How do I deal with this frustration?

Question

I could use a little help here. My fiance proposed in May, and even though I am far from being the kind of girl who goes ga-ga planning her wedding, I did get very excited and I enlisted the help of my mom in tracking down possible venues/caterers for my big day. (I understood that my fiance was too busy with work to keep the appointments I knew I needed to make to talk to these people). I was amazed at how expensive everything was, and how difficult it'd be to incorporate the large number of guests that my fiance wants at the level of "niceness" that I want, but I figured that was just the nature of the beast, and I did the best I could to come up with several plans to make everything work...

Well, none of them suited my fiance...he'd repeatedly tell me it was my big day and to do what I wanted...but I wanted his positive feedback. Very little of his ideas meshed with mine, so I was grateful when he came up with something we both agreed on and could get excited about: an all-inclusive intimate destination wedding at a particular B&B in Jamaica. (They'd take care of all the arrangements for me...which made me very happy) I had planned on a wedding there for nearly the past two months, was in email communication with the owners and was literally about to send in the deposit when he changed his mind....

Problem is, I have shot myself in the foot because the original venues and caterers I'd talked to are now all booked up for the month(s) we were interested in...I am now back to square one. Worst of all, I go back to college in two weeks and will have no time to do more venue-visiting, etc (my school is a long way from home). I am getting increasingly tempermental when someone (including my fiance) tries to talk to me about wedding plans because I am so frustrated. What should I do?

(And because we've obviously been unable to set a date, we still haven't "officially" announced our engagement in the newspaper yet...a little thing, but it's bothering me.)

Answer 1

If you're going back to school in 2 weeks - hold off the wedding for at least another year and book your venues/caterers well in advance.  What's the hurry?  Glad you're getting a good education.  True love will wait.

Answer 2

You have every right to be angry & frustrated.  I hate it when the groom does this, and it happens a lot!

Sometimes it happens b/c they just don't realize the stress, time & effort it took for you to do all this in the first place.  Once they realize that, they usually stop criticizing.  Sometimes it happens b/c they don't realize that you actually do have to plan this far in advance & they don't realize that places get booked so quickly; they think it can be done overnight, or that no one else would dare have your date! Ha!  Sometimes, although more rarely, they do things like this to unintentionally sabotage the planning b/c they are just not ready to get married.

I think the first thing to do is sit down and have a serious talk with him.  If he is truly going to be in on the planning, then he needs to step up and be in on it every step of the way, without making costly mistakes again.  If he is not, then he needs to shut up!

I would also advise hiring a wedding planner; she/he can give you alternatives for decor, flowers, etc. that you may not have considered.  She/he can also act as a mediator between the two of you along the way.

Answer 3

Since both of you liked the idea of getting married in Jamaica, do it. Call either Couples Resorts or Sandals (Negril I suggest) and get married down there. You liked planning from afar too. These places don't change their mind so you will be in the clear. If you do insist on staying in the states, I suggest moving your date. Places will still be available for 2009. Try Saturday mornings or Sundays.

Answer 4

Your fiance's fickleness is your problem.  His vetoing all your plans and changing his mind on the destination wedding in Jamaica after 2 months of planning are symptoms of a larger problem.  Is he even sure he wants to get married?  His footdragging here is ridiculous.  You have every right to be frustrated and pissed about this--I would be too in your situation.

I would give him an ultimatum:  that you and he get someting planned by the end of August or the engagement's off.

Answer 5

You have every right to be frustrated and I TOTALLY sympathize with you. I had to do all of the planning for my wedding, and the two things I wanted my fiance to do (buy the beer and water) he didn't get done and I had to do it 2 days before the wedding.

It's like men don't realize how hard, time consuming, and stressful it is to plan something like this.

I agree with another poster- tell him have something planned by such and such a date or the engagement is off.

Good luck.

Answer 6

It's just too late now, for any size of gathering this year. Even for your guests it might be hard to get ready in that time.

If you're feeling irritable now, just imagine if a bunch of other setbacks occur.

The "it's your big day" .... "But".... statement-- that hides a lot of mischief doesn't it? For many brides.

Can you take a break, extend the engagement, and enjoy the two weeks you have until school starts? That's what I would do.  

Answer 7

You'll have to pick one of the venues you first saw and take whatever date they have open.