How do I develop intimacy with a quiet wife?

Question

My wife is very introverted, doesn't like to talk much, and can spend hours reading books. She's also a control freak - things need to be her way on her schedule. We get along much of the time, as I can also spend hours reading books and taking care of my own schedule, however, we don't make much progress on intimacy. She can read FOREVER while I'd eventually like to have s*x. She says we need to "connect" FIRST. What can I do to promote "connecting" if she's so introverted and controlling?

Answer 1

i think that you need to concentrate on what leads up to the intercourse, and then your wife will be more receptive.  wine her, dine her, and show her that you care.  tell her what your concers are.  that does not mean to tell her "i want s*x and you don't give me any".  that won't work.  if that doesn't work, consider marriage counseling so that the two of you can get on the same page.

Answer 2

Hey, that sounds like me!!!  You better not be my husband!  Just let her read, it is very relaxing!  Maybe she is tired and would like to relax rather than add your pleasure to the list of things to do.  Also, nagging does not help, it will just annoy her.  Trust me on that one!!!  

Answer 3

Get her drunk & go Tarzan on her.

Answer 4

maybe you need to take control for a change, get creative come out with a couple of ties and tell her we can do this the easy way or the hard way, say it in a joking way and see what kind of a reaction you get it may surprise you she may like you to be in-charge.

Answer 5

Do a lot of little things to show her you care. Really, it sounds like she is making excuses- you should already be 'connected' if you're married. You may be in for a long, hard road.  

Answer 6

Ask her if there is sometime that u 2 could set aside 2 just talk or mabey go out on a date or something. Spend some quality time together. Then 1 day when she opens up 2 u while u guys r in beed, just kiss her. Mabey if she's OK with that then get on top of her and kiss her. And if she's still OK take ur shirt of and ask her if she's ready.

                                   Good Luck

Answer 7

If she's a reader, read a book together. It'll give you something to discuss as the book goes along. Talking leads to "connecting"...hopefully in your case it will lead to s*x. Good luck :)

Answer 8

Here is an idea that is real sweet.

Without talking to her, go to the bedroom and set this scene.

XM radio to the Heart channel.  

Soft candles.  Make one of them her favorite scent.

Turn down the bed sheets

Make shure the phone is unplugged

Go to her and take the book out of her hand without asking

Make sure you close it where she was

Pick her up in your arms and carry her to the bedroom

Slow dance with her

Don't let her out of your arms

Don't be a bully, be a man

Talk to her about feeling and thoughts of your future together

Tell her how much she means to you

Look in her eyes when you tell her this

Spend about and hour or two sharing feeling for each other

Don't talk about anything outside that door

Don't let her either

Just hold each other, make love, caress, hold again and again (I like the holding part) :o)

Answer 9

Ask her if there is something you guys can do together at least once a week and try to connect to her that way.  Don't make it about s*x though...that will come later.  Focus on bettering the relationship and the s*x will follow!  

Answer 10

Dont concentrate so much on s*x or your wife will never come around to it. Perhaps, shes feeling a certain way thats creating intimacy issues? Talk with her about both of your emotions. When the two of you can connect better emotionally, you wont have to try so hard for your wife to become intimate with you..it will come naturally.

Answer 11

BOY u have married a very DULL women! I am sorry!

Answer 12

Try a romantic dinner before hand. Include some wine. You can help with the housework so she inst so tired. And dont forget foreplay. Maker her want you.