How do I deal with people who keep asking me when I'm going to get pregnant?

Question

Now that I'm getting closer to 30, it seems like a family member or friend asks me when I'm going to get pregnant. I've only been married a little over a year now and we're not financially ready to have a child right now. Even though my family and friends are well-intentioned, I can't help but feel that these constant questions are rude at the same time.

Whenever I'm tired, everyone thinks I'm pregnant. My mother calls me every week telling me about the rate of birth defects in women over 30 (I'm 28) and that I should get pregnant NOW etc. etc. It's driving me nuts. Am I being overly sensitive? How would you respond?

Answer 1

It's your life and you will have kids when you are good and ready. Just tell them to back off a bit. You don't feel ready at the moment. They should know at the end of the day it's not them thats having the baby it's you, just like it's you who will be looking after and paying for the baby. If you don't feel ready yet then good for you for waiting there is nothing wrong with that. You are still young. Just you have a baby when you are good and ready never mind what other people say. Good Luck  

Answer 2

I would tell all of them kindly, "You'll be first to know when I get pregnant, but for now, please leave us alone."

Edit: Personally, I would NOT tell anyone that we're not financially ready. It's no body's business. Why would I want everyone to know that my husband and I are having hard times financially, unless they want to give us a lot of money to get financially sound.

Answer 3

Well I remember dealing with that.  I was 33 when I had my first baby and we had been married for almost 9 years before I got pregnant.  Talk about people bothering us.  And to top that off my in-laws did not have any grandchildren at all until my SIL gave birth just 3 months before I did.  So between my co-worker, my in-laws, and friends everyone was bother me.

We finally told my in-laws that we were never having any children.  That really stopped them from bothering us.  I tried to tell other people that I didn't know if we were going to have children.  It was really annoying all the way around.  I had more than one drag out fight with my friends for their rudeness.  That actually helped some.  Once they know that you are really upset about all their questions and comments, they tend to leave you alone.

BTW- when we finally started to really try to have a child.  I got pregnant in just 2 weeks.  And now I am 35 and I am 7 weeks pregnant.  And this one was a happy "oops" we were going to start trying in a few months.  So although your fertility starts to slowly decline at 27 or so that doesn't mean it will be difficult for you have children.

Answer 4

My sister is going through the same thing.  People naturally want to see babies born, and your friends and family obviously  think you will make a good mom!  They are assuming that you do indeed want to have a child, and they want the best for you.  If you do want a child, let your loved ones know that unless they want to contribute financially, that they should trust you and God to decided when a baby will come.

Answer 5

Tell them to cool it and that you will get pregnant when you are good and ready!!!

Answer 6

I know how difficult that can be.  I have an older sister who wants kids but her husband doesn't and they have now split up.  She is 36 and now has to start all over.  I congratulate you for doing the right thing and waiting until you are ready as a family (and financially) before jumping into having kids.  As bad as they make you feel, just assure them that you will be having kids soon, but that there are a few bills you want to get out of the way first (or something like that).  You could also tell them that you are "trying" but nothing yet.  Then maybe they won't pressure you so much.  Good luck!

Answer 7

If you're a good actress, when they ask, you could just start crying.  That should shut them up.  

I didn't have my first until I was almost 31.  Women have babies at almost every age, nowadays.  It sounds like your mom is just excited to have a grandbaby, would yours be her first grandchild?  

I know it gets annoying.  My husband and I were married almost 5 years before we had a baby, so I know how it is.  

Your response has to be tailored to the person who is asking.  Strangers, try, "none of your d**n business."  Family, "we know it will happen when the time is right."  Your mom, "love you mom, gotta go...click."

Good luck!  It's amazing how many people think they have a right to know when you're going to reproduce!

Answer 8

Its your choice hun, and people have to know this.

I think your very sensible wanting to be financially ready.

I know of many woman that has their first baby in their early 30;s, and each and every baby is healthy, with no birth defects, plus they all had pleasant pregnancies also.

You do whats right for you!

Answer 9

Just tell them you're enjoying being married for a while before your children come along, and that there's no rush. And tell your mother to butt out- jeez. Just let her know that her opinion won't change your opinion, so she may as well save her breath.

I know it's not that easy. I was really hostile to my mother-in-law early on when she hassled me about having a baby- I just told her it wasn't the right time for us yet, but we'd be sure to let her know when we actually were having a baby. She left me right alone after that. Other friends kept asking us all time if I was pregnant when they knew we were trying, and telling them no luck yet eventually meant people stopped asking.

And the risk of birth defects increases quite a bit after 35, not 30- and regardless, the incidence is still very rare. You could also do your own research on that and quote it back at your mother when she hassles you.

Answer 10

I feel you just laugh it off and tell them when you all are ready.

You will never be financially ready though just a FYI.

I am not sure I agree with BAG's comment because if you tell them you are trying and no luck yet.  They will give you s*x advice and coming from grandma may really upset you. LOL

Answer 11

Politely state that when the time is right, you will start your family and do not care for any more questions. My mother did not have me until she was 30 and my brother until she was 35 and we are perfectly fine. My (almost) sister-in-law did not even get married until she was over 35 and has had 2 beautiful, healthy children.  It is for a doctor to determine whether or not your children could be in danger, no one else. And at 30, you are still fine. I do not plan on have children in the near future (in my 20s) because I want to get my career going. Right now, people keep bugging me and my bf about marriage--we are not ready yet, even if it has been 5 years, lol. I know what you mean! I hope you can get some peace and quiet soon :D

Answer 12

You are not being overly sensitive they are being nosy and pushy..You need to explain to them that you and your husband are not ready right now and you are not bringing a child into this world just because they want you to...they are not the ones who will have to wake up in the morning...they will not go through the labour...they will not have the financial hardships (because you say your finances are not in order)...

tell them that you understand that they want grandchildren but you simply are not ready right now and they need to respect that...

good luck  

Answer 13

I know the feeling.. I keep being asked when we are having another child ( just turned 30 with an 11 yr old)  My husband says we are done and I would like another one so it really is grinding salt in a wound..  Don't let it get to you and tell them that you will have a baby when you are ready and right now you are building a life so that when you bring a child into the world he/she will have the best life you can give them.  

Answer 14

tell them nicely not to ask again we will when we will ... i know it get annoying we were just married give us a break ... cause babies change your life so much time just the two of you is needed at this point ..

Answer 15

My husband and I don't plan on having children and we used to get this c**p all of the time.  It was super obnoxious.

If you plan on having children, you need to tell your family members that their constant pestering isn't making things any easier.  Your mother especially needs to stop with the scare tactics.  Why would she try to scare you into getting pregnant by calling you to talk about birth defects? That is insane.

Just tell them "[Husband] and I are not in the appropriate financial place to have children right now.  I understand you are excited about becoming a [grandmother, great grandmother, great aunt, etc. etc] but I would appreciate it if you would stop pressuring me about this.  Please don't bring it up again."  Once you've told them not to bring it up again, change the subject if they do.  

I am 26 and these questions finally stopped when I told my family that on no uncertain terms was I having babies.  I have no interest in raising a family.  After I told them not to bring it up again, I left the room if they did.  

Good luck!

Answer 16

Tell them exactly what you just told us.  You're not financially ready yet.  That is a very good and very responsible answer.

If you want to give them a smart answer, start sending your mom articles about women her age that just got pregnant and tell her you've always wanted a little sister.

Answer 17

It makes me so mad when people do this.  Imagine if the situation were different and you were desperately trying to get pregnant and couldn't.  How would all those questions make you feel?  People are horribly rude!  I would just say, "That is a private matter."  Or just say "Excuse me" and walk away.  You are not obligated.  As for your mother, tell her it is a private situation between you and your husband and she needs to take a step back and be supportive of her daughter and her daughter's choices.  And props to you for being smart enough to wait until you are more financially stable!  Good luck!  I hope someday people will realize the torture they cause some people when they ask these rude questions!

Answer 18

If I were you, I'd tell them "We're trying, but no luck yet" This will shut them up as no one will want to upset you by asking again.

Or I could be totally wrong!

Answer 19

you either want kids or you dont.

tell them that if you have a kid now you will go inot 358745 debt

Answer 20

say "why do you keep asking me that all of the time , it's annoying. when and if I ever get pregnant..you'll be the first to know ". If it peeves them off...oh well !  maybe they'll think twice before they ask again.