Question:

How do I deal with my son?

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Ever since my sixteen years old son moved back in with me and my husband after disappearing with his father at ten years old. Things have been nothing but a problem.

To start with, my son’s father would put him in boxing or wrestling class to keep him busy after school and on the weekend. So now my son is always mad at everybody because we will not let him box and he cannot get in wrestling until school start again. So he has been sneaking out a lot lately. It’s creating havoc for everybody.

Other big problem is, he’d often disappear. Sometime we would look for him then make him come home. But he has always been very secretive about where he trains and we haven’t been able to figure it out yet. So it’s really frustrating for all of us. He’s really fast and can run far for long time. Other day when we left the house, my husband realized he forgot something so we come back home. We were shocked to find him already running on his way to somewhere. My husband says that my son has run almost two miles in less than ten minutes. Other thing that is really getting on my husband is, sometime if we try to follow him so we can find out where he is training. He would often stop in some place and wait for a bit then continue, make a loop around block sometime even a couple times, and other things. So we believe he always know if someone is following him so we had no luck with finding out where he train at.

Just as we thought he gave up on trying sneaking out of the house, we found a hidden notebook that hold bunch of portfolio of professionally done pictures. We found out he got a job as a model without telling us. A lot of his modeling pictures include him being topless and one was even artistic nude of him from side/behind revealing most of his hips and just shy of his butt. I don’t like the idea of him doing all of this while he’s still so young. He’ll not even talk about any agent that hired him. He says that pictures are used for some new clothes company, a sunglasses company, and other things. He says the nude one was for a lotion company and they paid him large amount of moneys because he have exactly what they were looking for. When we asked him about this, he says he no longer do it because he’s too skinny now.

My son who is 5’11 has gone down from 160 to 145 lbs because he doesn’t like my cooking. I and my family don’t eat very much meat. We mostly eat soup, salad, yogurt, and other things. If we do have meat, we eat very little of them and we serve it about once every week or two. My son is always complaining he’s hungry then barely eats and even if he did eat, he’d still say he’s hungry. He’s always in nasty mood because of this. He also wants to cook but we don’t want to hear him in the kitchen at night and he’s also a messy and slow cooker. He’d take hours to cook fancy things such as chicken stuffed with ham and cheese, roll stuff in meat, and other complex expensive dish.

My son also is a Buddhist and refuses to take down his Buddha statue in his bedroom. He also refuses to attend church with the family or even give it a chance. He even made my oldest daughter really question the whole bible thing a couple times when she tried to talk with him about Jesus and God.

I don’t know what to do any more. I’m getting so fed up with this.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. If he really thinks of himself as a buddhist, it would help him to start going to the buddhist temple regularly to cultivate the three positive Buddhist practices of right morality, right concentration and right wisdom. Buddhists are mostly Asians and Asians show a huge deal of respect for their elders.

    Doing martial arts is good for discipline and concentration but not for insecure people. Physicaly fit males need to eat a lot, especially meat because of its protein and energy level so if he's exercising it's understandable why lack of the right food's making him unhappy.

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Even though I don't like to admit it, getting screamed at really badly on one day did sink in and change my life. But it can also result in something negative instead.


  2. For a young teen...please get him involved in pro-social activities...I don't know why you are against boxing, but what ever is removed from his life needs to be replaced or the void will fill it's self. I'm hearing your son knows how to survive and he adapts well to his environment. The modeling may be a way to get his wants and needs met, if he FEELS and this is the distortion of a teenager that you and your husband won't or cant provide for him; he will do it himself. Also know you don't know what has been model by his Bio-Dad. I don't know if the structure is different and this is adding to his frustrations of being a male (hormones), identity, acceptance from peers and purpose in life. I hear you guys eat healthy, again he probably at unlimited portions of meat with his Dad..he likes meat...I would get him the meat. The Buddhist issue...It's in his room...yep HIS room..I would sit down with him and talk about respecting boundaries of different beliefs in the home...and you have to respect his religion as well...My advice control the things you can control..his religion is not one off them...the hours he comes in and out the home you can't control, but the changing locks, taking the key, taking shoes, enforcing a consequence you can control when he breaks the rules.

    for him making a mess in the kitchen you can't control but the consequence for not cleaning behind himself you can control, the time he is in the kitchen you can't control but the consequence for being in the kitchen after or before the set time you can control, and the consequence that are in place you can control...in sure they are consistent, immediate, and effective.  Think about this..does he really have that much power over your daughter and why did or does your daughter give him this opportunity to cause the doubt. No one can convince nor change him and if he knows this gets under you guys skin and causes arguements to gain power he will do it, so why do you fall into his negativity? The loosing weight..it could be to his his high actvity of excersie, change in diet or drug use. Remember..by asking yourself before giving up...Who's the parent and who's the child? Hoped I've help..I've enjoyed responding....OleCoop

  3. First of all, he's bored. He needs something to do. Let him do boxing if he really loves it. Why not? It'll stop the 'disappearances'. And investigate the 'model' thing. If you're convinced he's done with it, it's over.

    He's lost some weight. Now he's a healthy weight. Congrats! He's hungry all the time because he's a growing, teenage boy. Let him cook sometimes. Practice makes perfect and making nice dishes for you is a bonus, is it not? Don't complain about something like that.

    He's a Buddhist. Okay. Don't make him take down the statue because he has a right to his own religion. You can't force him to be Christian, and you shouldn't try to make him go to church. He doesn't believe in that, and he's happy the way he is. DON'T MAKE HIM CHANGE THAT. And if he made your daughter THINK about religion and what she's believing in, great! She doesn't have to be a clone of you and believe in Christianity just like you. If she seems to believe in something else, let her. You don't have the right to control that.

    If you can't handle having a child, why did you take him in?

  4. U are so full of ****. I don't blame him from running away. Also. THIS IS SOOOO MADE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Wow, you have some issues. I just wanna be perfectly honest with my answer on how I would handle it. Just a matter of opiniion you can agree of disagree.

    Your son seems like a very high-energy boy. If boxing is what he likes to do, maybe you shouldn't prevent him from it. It sounds like he needs an outlet for his excess energy and aggression and what better way than in a controlled environment than a gym. As for the modeling, you probably need to have a fair, open minded discussion with him about it, being that he is only 16, he really should be posing nude, any parent would agree about that. You really need to make him feel that you are willing to work with him rather than against him and then maybe you can meet somewhere in the middle and find him an agent that you know you can trust. I can tell you right now though, if your son feels like you are trying to control him he is going to keep sneaking and hiding and putting up walls. Your best bet is to have rational conversations (if possible) and explain the reasons you feel as you do and allow for him to reciprocate as well. He really needs for you to know that he can have input that you are not going to belittle him for. Then, oh boy, there's the religion aspect. That is a controvercial one and I can tell you right now, your not going to be able to tell him who or how to worship. The best thing about this country is we are free to decide on that one. I know it is upsetting to a parent when their children don't see their religous point of view but this, judging by the way you describe your son, is a battle you likely won't win. I would step away on that issue and as for your daughter, she will believe what she will, it is a matter of the heart to decide how to worship.

    All, in all, my advice would be to open up some rational lines of communication, with as little negativity as possible. Give your son a little freedom but have him know that this freedom comes with consequence and there will be rules. but whatever you so, don't try to control him, it won't work. You both are going to have to learn to trust one another after so much time apart. Again, I don't wish to offend, I just want to offer a little honest advice. Good luck with your situation, as it seems you may need it.

  6. You are making this up!

    The kid isn't a problem... you are.  

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