont know for a fact he isnt cheating your not with him 24/7

He must be g*y then.