How do I explain death to a four year old?

Question

A close realative is in a hospice with less than a week to live, How do I explain this to my four year old son without it scaring the c**p out of him?

Also I am not religious.

Any thoughtful answers will be appreciated

Answer 1

Go the library and get a book on death for children and read it with him.

Answer 2

do not tell who's gona die and that it will scare him, but if you can try to read books and talk him about it, tell him it's something like sleeping, you are with all your friends,parents...with god and that, try to be realistic

Answer 3

If he or she ask just be honest when your body get old it dies simpel as that. our kids are far more insight full about it than adults there reaction to situation are what they learn from us.

and dont discredit any thing they say to your after the fact.

Answer 4

just tell them that the person went to a better place with angels and he/she is always watching over u.

Answer 5

I think the best way is to explain the life cycle of a butterfly (or an animal that he has a particular interest in). Find a nice book or pictures for him to follow. Then explain that this is nature's plan for every living creature, including us. But be prepared - he'll have a whole bunch of questions. If you don't know the answer, find out together - don't make something up! (I've done that before - makes it pretty difficult!!)

Answer 6

tell him that the loved one is gonna go to another place on earth were people go when it is time for them to go on to another life. Explian that people have 2 lives and that the loved on is gonna leave his first life and enter in his 2nd life.

Answer 7

just tell him the truth they know more than you think, better be honest but put it in a 'nice' story, you can think of one, its scaring him more not to tell the truth , and don't let your own emotions get a hold of it to..that is very important  he will mirror your emotions  so get yourself free from any difficult feelings or obstacle's?and just tell him the truth.. good luck

Answer 8

It's just making it harder on you if you don't have a religon... But err, I'll give it a shot...

Just explain to him that when people get old they die and it happens to everyone?

Answer 9

just tell him that the relative has transformed and needed by GOD to be his angel and tell him to look at the skies and he/she is watching over you.

Answer 10

Maybe tell your son that the relative is very sick now and will have to go to another place. I know you aren't religious, neither am I, but I don't think it is harmful to introduce the concept of heaven to children, I actually think it is beneficial to help their young minds to cope with something so final.

Answer 11

tell your "four year old" that death happens when someone goes to sleep and doesnt wake up again..

Answer 12

I am sorry to hear of your impending loss. That is a very tough situation. But believe it or not, your four year old probably understands the concept of death. For example; a dead bug...now I know its not the same as explaining the death of a close realative but they understand more then we think. Perhaps the local book store may have a book aimed at explaining this in a tactful way. Good Luck and again, I am sorry.

Answer 13

Why should you explain death to him? a child of that age has no comprehension of death, so please don't load him up with your grief, just say the deceased person has gone to heaven and he or she will be much better there. Have a nice day.

Answer 14

trust me i had to explain it to a 3 year old just sy the person has gone away to heaven and explain heaven to them as a nice place and i also told the child when it was lightning out the person was takin pictures of them to watch how they were growing

Answer 15

For my kids what I did was I sat them down and said that sometimes when someone is old or very sick that their bodies can stop working.  I told thyem it was like when a toy breaks or runs out of batteries but with people you can't fix it or put in new batteries and when that happens we call it dying.  I told them that when someone dies it means they don't walk, talk, think, eat etc.  My kids had lots of questions over the next days/weeks after that and I tried to answer as honestly as possible.  Whatever you do DON'T Tell you child the person is going to sleep or going away because they may ask when the person will wake up or come back, or they may get scared of sleeping themselves.

Answer 16

Hey,

im very sorry to hear about your loss.

Explain to your son that he/she will be in a better place.  Explain that, its all part of life. you can even buy a book that you and your son can sit down and read which will help him understand.

hope i helped and good luck =)

Answer 17

Read  the children's book"Sam, Bangs and Moonshine".

Answer 18

show him a dead animal. even an ant or something. show him how it doesn't move or doesn't do anything anymore. Also i watched kill bill and they showed a good way on how to interpret death by watching a fish fall out of a tank.

Answer 19

Just be completely honest. There's no way to beat around the bush. I'm sorry.

Answer 20

Explaining Death in a Child's Terms

Be honest with kids and encourage questions. This can be hard because you may not have all of the answers. But it's important to create an atmosphere of comfort and openness, and send the message that there's no one right or wrong way to feel. You might also share any spiritual beliefs you have about death.

A child's capacity to understand death — and your approach to discussing it — will vary according to the child's age. Each child is unique, but here are some rough guidelines to keep in mind.

Until kids are about 5 or 6 years old, their view of the world is very literal. So explain the death in basic and concrete terms. If the loved one was ill or elderly, for example, you might explain that the person's body wasn't working anymore and the doctors couldn't fix it. If someone dies suddenly, like in an accident, you might explain what happened — that because of this very sad event, the person's body stopped working. You may have to explain that "dying" or "dead" means that the body stopped working.

Kids this young often have a hard time understanding that all people and living things eventually die, and that it's final and they won't come back. So even after you've explained this, kids may continue to ask where the loved one is or when the person is returning. As frustrating as this can be, continue to calmly reiterate that the person has died and can't come back.

Avoid using euphemisms, such as telling kids that the loved one "went away" or "went to sleep" or even that your family "lost" the person. Because young kids think so literally, such phrases might inadvertently make them afraid to go to sleep or fearful whenever someone goes away.

Also remember that kids' questions may sound much deeper than they actually are. For example, a 5-year-old who asks where someone who died is now probably isn't asking whether there's an afterlife. Rather, kids might be satisfied hearing that someone who died is now in the cemetery. This may also be a time to share your beliefs about an afterlife or heaven if that is part of your belief system.

Answer 21

Don't go too deep. Just tell him so and so is gone, and let him ask questions. The child may not be thinking or wondering about the same things you would suspect.

My child, for instance, had his dog die recently. I explained the dog was gone and would never come back, that his body was in the ground. He asked me if I still had to feed him, and what would he drink, and I told him he didn't need those things anymore. Then he was happy with that answer and didn't wonder anymore.

Don't give too much info, let them ask the questions.

Answer 22

just fake it somehow.when he is older he'll understand

Answer 23

He's gonna sleep for so long now...

Answer 24

Tell the three year old that the person is in a better place and will not be coming back for a while and then make them feel good by treating them with something good.

Answer 25

Tell him:

Someone is very ill...

They are going to die... and when someone dies, that means that they're not coming back because they've gone to a better place. (If you don't believe in a better place... then just say that anyway because if not, he's gonna ask a lot of questions.) They've gone to a better place, and they are watching you right now and they are strong and healthy and love you. You can't see them, but they can see you... and they're happier now because they can't feel any pain

Answer 26

you can try saying that people's bodies can get worn out just like sneakers. When sneakers get old and well-worn, they are used up and won't work right anymore. And that happens to people's bodies too.

or

you could say that when something dies, they leave Earth and go to live with Jesus in Heaven. (If you're not Christian, you could substitute Jesus and hevean with whatever after life you believe in).

Also, I would recommend that with a 4 yr old, you shoudnt be too vague and should rather use the situations that ife gives you to explain what death is. If you see a dead flower you could explain how the flower started out its life as a seed - grew into a big flower and then when it was old it died, so that there would be space for new little flowers.

If you portray death as something to be feared, then you could create problems for your child - rather portray it as something that is natural, it happens to everyone and everything and its just another part of life.