How do I forgive and help a man I love too much to lose?

Question

My husband is a great man, honestly. He has a kind heart and the patience of Job. Thing is, despite all that, he did something that really broke my heart. Now, (in talking with a few friends) there is a possibility that he has done this .. thing more then once.

I don't know what to do. I just know that my want / goal is to NOT "kick him out" or leave him or anything. I love him way too much. He just has such a problem with self-control. How do I help him, without setting myself up for future hurt?

(Also, a friend told me I apparently love him "too much". How is that even possible?)

Answer 1

About men, we don't change.  Don't expect him to change.  So, ask yourself if you can live with him continuing to do this thing that has so hurt you.

Now, no rushing or pushing yourself to forgive him.  Forgiveness has its own schedule and you'll do more harm than good if you push yourself to forgive him before you are ready.  Resentment will grow and break through when you want to contain it and your emotions will eat you up.

Tell him how your heart is broken.  If you're comfortable, allow him the space and time to try and make amends.  Make him show you that he loves you as much as you love him.  If it is meant to be, everything will work out.  

Answer 2

I am the same way, My husband did something that hurt me so badly to where it broke my heart now I find myself afraid and constantly thinking of the what ifs Talk to him and let him know how you feel, don't be afraid to.  When I lose it or feel like I'm going insane, I tell him instantly and we argue or fight but I hold him tight and I never walk away.  Never walk away without letting all your feelings out.  I get told by my sisters that I love him too much and I live for him which I do.  Nothing wrong with it.  But my advice to you would be to just sit him down and talk to him of all your feelings.

Answer 3

Forgiving is the easy part. Forgetting and regaining trust are the killers. In my case it has been over 20 years. I have forgiven but at times the memories and the hurt still cripple me emotionally. Betrayal is extremely difficult  and debilitating to a marriage. Either way (staying or leaving) you are going to have some deep scars.

                                  Good luck

Answer 4

Yes, you can love too much... by which it is meant that you can continue to hurt yourself over and over and over again just because you love someone. That is not right. Love MUST be reciprocal, and if he is not treating you right, it is not truly love.

That said, if you don't want to kick him to the curb, by all means get you and him into marital counseling! If you are serious about making it work, and HE is serious too, then make an appointment with a professional and make him go. If he refuses, go yourself. It will really open your eyes.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Get him counseling, especially if he is cheating. If this is not his first time you may need counseling for wanting to keep him.

Answer 6

Get an Std test.

P.S. your friend is right...people like that have low self-esteem and beleive that they cannot live without that person

Answer 7

In order to forgive him, you are going to need a confession, an apology, and at least a statement of repentance.  People make mistakes.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to forgive someone, and it is wonderful that you love your husband so much.  "To err is human.  To forgive is divine."  But you are human too, so before you can forgive, he is going to have to come clean about what he did, apologize for it, and assure you about how and why it's never going to happen again.

Answer 8

Loving him too much could possibly mean that you will overlook his flaws and stay with him to the detriment of yourself and your own happiness or that you are willing to keep taking what he is dishing out and aren't holding him accountable for his actions.

Depending on what he did, and whether he has intentions of doing this thing again, there are many ways to get through it, but I think we are going to need a bit more info.

Answer 9

So what exactly did he do? If he cheated on you and has done this more than once... Have you gotten tested for stds?  

Answer 10

Girl be more specific, what has he done ? We are not mind readers.

Answer 11

Loving someone too much is when you will accept bad behaviour from someone even at the expense of your own emotional health.

You can accept that he has no self control, and carry on accepting his bad behaviour with the patience of a saint and denying your own needs (which will cause you more pain in the end), or you accept he has no self control and fight his behaviour every step of the way, by acknowledging your own needs.  Either way, it's going to have a cost to you.  

Only you know if you have the time, energy, and courage to stand up for your own needs in life.  If you don't - accept what is handed to you.