How do I get Satan to leave me alone?

Question

He is with me where ever I go! And he's talking to me....

The other day, as I was walking down the street, I walked by a bar filled with stinky people. Satan told me, "OH look, there is a bar. Wouldn't you like to have beer?"

I said, "No Satan! I do not want a beer! Even though I am extremely thirsty... but no! I will not give into my human temptations!"

I ran into the nearest store to escape from his evil doings. But he followed me in there! I walked by the sweets aisle, then he spoke to me again! "Wouldn't you like to have one of those delicious chocolate flavored HoHo cakes?"

And I said, "NO SATAN! I do not want a delicious chocolate flavored HoHo cake! Even though I am pretty hungry. But I will not give in to the temptation!"

I ran out of the store and continued on my way home. On the way, there was a homeless guy lying in the street clutching the bible in his hands saying to passers-by, "The end is near! Repent!"

Then Satan came to me and said, "Look at the pathetic HoBo, wouldn't you like to go over there and push him over and slap him like a sissy!"

I said, "NO SATAN! I do not want to beat the pathetic homeless man! He is pretty pitiful? Isn't he?"

I passed a Wal-Mart, and he said to me, "Lookey there! A Wal-Mart! Wouldn't you like to go in and see what kind of specials there are today?" I said, "No SaTan! I do not want to see what specials there are today because I do not want to get ran over by the shopping carts of inconsiderate middle-class women!"

Gosh! It seems that no matter where I go, Satan wants me to give in to my temptations. I prayed to God to get him to leave me alone, but he doesn't! Can anyone help me get rid of him?

And I am not crazy! He is in all of our heads telling us to give into our temptations, telling us to drink beer, eat HoHo's, and beat homeless people. And do not tell me that he hasn't done this to you! How do you not give in to the temtation!?!

Answer 1

bend over girl show him what ya workin with

Answer 2

i worship satan

Answer 3

Give in,go on,just once, then tell us about it, please.  

Answer 4

Pray and ask God for help

Answer 5

So that was SATAN that told me to throw eggs at that old lady last week?!!?

Answer 6

They tried to make me go to rehab i said no no no

Answer 7

give Satan a kiss and return his car keys.

Answer 8

i eat the HoHo

Answer 9

James 4:7  

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

...and make no provision for the flesh. Stop going places where you already KNOW you will be tempted.

1 Corinthians 10:13 welcome to the peer group...

There hath no temptation taken you except is common to man, but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted more than you are able to resist, but He will provide a way of escape that you can be victorious.

Answer 10

maybe you are the one who should leave him alone !  

Answer 11

Wait a minute...I don't get the Wal-Mart part? But do me a favor, could you keep him busy for a couple of days longer. My wifes going out of town for a convention.

Answer 12

This sounds like simple temptation. we all have it and it takes great strength to resist it.

But if you are at desprate enough measures I think you should look at what the bible says about that kind of stuff.

Ask your pastor and have him pray for you. If it is too personal to say "i'm being disturbed by satin!" then just tell your pastor that you have a "unspoken personal request."

Consider the fact that this might not be satin talking to you. It just might be your human nature. :)

Answer 13

Haldol is used to reduce the symptoms of mental disorders such as schizophrenia. It is also prescribed to control tics (uncontrolled muscle contractions of face, arms, or shoulders) and the unintended utterances that mark Tourette's syndrome. In addition, it is used in short-term treatment of children with severe behavior problems, including hyperactivity and combativeness.

Answer 14

A tale of the truly brainwashed.

You need to understand that the fundamentalist religious dogma hammered into you is only the belief of a small percentage of lemmings who cannot think for themselves and seek guidance from any theology that promises them that which they think they need.

Humans have free will and can do as they choose. Learn to think for yourself and do as intellectual thought leads you.

Answer 15

Hello

If you think that your having hallucinations or hearing voices, I suggest that you seek medical attention.

You can eat candy in moderation, not too much as it will make you ill.

It is not a sin, but it is bad for you.

As for beating people up who are homeless, that is definitely abuse.

I really hope your not the sort of person that is considering doing anything of the sort.

Evil people do not care about each other, so they are not organized enough to culminate being like Satan, not permanently at least.

I suggest you seek medical attention.

Good luck!

Answer 16

it appears that your problem is self-hatred expressed thru the way you objectify other people and use a scape-goat to control your impulses.

i believe people like hitler began in a very similar manner.

you should visit a psychotherapist to identify and resolve your issues, or at least meditate on the reasons you think all people in bars stink, all middle-class housewives are inconsiderate, or all homeless people are pitiful.

that, or ask somebody to whack you hard on the head.  i'll volunteer.

Answer 17

Wow. How awful for you...

Son of Sam in NYC  said the devil told him to shoot those girls in the head, through an ancient dog that lived next door to him... 7 girls I beleive.

But yours is fricking worse! Ho ho's ! Think Im gonna be sick...

Answer 18

Well, my only advice is to not try to wash down Ho Hos with beer because the sugar will cause the beer to foam up a lot and you might puke.

(I'll bet that your goal in life is to be a fiction writer -- just an educated guess.)