How do I find my child?

Question

How do I go about finding a child I was made to give up for adoption 23 years ago?

I have no details apart from I gave birth and signed adoption papers, as I was brought up as a strict catholic and my baby was born when I was just 16 everything was organised by the church.

Answer 1

I'm a bit confused - not sure from some of the answers whether you're in the UK.  If so, you could try Norcap - a charity for adults affected by adoption.  They were a great support to me; even though my search took place in Australia, they were able to give me general advice on where to look and which organisation to contact over there.  They should be able to advise you on how to start looking. http://www.norcap.org.uk

I'm sorry some people have chosen to thrust their personal opinions at you.  Everyone responds differently to adoption and only you can decide what is best for you.  I would only advise you to think long and hard about why you want to contact your child, and what you hope to get out of it.  It sounds like an obvious question, but when my natural father asked me I realised I hadn't thought beyond "I want to see my biological family."  Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You can register with  an agency to find your adopted child, but it must be the child who contacts you.

Do be careful though as from my experiece it can be very hurtful.  I was over the moon when my daughter contacted me and all seemed to go well with our meetings, when suddenly she changed her mind and wanted no further contact.

Answer 3

Hi,the best people to help you are the salvation army.Good Luck & do not give up has the laws have changed.

Answer 4

i was married to an adoptee (now divorced though) and found his biological mother, since then i have found a few people. my hubby is fantastic at finding people. last week we found our friends father, he hasn't seen in 15 years. it took us 7 days to track him down. i'm really enjoying doing it so if you need any tips on finding your child message me with your questions and i will gladly tell you some of the ways we have found people. i also do it for satisfaction NOT money x x x

Answer 5

There is a web site for birth parents or the child can sign up and as soon as i find it I will answer again if i can. The church probably won't help nor will SS. I bet the child is already looking for you and I hope you find who you're looking for.I too got pregnant at 16 with twins no less and got kicked out of the house by my very Catholic mother. My twins are now 28 yrs old. Just remember, you did a good thing.

Answer 6

try friends and genes reunited.its really good.you might find someone who knows them or went to school with them.if you want to contact anyone directly you have to pay but it'll be worth it.good luck with finding your child xx

Answer 7

Don't, if you have had more children and a family in the 23 years since then, You may cause more problems in your childs life, If the child was given a good adoptive home. Many birth mothers do not want to be contacted because they dont want their new family to know. Drop it and get on with your life.Think about what is your motive for doing this. Is it just curiosity, or are you concerned about their welfare? Are you willing to take on new responsibilities if they need help?

Answer 8

Most councils have an intermediary service for birth relatives seeking information about adopted relatives.

Why not make them your first port of call-i'm sure that if they cannot help you they will know who the best person is to contact.

Best of luck

Answer 9

Don't listen to this Pat R person!

Your child wants to find you!  I am adopted and I wanted to find my birth mother more than anything.  I did find her and she rejected me, its the worst pain I have ever felt.  This person clearly has no idea what they are talking about, and I just wanted you to know that its ok to find your child.  Its your right, as its THEIR right to find you.  You need each other.

Answer 10

Oh bless you - I have no real answer for you my love as I luckily was brought up in a household like the waltons! - can you not start with the adoption agency that handled the adoption?

I hope and pray that someone else has more answers than me.

My thoughts are with you - have a star, if I could give you 100 I would.

Best of luck xx

Answer 11

1st register with isrr.net and as many online registries that you can find.

Then register with the agency and the state the adoption occurred in.  Use this site to find how to do this.

http://local.reunion.adoption.com/

Be sure to put a consent to contact form in your files with the state and agency records so that if someone comes requesting information about you it will expedite the reunion process.

Good luck

Answer 12

My boyfriend was adopted and when we were trying to find his birth mother, we went on genes reunited. You can find out when the birth was registered and by what name he was registered under. Try this website www.adoptiontrace.co.uk  or talk to social services. I wish you every luck in the world!

Answer 13

well, god bless you . I am adopted, and I found my birth mum through a website called missing you. You can put a message on to that site saying that you would love to meet your child, with as many details that you have about the adoption, and your child's birth date and birth name. Maybe your child knows they are adopted, and may log into this site, or maybe someone your child is close to may read it, either way, you have nothing to lose. Good luck to you, I hope you find your baby x

Answer 14

Assuming you are in England (or Wales), The General Register Office has an Adoption Contact Register. This is for parents & children that have been through the adoption process to register an interest in finding their biological families. Of course this will only be of any immediate use if your child has registered already. However if you register, then perhaps one day your offspring wil search for you & find you on the register.

As an adopted child myself, I have yet to decide wether to register or not.

I wish you good luck.

Answer 15

thought maybe you could be my mom but I'm older than the child you are looking for. I am still searching but really don't have much to go on. Good Luck

Answer 16

Register at all the sites you can find. Contact the adoption agency/church organization. Get lots of support for the emotions that searching raises. Good luck!

Answer 17

the salvation army will help you, good luck

Answer 18

You need to contact the Social Services Department for the county or London Borough where the child was adopted - I think even church adoptions had to have SS approval. Failing that, contact the church concerned.

Answer 19

go to http://adultadoptees.org register and ask for Gershom

*Pat R, you wouldn't by chance be one of those "loving" adoptive parents would you?

Answer 20

if the social services were involved usually your child would be given a memories ( life story) book which may result in the child contacting you however it seems you were orginised by the church usually the church has records of every birth deaths marriages and adoptions i would start at the church and work from there, if you have no luck with that try your county council they should have records if it were a recent adoption i could possibly give you better advise however your question is for years ago and times have unfortunatly changed but still should have documentation of the avent good luck

Answer 21

first of all no one makes any one give up there child ok!!! at that age and having a baby you are concerted an aduilt!! so that bull sh itttt!!!! about them makein you give up your baby is a total lie and you know it!!! but what makes you think that baby you gave up wants to see or hear from you, i sajust you leave that person you gave up alone,there way better off in life not knowing the person that was sapposed to love them and care for them.

Answer 22

contact social serves. than tell them make shore you have all that paper work.

Answer 23

Joy M's suggestion is very good.

"go to http://adultadoptees.org register and ask for Gershom"

You can find your child.  It may take time.  While you are searching take some time to learn about reunions.  Trust your heart.  It is really worth it.  After learning how many adoptees yearn to be found and to know their mothers love, I think it's worth it to make that contact.  And see what grows.

Answer 24

I found my daughter in 2001, she was 29. I first contacted the adoption agency. I was advised to send a letter to be placed in her file, if she had tried to contact me, there would be a letter from her to me, she had not so it was a dead end.

Post on some adoption bullitin boards, I found a search angel through another family friend and they found her. I'm in California. I wish I could send you her name but she is no longer in the searching business. You probably have more info than you know. If you find her, you must be prepared for rejection, because she might not want to be found or she might not know she is adopted. My story turned out good. Good luck.

Answer 25

Go and tell the police

Answer 26

Other than a few total nut jobs here (Pat R and la p**a de whatever), you have gotten some great advice.  I would like to offer one more tip - if you know the region where your child was adopted, genealogy WEB sites for that region likely has a "search angel" who will help you dig through local records.  They offer their free services for "birth" parents.

Good luck and best wishes for a joyful reunion.

Answer 27

try getting in touch with the adoption agency in your local area. i think it is good that you are trying to find your child but you have to be prepared for there to be no results or even if they do manage to track them down they may not want to see you. but best of luck!!

Answer 28

I would start with whomever the adoption went thru.  I was adopted thru the state of South Carolina.  I got my nonidentifying information from them.  Basically, everything about my mom and her family except for their names.  Then I went to someone who did searches for a living and was at that time, trying to get licensed.  She found my aunt first, then my sisters and finally my mom.  Luckily, my aunt had not moved from the little town in Georgia where they were all from.

Answer 29

There is a web site, sorry I don't know the name of it, but if you type in trying to find my child you are bound to run across  it. Good Luck

Answer 30

There are loads of places to look on the net.  I would try all the places given you by other answers.  Then I would put the words 'adopted' in the address bar and sites will come up.

I know a young lady looking for her mum, she's been searching for her mum for many years. This young lady was born in Kensington and I know the name of her biological mum, but we can't locate her.  If your child was born in Kensington, you could be her mum.  Contact me if this is the case.

Good luck with your search, but please don't feel hurt, when you find her,  if your child rejects you.  Remember, she has no ties with you other than you are her biological mother. You remember her, but she doesn't remember you, so you will be a complete stranger.

Once again, Good Luck, take care and many hugs to you...xx

Answer 31

Try contacting the Salvation Army Missing persons.

If you explain what happened to you where you lived and the circumstances, they will help.

Their address is:

The Salvation Army Missing Persons Department,

The Salvation Army United Kingdom Territory

101 Newington Causeway,

Elephan & Castle,

London

SE1

Sorry I do not know the full postcode, it was in 1994 when I used to work for them. But I hope that this helps

Joolz