How do I get along with a spoiled step child?

Question

How do I make a relationship between me and a step child better when I can't stand the child? The child is rude, annoying and whinny. The child is use to getting everything they want and will through fits when told No. Every time the child comes around it is like a black cloud just came over every one and it just sucks. Unless we are doing exactly what he wants to do he will complain and whine it never stops. I just want to run away every time the child comes around. The child is 8 the temper tantrums should be over by now.

Answer 1

To be honest, this child is the victim (if there is one), not you.  When you married this person, you know that this person had a child.  The child is part of the package.  This child is obviously angry because his parents are divorced and he is forced to go back and forth between two homes, two lifestyles, two sets of rules.  (Would you want to do that?)  This little boy didn't pick you or choose you, but is forced to live with you part time.  (Would you want to do that?)

Your best bet is to get family counseling (your spouse, you, and the boy).  If you can get the other parent to participate, that would be good, too.

Answer 2

Honestly, it is going to take some hard work and some time.

Nobody should feel that way about a child.

Children learn from adults, and it sounds as if the parents have been letting him act out because of their guilt regarding the separation.

The best thing that you can do is to change how you look at him.

You are not looking at the devil. You are looking at a child who has turned his emotions into tantrums.

Instead of speaking...he acts out. It is how he becomes the main focus of everyone's attention.

1. Buy an egg timer

Every time that the child acts out, turn to him and say "We can not understand you when you carry on. Go in your room until this timer goes off. When this timer goes off, you can come out and speak to us calmly so we can understand you. If you can not act calm, the timer goes back on, and you are back in the room."

Be consistent, and within a week you should see a positive change.

If he only comes on weekends, it might take a few weekends for him to get the message.

Do not give up. There is a good child in there.

He is just hurt from the separation, and all of the changes that have occurred in his little eight years of life.

Best wishes

  

Answer 3

When he is around, you just have to put your foot down and tell him this is how it's going to be and if he wants to have his tantrums, he can take them into his room. Life isn't fair and he needs to learn that he isn't going to have everything handed to him on a silver platter. If his (mom/dad) parent's give into him at his other house, that's their choice but at your house, he needs to follow with your rules. If your SO doesn't back you up on this, he needs counseling just as much as his kid does

Answer 4

With a lot of patience. You'll have to find the good in him somehow, somewhere. Have you tried to be the good influence in his life? I'm assuming that you are the step-parent.(?) If so, then you need to understand that you, yourself are accountable for one thing. That you knew exactly what you were getting when you got with your husband/boyfriend. You had to give this consideration before and know that if you're in love with your husband/boyfriend, then you're also willing to accept the whole package. Children are not dispensable, so you'll have to learn how to get along with his child(ren) for the sake of your marriage.  

Answer 5

Sounds like your step son has been rewarded for his bad behaviour. so as hard as it is you need to just ignore the bad stuff, and reward the good behavior, and when he works out that his old ways of getting attention don't work with you he should come around.

but the most important thing is you and your huspand need to be on the same page and work together and be consistant with your step son, so say he starts screaming because he wants something, walk away don't talk leave the room if you have to, and when he does some thing good like playing quitely reward him! with prasie and maybe some thing nice.  

Answer 6

Get your spouse and even this kids other parent on the same page and retrain this behavior right now.  It's going to take a lot of work to get him to stop acting like this but if it's not done and soon it will get worse.  

You think an 8 year old in a tantrum is ugly?  Try 13.  Or 15.  Or 21.  The last time I sat for my cousin was when he was about 8.  He drove my earring back into my neck jumping on me and broke his toys when I told him "no".  I was the one who got in trouble and had my "pay" used to replace his toys.  His latest fiasco was lieing about his asthma to get into the Army.  Got dropped in boot camp yet thinks the Air Force will take him at the AF Academy even with his substandard grades.  Don't let your step son get caught on this path any more.

Answer 7

just ignore him

if he has a tantrum say fine then cry come find me wen ur done