How do I decline offers for work happy hours?

Question

I work in a really small office, and have been here for about three months. I'm really happy with the company and the job while I'm at work, but everyone else here are like, really good friends or something and LOVE spending time with each other after work (most are single and really into sports and such). They're great people for having to be around all day, but in social environments, we just have nothing in common, and I get really bored and just want to go home and have my personal time. I've gone to two social outings (one was mandatory, and one was a quick happy hour after work on Friday) and because they have happy hour every week on Fridays, I always get offers to go, but I end up declining, thinking of excuses like, "I have plans," or "We're meeting up with other friends." Sometimes it's true, and sometimes not, but I would rather put an end to the constant excuses and come up with a polite way to say, "Hey, I love you guys while I'm here, but I like to leave right after work to be with my own friends and fiance." I feel bad, but I always dread Friday afternoons because I know I'll have to come up with some excuse, and I feel really guilty ... but it's Friday for God's sake, and I like to do my own thing, you know? Even if you don't have any advice for me, I'd like to hear what you think about the situation. Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

I can completely relate. But one thing I recently saw somewhere that it's important to be included. It might be worth it to go and hang out with them for a few minutes. You can always leave early. I have done this. But it depends, if you plan to change jobs then I would not worry about it. Someone I know routinely hangs out with work people and she's been promoted. She is the ditzy blonde. I'm learning from her. Of course nobody really does anything at my work like that. Our outings are kind of a joke because we are not a team. It's dysfunctional. We just go through the motions. The last place I worked wasn't like this at all. I would still be there if I hadn't moved. I got married. We couldn't afford to move closer. I didn't have a lot in common outside of work with those people but I enjoyed spending time with them because it was easy. I had better things to do. Do what you can to stay somewhat involved. It should pay off in the future. That's the best advice I can offer.  

Answer 2

Try to preempt the question.  When you see them coming up to you or mentioning it, just jump in with I am soooo glad it's Friday!!  I can't WAIT to get home and see my fiancee.

Or say something long term like Until the wedding, I have vendor meetings and wedding planning every weekend.  I just don't have the time.  Or I don't understand how you guys do this every week.  By the time Friday rolls around I'm EXHAUSTED.  I just want to sit around and relax in a nice bath!  That way it's more of a long term no.

I'm the same way.  I try to schedule time every now and then to go.  About once every 2 months I go out with my coworkers.  It seems to make them happy.

With the closer ones I joke around a bit too (but only people I KNOW won't take it the wrong way).  Something like I've seen you so much this week I feel like I live here.  Or I've seen enough of you already.  Sometimes I joke about Sorry, talking to you guys this week has used up all my social.  You know I'm not a social person to begin with.

Everyone always wants to know what you are up to.  If you mention your weekend plans ahead of time, they know you are too busy.  And with wedding planning--I bet you are.

Answer 3

All you need to do is establish a firm no thank you and leave at that. Do not make any excuses. A polite no and nothing more. They will eventually stop asking. What they're doing (socializing on a regular basis after work) is totally is un-professional and can lead to disaster. I would also start looking for another place to work. I would even recommend going to work somewhere you know will have good work ethics- perhaps in a school system (where I work). The pay is not as good, but your work inviroment is so pleasant you will never want to leave (plus, the health insurance is the most outstanding).  I used to be intimidated by co-workers until I took a class in professionalism. I found out the ways to handle those kind of work inviroments. I then found the best bet was to work elsewhere.

Answer 4

I would just say, "Thank you but no." Don't make up excuses. I know what you mean though. When its time for me to leave work, I leave work. The last thing I want to do is spend more time with people that are just my co-workers.  

Answer 5

I really think saying no thank you, and leaving it at that is the best way to handle it.  Just say, "No thanks, I'm just gonna head home.  You guys have fun and I'll see ya Monday."  I understand your situation; it can be awkward.  But, if you make stuff up it only complicates the situation and makes you feel more guilty.

Answer 6

Just tell them "thank you but I have plans with my fiance" and then leave. You don't have to elaborate so much, just tell them that you two have a "Friday night thing". I might try to go once in a while, even if it's only for one drink. Tell them, "I can only stay until 5:30, then I've got to run."