How do I deal with my soon to be ex husband when it comes to this....?

Question

On labor day he told my son he would take him to the skate park (which he didn’t come through) b/c he says he was busy-busy at a labor day picnic getting drunk. My son called him ALL day that day to get no return call until 9 pm when he knew he's be sleeping. He is always texting me or calling me names, saying Im a skinny hoe, a bad mom and that my mom has our kids more then me-which she only has them sometimes on saturdays, this & that saying my focus is guys and not my kids. When I don’t even rarely talk to guys and NEVER have my kids around any guy and I have my kids 24/7 when im not at work. I take them places to do fun thigns for them, spend time with them, make sure my older sons homework is done, etc. I feel I try to be the best mom I can be when in reality he barely sees our kids, he is living with his other kids mom and their kids (which is why we're divorcing). He wont even bring my kids to his place. I am tired of the way he talks to me b/c in reality he is a coke head, a ho, and a BIG mess. He messes with all kinds of girls which is another reason we are divorcing. I let him tear me down for 8 yrs and have been doing nothing but raising kids and working since I was 17. I don’t even want to let him see our kids until visitation is set through our divorce but I feel it will really hurt our older son. What do I do?

Answer 1

Tell him that you're not his to tear down anymore and if the text messages continue, you'll get a restraining order for harassment. When it comes to your son, he'll learn soon enough that his father doesn't hold up his end of promises. Console him when his father is an azz but never make excuses for him. Never let your kids go with him if you think he's been drinking or doing drugs. Period. In fact, if you fear for their safety, don't let them go at all. He won't get any visitation if you request a drug test and he fails. Make every step you can towards living a happy and healthy life with your kids and don't let him interfere with it! Guys like this eventually fade from their kids lives anyway. It's sad but true. Get your son involved in something with positive male role models (sports or an activity) so that he can learn the difference between a good man and a loser like his father.  Good luck :)  

Answer 2

Sit down, talk to your son and see what he wants to do about it. If he is really adamant about seeing his dad then maybe you should respect that. Hopefully in time, he will see that maybe his decision wasn't the best thing to do. Good luck.  

Answer 3

Ask your son how he feels about not seeing his dad for a while.

In my opinion, he sounds like a real jerk, and I completely understand why you wouldn't want yourself or your children around him.  In fact, I highly advise you try your best to keep your children away from him.

If he never wanted to spend time with them before, why should he be allowed to now.

Answer 4

Do nothing.  Live your life, take care of your kids, and treat your soon to be ex like an ex.  In other words, behave as though he is a person who is insignificant to your life.  Keep your phone conversations short and businesslike.  As soon as his words veer toward criticism of your mothering, press the "Off" button on your phone.  In short, stop giving him so much power over your feelings.

Answer 5

Explain to your ex that you will not defend yourself as a parent.  Tell him that if he truly feels that you are an incompetent parent he should hire an attorney, take you to court and have you found to be incompetent.  Then, ignore his texts and calls altogether.  If he calls, let it go to voice mail and only call him back if it's something about your children.  Do not make excuses for his broken promises to your children.  If they ask why he didn't show up or didn't do something he'd promised them, explain that you aren't sure why he didn't follow through.  Tell them that they need to ask him about it.  Let him explain why he's not there for his children.  You shouldn't feel like you need to.  From there, just hang tight and wait for the divorce to go through.  Just hang in there, he'll stop if you don't let him know he's bothering you.

Answer 6

call police when he shows up drunk!  You will have more rights because he is a louse!