How do I deal with this friend?

Question

I am really confused about forgiveness. I have this person that I know. I just realized she had just been using me for what ever reason because she cannot get over her past so she uses be as an escape goat and treats me more cruely then she does with other people or with her own family. We've know each other for many years. I've expressed my part but it continues to slip her mind because even if I tell her, she'd forget it the next day. I am honestly trying to understand it but cant. It seems that she has a mask and is not able to trust me even though I give her so much kindness. Its hurtful that she sees me in such a low light. She judges me sometimes to put me down. I dont feel like myself with her. I think I have become a meaner person partly because of how sarcastic she is. I've been with her for so many years thinking that she would change. We have our good points and we have our bad. Now I believe she is like everyone else that I thought were friends. Most of these people have gone down the same route. I have long forgiven them for things that they have done. Some were believers and others were not. Friends come and go and drift apart. Can forgiveness involve having to keep in contact with them if they are still hurtful? I have forgiven her over and over and told her over and over how I feel about it. It would be so hard ot let go because we have so much history together. If I get rid of her then I'd like some of my self will go away. I hate having too start over. What advice can you give?

Answer 1

My interpretation of "forgiveness" is different from yours. To me, to forgive means you don't keep that hurt on your mind. Just forget it. It doesn't mean, however, that you can SPOIL her. It's not help, but HURT. Yeah, you can hurt a friend and ruin her life by being too nice to her so that there's no way for her to realize she has done bad things that are not tolerable. That's why Confucius said, "if we are too nice to those who are mean to us, then what can we give to those who are really nice?" To be fair, you got to treat nice people nicely and mean people accordingly.

In another word, I can forget the hurt she has incurred in my heart, but I won't forget what kind of person she is. Don't think Christianity is forgiveness based, no. h**l is not designed for forgiveness and Jesus even couldn't forgive a fig tree! If you don't help her change, she's going to the h**l. So if you really want to help her, you got to yell. Many people thought America is a country of forgiveness, no, America's beauty is not from forgiveness but the opposite. Our legal system, credit system, everything ... are based on non-forgiveness so that you do the wrong thing, you are over. That way, people dare not to commit bad things and everybody is good. So if you feel like you don't want to be with her any more, just leave her and say something serious. That's the way that can save her life.

Answer 2

I think no matter what you should never completely stop talking to her. But don't let her be your only friend. Spend more time with your other friends and a little less time with her. See how that works out.

Answer 3

Here's how I would handle your situation. I would let the past go, but remain tentative at being her friend at best. I would not allow her to anger me any longer & I would not talk behind her back or anything along those lines.

As for keeping in contact w/ her. No, I would not make any outward attempts to speak to her or hang out. If by chance we had a conversation I would handle it fairly, but not as a concerned friend.

It would be in your best interest to forgive her as best you can, yet remain distant.

Answer 4

forgiving does not mean allowing yourself to be belittled over and over, this person is not your friend, and treats you this way because you let her. she was mean, you were nice, despite the fact she was mean, so she figures she can just keep doing it because you let her. get rid of the ***** she is not your friend she never was.

Answer 5

My question to you is that you said you don't feel like yourself with her.  You must be true and honest with yourself before you can be that way with anybody else. I have been where you are in part.

I tried so hard to stay in contact with everyone I was friends with in high school. I traveled to their schools sent birthday cards everything but anytime tables were turned I felt that I wasn't 'important' enough to be thought of. People and situations change.

If you don't want to totally cut her off, let her make the attempt to contact you.  though hard to do you know within yourself that you have been the best friend possible to her and that should be enough for you to move forward with.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

hey I'm like her except its hard for me to really trust people because people have betrayed my trust before and i really don't want that to happen again so maybe your friend needs some help ask her why she doesn't trust you and see if you can do anything, your a good friend for being concerned but if you ask to much she might think your pestering her and shell trust you even less. Fist you have to trust her and let her know something about you that she doesn't know that lets her know you trust her and possibly shewill trust you in return

I really hope this helps