How do I deal with this situation my mother in law caused?

Question

Mine does. However, she's really gotten to me this time. She watched my husband and my dog when we were in California for 6 days. She fed our 10lb dog 7.5lbs of dog food in 6 days. The dog is 3lbs overweight now (she gained 34% of her body weight in 6 days). I gave her instructions on how to feed her (two 1/3 cups scoops twice per day). My MIL said since she didn't have written instructions from me so she didn't know what to do and fed her 2 cups twice per day - funny thing is I gave her the bag and there are INSTRUCTIONS ON THE BACK and she has my cell number - it's very easy to call me. Whatever. I'm livid. She never listens to me, she talks all the time and then accuses me when she makes a mistake. Should I be mad or just forget about it? She is in California now - should I talk to her about it when she gets back?

Answer 1

Tell her that unless she starts listening to you, she isn't even allowed in your house.

Answer 2

Grrrr.  These women who think you have stolen their son from them...

I had to deal with one (luckily with the full support of my man) and her antics for a long time.  She bugged the h**l out of me, treating me like nothing, trying to control us and have everything revolve around her.  

Then ... I read "Toxic Inlaws" by Susan Forward and had a strategy to deal with her.  It worked so well and we actually get on so much better.

Try and get hold of a copy.  Oh, and keep hold of your dog!  Ha!

(Seriously, just cut down the food by a little each day so she's not too hungry.  My dog loves fresh lightly cooked veggies and it's a great way to keep hunger at bay in a healthy way.  Get lots of exercise with your dog and she'll be ok.)

Answer 3

Yes, talk to her about it. Reiterate that if she's not sure how to do something or how you want something done, to call you. Or, just stop having her do stuff for you. Either or.

Answer 4

ahhhhhhhh the great old MIL. Aren't they just big pains in the A$$. Is it really worth it to get into it with her. when you probably have enough stress with being pregnant.

The dog will lose 3 pounds in a week.

Answer 5

Never leave the dog with her again.

If you need to go away again leave instructions with your husband to pass on then she can't say you have made a mistake.

Acknowledge that all MILs are irritating.

I wouldn't bring it up it won't get you anywhere and will only cause a rift, with hubby in the middle.

Answer 6

its a case of she probably could not be bothered to read the instructions on the bag and now the dog is suffering because its put on weight just don't leave the baby with her if you ever go away

Answer 7

Look, you have every right to be mad, but that doesn't mean you should call her up and confront her.  This is an opportunity to set boundaries with your MIL.  Write out a list of rules for her to follow next time she watches your dog and give it to her.  If she doesn't follow the rules then you point to that list and the fact that she broke the rules as a reason not to ask her to watch your dog anymore.  

I doubt that she purposely over-fed your dog.  But since the dog is your responsibility to take care of, you have a right to set clear and straight-forward rules for others to follow.  

As good as it is to be considerate of your MIL's feelings it is also helpful to recognize that her insecurities about her son "leaving her" are her issues and that she needs to work them out on her own.  You don't need to take responsibility for her insecurities and you are actually being kinder by not taking responsibility for her issues because then she is more likely to be able to deal with them on her own.  

Answer 8

Take a breath.. relax...  did she do anything on purpose or to be mean?  Some folks are just absent minded.  Your personalities may just not mesh well.  

Either way, if she bothers you THAT much, stop asking her for favors, ask someone else.

Tell your husband to talk/deal with her from now on.