How do I deal with my son and foster child having the same first name? Help!?

Question

My husband and I are extending our home to a lovely boy from my sons school who needs long term care, but he has the same name as my son. Not sure how to deal with this one appropriately as this potentially could be a permanent arranegement.

Answer 1

Ask the boys what they are comfortable with!

Answer 2

I suggest calling each boy by his true name at first, with maybe the last name or first letter of each last name added.   Bobby R., and Bobby T., for example.  Yes, that will be a bit hard for everyone to do, but better to be hard on the adults around them, than the boys.  Let that be for a couple of days or so.  That way it won't overwhelm the boys as much when you do suggest a change for either or both of them.  Then if that is too much, or too complicated, I suggest you sit both the boys down and ask them to make suggestions on how to handle this.  They will likely have good suggestions, such as nicknames, or middles names, etc., or "Bobby 1" and "Bobby 2" or some other solution.  That way, they will feel some ownership with the change, and neither will feel slighted. Please let us know how this works out!

Answer 3

My best friend growing up had a foster sister who had the same name. They lived together for many years until they went to University and it was never that big of a deal. Over time one of them ended up using a nickname more but I think everyone just got used to it.

Answer 4

I would for sure use their first AND middle names  to address them.

Answer 5

Use first and middle to address them, use a nickname, maybe the foster son wants a new name to go with his new life, there are plenty of ways to deal with it.  Talk to both the boys and see what they come up with.

Answer 6

That would be a tough situation. My suggestion is to find a nick-name for one or the other child.  Maybe the foster child would prefer to go by his middle name? Good Luck!  That is a tough one.

Answer 7

I'd call your husband "Daddy ???" and your new son by his name "???".  I wouldn't change the child's name at all...  he needs stability in his life.

Answer 8

Sit both boys down and ask if they would like to think up nicknames for at home? It's not fair (and could be traumatic) for one to be called something other than what he is used to.

I have 4 children and each of them has a nickname or a shortened version of their full name. We have Mattea, Mariah, Madalyn and Joel. I am totally all about calling them by their given names. Through friends and family - we now say these names too.

Mattea - called Frances (her middle name), Te-a and teasingly, Franny

Mariah - Cathryn (her middle name) and MiMi (I have no idea why)

Madalyn - Maddy (Everyone at school calls her this)

Joel - Joely (we've called him this since he was a baby, he's the youngest in a house full of sisters) and JZ (his middle name is Zachary)

My kids don't mind their nicknames at all - Ask the boys and I'm sure you can come up with something that everyone is HAPPY and secure feeling with!

Congratulations and I think it's awesome you took the child into your home - you're WONDERFUL!!! I wish you ALL every happiness!

Answer 9

Call them by first and last initial [ Michael A and Michael B. ]

When correcting or disciplining them, try Michael John Andrews; and Michael David Brown! Middle names seem to have more power in times of reprimand.

PS: my husband and I have 28 nieces and nephews, plus at least as many 'greats' - including two Christines, two Katherines, two Michaels, two Sams, two Anns, and three Rons!

Answer 10

Find a nickname for one or both of them.  Maybe the other boy has another name that he prefers, or maybe you could shorten one of their names (Mike and Michael).

Answer 11

Why not let the two boys come up with a solution?

Answer 12

we had the same problem with a foster kid.  my parents just called her by her middle name and kept my sisters name the same

Answer 13

We have a situation where i work where there are 4 Bobs out of of 12 people.  One of the co-workers made up a fun way of knowing who was who by adding a description before each name.  So there's triple bob (a play on his last name), big bob - its obvious if you say him, tall bob (me), and new bob.  Something like this might work as long as the names are not embarrassing or demeaning.

Answer 14

For 4 years I lived in a foster home where my foster sister had the same name. We used big Samone and little Samone. Never had any problems

Answer 15

ask your foster son if he has a nickname that he would prefer. i'm sure you'll find a way to work it out.  i think it's great that you are at least opening your home to take this child in.

kudos.

Answer 16

I agree, nicknames are a good way to solve this. I love nicknames. My teenage boys and my 2 yr old have nicknames. Mainly used by us around here, but the boys love it..the older ones are "too cool" to admit it, but when their Uncle who gave them the nick names calls them by it..they light up. My oldset son, Seth is sort of "accident prone" ;)..so we call him "stitch" because he has had a lot of trips to the emergency room to get stitches..lol..my middle son, Chase..he likes the Georgia Blulldogs, so we call him "Bulldog". My youngest, Bryson...well he dubbed himself "Bubba" because he couldn't say Bryson!! Anyway, just have fun w/ the nick names and I hope this helps.

Answer 17

My aunt married a man years ago. They both had a son named Michael. Her son became known as Mikey and his son went by Mike. Is there some way to do that with their names? If not, you could call them both by their first and middle names.

Answer 18

Whats the name? Maybe we could help you to come up with a nickname?

A nickname  for both is a good idea. I lived with my aunt for a while and we both have the same name, (Gillian), so I was Jill, and she was Jilly.

Answer 19

first, you do not change either ones name.  not at this age!

he's from your sons school and apparently they can figure it out there.  take that lead.