How do I discipline HIS child?

Question

I wanted to add in he is the oldest child in both homes. Here as well as his moms. Also he was the one who asked to stay the whole summer. he came over for the weekend and decided he wanted to stay so I feel as i he likes it here cause he can get away with whatever he wants cause he knows I wont really do anything but sit him in a corner for a little while.

Answer 1

you should give him two warnings. if he still does everything swat him(spank once or twice) if he still doesnt obey then tell him to go lay on his stomach in his bedroom. come in and give him a 5 minute spanking.

Answer 2

i would suggest you may discipline him in your own expression, you may tell him about what you feel, what you want and what are your punishments if he won't follow...

Answer 3

i would suggest sitting him down when he first arrives and going through the rules of your house and consequences of he doesnt follow them.

tell him in your house children dress themselves, help themselves to drinks and dont jump on the furniture etc as he is at yours all summer you could have a reward chart for getting dresssed with a treat at the end of the week if he does it every day. if he knows what hes aiming for it might give him an incentive.

tell him and your daughter all tattle tailing will be ignored and follow it through.

decide on your punishments, though i would steer clear of smacking him...his mum or dad might not agree..my children had a step mum and whilst i didnt mind her disiplining them if she had hit them id have hit the roof.obviously you need to think up a bad consequence for the slapping as its just not on, maybe early to bed or time out or removal of toys etc

just be totally consistent but accept that he will make mistakes as these may be differnt rules to his house, also bare in mind that boys tend to be more shouty and boistorous, as the mum of two boys i feel for you with the furniture hopping thing and im constantly reminding mine.

remember he might not feel quite at home at yours as your daughter does, so he might revert to baby type behaviour. I wouldnt get mad at the lack of manners but i would tell him each time to ask properly then he can have whatever it is he wants.

another point though is as well as making sure BOTH kids follow the same rules make sure BOTH kids are given the same amount of affection and kindness. It difficult because he is older than your daughter and you might think he should behave better but at 7 he is still quite young and he will naturally get up to some mischief. my advice would be dont sweat the small stuff but remain firm on the rules you decide.

Answer 4

You and your husband need to spend some time and sit down and discuss this. It sounds like you are both on the same track, but make sure.

I would rough draft some expectations you have of this boy. Then have him come in and meet with you and your husband--and formally write out the rules ( I know a situation like yours who did all this--and it worked wonderfully), and have him sign the agreement,

Next I would tell him the consequences for not following those rules. Add that to the list and have him sign it as well.

Put the agreement on the refrigerator, bulletin board, etc.

And since timeouts are not working--I strongly recommend you go to spanking--not just a "whoopin" but a traditional bare bottom spanking--that will make an impression. Probably a hand spanking is enough--but if that does not seem to making an impression use something like a wooden spoon.

If you are consistent in enforcing the rules--the problem will disappear faster than you think.

I think you will be amazed.

Answer 5

wow sounds like what im going through except my step kids are twin 6 year old girls they are just like ur step son i too am i stay at home mom and i also have a lil girl named zoe who is 5 plus im currently preg with me n my hubbys son lol n he works 50 hrs a week plus AHHHH i feel ur pain! but i also have his back up as far as disipline goes and like u i have a hard time they are tatle tales as well zoe this zoe that and it drives me freakin nuts they dont like me cause there mom is a stick and i have meat so they call me fat tell me to shut up and hit my tummy i finally had enough and went off on them. i told them to sit down shut there mouth and if they call me fat one more time i swore i would make them eat the fattiest food to make them fat hahaha i went nuts i think its the preg... anyways on a real note an alternative to beating him would be to just be plain firm i've learned to ignore them when they show bad behavoir it drives them nuts for ex: if he TELLS you to give him something to drink ignore him if he starts whinning tell him only once i dont respond to your demands either ask nicely or go sit down with nothing. it will take a while but he will learn or if he tatles on her just tell him ok and what did u do to her this drives them nuts if u say things like ok well im her mom and i dont see the problem he will stop cause he knows it doesnt get to you i mean seriously it works kids want attention whether it be good or bad soooo not attention is the best kind to knock that **** off

Answer 6

Does he live with you??? If he does there is nothing you can do it is not your kid. But if he is visiting you house you can discipline him. And if he slaps your kid you have the right to say no because it involves your kid.

Answer 7

Sorry, but this is a deal breaker.  

First, he's not your stop son, you are not married to his father.  This is probably a good thing since the 3 most common things that break up a marriage are money, inlaws and CHILDREN.

You are a babysitter.....

When you realize this role, then you will be able to handle the situation.

You need to call his mother on the phone, and talk with her.  Tell her what is going on and what she would do about it.  Consistency between the homes is crucial.  You have already pointed out that you think he is staying with you because.... basically there is a lack of discipline in your home.

Find out how his mother deals with this behavior and then enforce it in your home as well.  The kid has to learn that no matter where he goes, there are rules, and the penalty for breaking the rules will always be the same.  

As for your marriage, your husband needs to take a proactive stance with his son before you tie the knot.  It cannot be a case of "here, this my kid, YOU raise him".   If he cannot be a father to his own son, he cannot be a father to your daughter, and he certainly won't be a husband to you.  The two of you need to be on the same page as well.  He can't leave the ball in your court, you can't leave the ball in his.  Both of you must agree on how you are raising your children.

Finally when you decide to tie the knot.  Please take is a a package deal.  Don't marry "him".  Marry, him, his son, and yes his ex-wife.  You will have to deal with the whole thing for the rest of your life.  If you can accept it when you say "I do" then your chances of seeing this young man graduate college are much better then marrying your fiance' and putting up with his excess baggage.

Answer 8

First of all, he IS your child. He may not have come from your womb, but you are caring for him and he will be in your life for the rest of your life. Treat him like your child. Try not to over react to him when he misbehaves. When you snap and yell, it's like rewarding him. When you throw your hands up and admit defeat, you are rewarding him. Stay COOL and calm. When he says,"Give me a drink." say you will when he asks right. If he says he doesn't remember, say he must not be thirsty. He'll remember when he is. But you have to treat him like you treat your daughter and make him feel wanted. You may be having a tough go of things, but so is he. It seems like he's reaching out rather it's the right way or wrong way. He needs your guidance. He's begging for your attention. His mom has other kids, his had is always working. He's all alone and acting out because he feels it. So treat him like he's yours because he is. It seems like your looking for a way to deal with him for the summer, but he's gonna be in your life forever. May as well make the best of it.

Answer 9

When he demands something, simply tell him once that he must ask you nicely, if he doesn't just don't give it to him. If he can or should be getting it himself let him. your not his slave. that being said, try to do nice things for him sometimes when he does not ask. Time outs don't really work for everyone, I would take something(a toy) that he really likes away for a day or week when he really misbehaves. I find this works wonders. You can also get him to earn the items back. good luck.

Answer 10

You don't have a stepson of any age.  If you're not married to this boy's father then you're not his step mother.  You are his father's fiance and that's it, and you have no right disciplining his son.  The problem isn't with the child, it is with the child's father for allowing his behavior.  Stop blaming the child and talk to your fiance' about HIM disciplining HIS son.

Answer 11

Talk to his dad about it.

Answer 12

"My Fiance told me he don't disagree with any discipline that I choose to take up with his son. "

Are you kidding me?  Sounds like he could care less!  It is up to him to make sure his son is not being disrespectful and listens to you and vice versa w/ your daughter - you are responsible for her behavior.

If he can't take control of his son now,  it will only get worse and put a HUGE strain on your marriage.