How do I deal with my mentally ill mom?

Question

She is staying with me because she can't get along with my dad. But she has constant mood swings and takes out a lot of her anger on me. I'm just about sick of it. She gets all huffy when I go out with my g/f, saying that I never take her to places. But I don't want to because I don't feel comfortable with her during one of her episodes. This says a lot because a few years ago, my mom was the closest person to me. Now she is driving me away because of her illness, which she REFUSES to admit she has. I am 25.

Answer 1

You're an adult and have a right to your own life, free of your mother.  You have no obligation to have her live with you (and certainly not to drag her along on your social life) just because she's miserable and unbalanced.

I suggest your entire family stage an intervention with your mother, using a therapist.  She needs to hear clearly from each of you how her illness has affected you and your relationship with her.  

No-one likes admitting they have a mental illness, but denial is irresponsible.  There is help and she owes it to you and herself to get it.  Please do this ASAP - bipolar disorder is progressive and can only get worse.  You need and deserve a life of your own with two healthy, loving parents, not an emotional child and a dysfunctional family.

Answer 2

First, you ought to give yourself a pat on the back for doing such a nice thing for your mom.

She is probably going through "the big change," which is adding to the mood swings and odd behaviour.

She needs to know that she is loved.  Really.  People who love their mothers often don't say it enough.  There is a song called, "The Living Years," by Mike and the Mechanics that came out in the 1980s, and I think that you should listen to it on YouTube and pay attention to the lyrics.  It is sad, but it's true.  She may not be what the world sees as "normal," but because she has no one to turn to, she needs to know that she is loved by hearing it.  And that is what no medication in the world will ever say!

Answer 3

well i think you should sit her down with the rest of the family and tell her that she needs to take these meds. If you want to get close to your mom again this is the first step you have to take with her.

Answer 4

The next normal days she has, tell her how hard she is to be around and that if she doesn't go get on meds and seek help, she can return to her own home because you can't take it any more.  I have bipolar.  I empathize with your mom.  I know this would be tough.  I also know that you shouldn't have to give your life up for you mom's refusal to manager hers.  While her head is clear, she just might get it.

Answer 5

You need to get on with your life. She can go home & live with Dad & take her medicine , it's Dad's problem, make him handle it.You must control your life.  You must move forword.

Answer 6

My mom is also bipolar and refuses medication.  Chances are if she hasn't been on medication in a while you won't be able to get her back on it.   It's very straining on everyone!  You need to just walk away from situations, go in your room and lock your door.  You have to take breaks to keep yourself sane.  Good Luck!

Answer 7

my Grandmother is completely bi polar and so far she has run everyone off but me, and let me tell you, it can be a complete fight sometimes... sounds like your mom is in the manic faze of it.. and all I have ever found to do is just ride it out as bad as it sounds. the only thing I can tell you is on one of those few "lucky" days, is sit her down and talk to her, and don't be afraid, because it will probably get her mad. I"m sorry. I know this sucks. But my Grandma is 78 years old and has not left her house in almost 6 years this time around, she refuses medication. and therefore there isn't really much I can do about it. she is in her down cycle. yes, bi-polar has cycles, manic and depression. so.. you just kinda have to take it 1 day at a time, and you and your dad should sit down and talk about everything together first. i regularly sit down with my aunt and uncle, and discuss maybe what we should do. but then we always do decide that maybe right now we should just let her be, it isn't a danger to herself i live not even 2 blocks from her, and all the neighbors know how to reach me. this is all i know to do. good luck!

Answer 8

Most important line in your question....."I am 25."  

My advice.  Run.