How do I deal with not getting my son back?

Question

I was a good and loving mom,till drugs and alcohol became more and more important than doing the right thing for myself and my son.I had a loving husband,a new home,a car and:my freedom!I lost it all.Husband run away,CPS took my son a 2nd time,house went in foreclosure,car got impounded,I went to prison and got deported.In prison,I took advantage of every program there was,to get my son back.In prison I realized what I had done.h**l broke loose when CPS started talking about adoption.His grand mom in the States got denied after all,my parents in Germany got on it,on being approved,to get my son,to raise him in Germany.Everything was fine with my son (4 years old),til 4 weeks after he´s seen his Mamie for the last time,at the CPS office.He started to act out,would jell and cuss and cry,because his Mamie wasn't´t there anymore,the one that he loves so much,and no one there,to let him know,that Mamie still loves him and she will come back to him,but right now, she is in "Timeout" for a little bit.That´s when I had gone to prison.I never hit my son,but I yelled at times a lot.I never ever backhanded him in his stomach,so hard,that he threw up.I never locked him in the closet for day´s and left the house!!!My son and I were together 24/7,ever since he was born and his dad went to prison when he was 3 mo old.He got sentenced to almost 12 years.All these story's are from people,that didn't know any better than talk BS and lies.My son had a habit of drinking warm chocolate milk and right after that,to play with the dogs or run arround,so that he made him self sick.And I know in my heart,that my ex neighbours were the once that said that I would lock him in the closet,because there was a situation,were the windows were open and I had to go somewere and my son wouldn´t listen,so I told him,that if he doesn´t wanna go,he can stay at home,but I have to lock him in the closet.I did,for a moment,to teach him a little lesson,and it worked.Now he is with my ex´s ex(they have a daughter together).After my son finally got my letters,4 mon. later,he started acting out again.I wonder why!?After all this time,just abuanding him,not wanting him anymore,of course he´s mad,he dosen´t wanna have anything to do with me,that´s how I would feel,if I were my son!!!!Instead of explaining him,what´s going on,they have him see a Psychologist.Posttraumatic stress disorder,with reactive attachment disorder,twice a month!And after only 2 weeks back in Germany,I got me a job,an apt.,got enrolled in a substance abuse program,classes,drugtesting etc..And now,my services with CPS got terminated,next hearing is in Nov.,I never had a fair chance,to see the Jugde,to justify myself.My son is 6 now,I haven´t seen him in 2 years,no contact what so ever.......How could I ever let this happen?????So,what do I do now????

Answer 1

You said yourself that you abandoned him and that you let this happen....so what do you want him to do?? He's a child....he's 6 yrs old....Whether you left him willingly, or because you were in jail, doesn't matter to him... he's 6.  All he knows is that his mother is gone.  It would appear that possibly his father feels you are not a fit mother and may want to keep you away from this child.  You have a long way to go before you'll ever get your son back in your life... but you are doing the right things by staying off drugs/alcohol, and getting yourself a job.  Best of luck to you..........

Answer 2

I, too got so involved with prescription drugs that they became my priority. My children's needs went by the wayside. I'm not judging you...addiction is an incomprehensible situation, even to the addict. What I am going to say to you, is that your child is fairly well on solid footing, and I think you need to stay out of his life FOR HIS SAKE. Judging by what you said, you want to be part of his life for you. You don't seem to be taking his need for stability into consideration. One idea I have for you to attempt to stY IN TOUCH WITH HIM IS TO SEND GIFTS AND LETTERS (BUT NOT THE TYPE THAT WILL DEVASTATE HIM EMOTIONALLY]. Sorry for the caps. After you send the gifts and innocuous letters, leave it up to his caretaker to decide whether such an offering will be upsetting to him. If yes, you're just going to have to live with it. Your sons needs are all that matters. I'm sorry for you, but your boy deserves more happiness than  you've offered him so far. YOur choices were your own, and thank god he was given a CHANCE for normalcy. I wish you the best in learning to cope with the fallout of the choices you made in the past.

Answer 3

Wow, 2 yrs and no contact with your child it's going to take work.  I would put your son threw a lot to just move him back to you, make things much worse on him.  You need to do this one step at a time, first get yourself fully clean.  Best of luck!!

Answer 4

If you want to do what's best for you son, you need to ask yourself if you want to be with him so that you can feel better, or so that he can feel better?

Would he truly be better off with you?  Is it worth further destabilization of his life?

Only you can answer those questions.  Just make sure you're doing what you doing for your son, and not for yourself.  You owe him that much, at least.

Answer 5

If drugs and alcohol were running your life, you probably dont even remember some of the stuff you did.  Your son is better off remaining stable where he is at now.  Putting him back in your home after no contact for 2 yrs is just uprooting him.  Locking him in the closet was cruel and you say it worked so that means you still think this kind of abuse is justified.  How did it work?  Terrify him?  Bad mothering skills.  Your son is better off without you.  Feel grateful that he is getting the care he needs and you are getting the consequences of your actions.