How do I get a 13 yr old girl to remember things?

Question

Not just things like feeding the dog, but things like brushing her (long) hair thoroughly, brushing her teeth and showering. I've gone from gentle reminders to full on nagging and neither helps. I asked her if she wants to be thought of as the "scuzzy girl" in school and she thinks I'm joking. As far as chores go: If I'm not hovering and making sure she does things correctly then it's a half asssed job on EVERYTHING. I'm at a loss here. I'm the step mom & dad just ignores the situation. I've voiced my issues to him & still he does nothing to back me up. Advice please!!

Answer 1

if you want a 13 yr. old to remember s**t, then quit loading her up on the rufies!!!

Answer 2

Hi, I am a step mom myself having raised 3 girls without their bio mom in the picture.

You are dealing with a 13 year old and that has more to do with your situation than you being a step mom.

As far as her appearance when she goes to school, don't even bother with that. Let that one go. Not worth a conflict. When she decides to change her appearance she will. You will know when that happens, believe me!

As far as chores go. Consider making a written list of tasks that need to be done.

Like

dishes

feed the dog

vacuum

fold clothes and put away,

water flowers or

whatever tasks you need done.

Her dad can be involved here too.

Then say that everyone has to pick 2 jobs.

Let her pick first.

Then you and/or dad do the rest.

When you are finished, do something fun together as a family. Like watch a movie together or play a game, or go out to eat, so there is a reward of some sort.

Saturdays were the best! That was so girl's day.

Make your list of tasks that have to be done in the morning, then take her to get pedicures together. Or let her invite a friend along and do lunch at your favorite restaurant. Go see a movie with the girls.

These times were actually really the most fun for me.

There are things that just have to be done to run a household. I understand that. But you are also dealing with a young teen here.

The most important thing is to keep her close to you and her dad.

I wish you the Best of Luck!!

Answer 3

This is a common thing believe it or not.  My daughter went through the same thing and well, they just have to "grow out of it"  I tend to think it's kind of "hormonal" and that maybe their brains are on decreased oxygen or something due to the physical changes taking place *L*.  I also think it relates to sociability.  My daughter only had a few very close friends during this time in her life and none of them were boys.  She actually had a kind of anxiety about boys so I think looking unattractive and grungy was her way of keeping them "at bay" until she was ready to deal with things.  She's much more conscious of her feminine body and boys and hygiene now that she's 15 (which has me in a tizzy now! *L*)  

As for the chores etc.  that's all part of this "coming of age" process too.  Their minds are just in a preoccupied vortex that's all.  ( I read on here one day that there was a 13 yr old girl worried because her friends had kissed a boy already and she hadn't yet!)   Girls at this age just get overwhelmed by a lot of emotions and stuff and their brains mull it over and over until it finally makes sense.  It does get better, but in the meantime all you can do is keep asking her did she take a bath, did she brush her hair, is her room clean yet, did she do dishes and put them away.  They hate it, but eventually the fog lifts and one day she'll surprise you and you'll come home and find your dishes done, the table set, and her in a good mood and actually wanting to talk to you!!! Good Luck.

Answer 4

You need to put your foot down about the Dad.  Your step-daughter knows that he won't do anything, so I think she's challenging your authority.  Making sure children are properly groomed and cared for is a Child Protective issue.  I teach in a school where administrators have to call this type of neglect in on a regular basis.  You should remind him that its HIS responsibility to make sure she is groomed.  Personally, I would have a chore chart clearly posted on the fridge.  Without nagging, without talking at all, check off her daily chores as you see her doing them.  Maybe there could be a (simple) reward at the end of a week.  If she continues to disregard her personal grooming, you will have a record of what she's done/not done.  If he continues to do nothing to help the situation, then you may have to talk to her mother before some authority beats you to it.

Answer 5

1st you need to get dad to back you up, rule number one in parenting is a united front

2nd you start revoking privilegies when she dont do as told, you have her redo chores when she havent done them properly, dont need to hoover just check them and if not up to standard tell her to do it again, should soon enough learn to do it properly the 1st time

let her keep her hair as she wants, just make sure to nap dirty clothes when she aint looking and get them washed, she should wash herself every morning, but only need to shower 1-3 times a week unless she is training

this western once a day + is actualy not healthy, excessive showering dries the skin out and causes rash's and the like. As long as she washes and use a deoderant she will be fine, quicker and more painfree, and much healthier then showering every day.

Answer 6

Well, I taught all three of my daughters by hitting them with the handle of a shovel when they forget.

Answer 7

First of all, nagging does not work. In fact, at that age, she hears that nagging tone and stops listening. More likely than not, there are other issues here. Does she resent you for being the step mom? Could she be depressed? Could she have a learning disorder?

My suggestion is sit down and talk to her, first of all. You need to tell her why this stuff frustrates you and ask her why she doesn't want to do these things ie does she not brush her hair because she just doesn't care about it or is she depressed enough to bypass hygiene? Does she do a half job on everything because she can't concentrate or because she's rebelling against you?>

Then, when you've gotten to the root of it, you can go from there. If she can't concentrate, take her to a doctor. If she's angry with you, try to work it out on your own or see a family counselor.  

Answer 8

Beatings work, but apparently that's 'mean'.  I do it to myself when I do something stupid.

You need to punish her, take things away from her, like hanging out with friends or internet, unless needed for school, then you watch her while she does it.  Be as severe as you need, also, be adamant in your decision, not one step backwards.

Answer 9

chores , yeah ok discepline if you need to but her looks? thats not very nice.. you NEED to love her blindly, thats what a loving mother does. home should be a "safe haven" for her from school. instead of nagging, offer to brush/do her hair for her! buy her a different toothpaste and toothbrush and floss. and some shower stuff ( Lush is a bath company and their stuff is the BOMB!!!.. look online with her and get her something from there ( lush.com) she'll probably want to shower more hahaha) honestly though, you shouldn't be worried that she is the "scuzzy girl" if my mom told me that, i would be crushed.. if you make subtle suggestions and to these things, it will be much better for her

Answer 10

That's just the way kids are.  Let her be "scuzzy" and when the kids make fun of her she'll take a shower.

Answer 11

may be stop the cable, phone, and internet for couple of months.Let see what happend.

Answer 12

It's too late now.

You should have disciplined her when she was younger.