How do I get another mom to stop taking advantage of me?

Question

A neighbor of mine has kids the same age as mine..10 year old boy and 7 year old girl. I adore her kids. It's the parent that bugs me. I have been taken advantage of! And it is to the point that I am angry...and I do not want to act out of anger. Her kids are constantly over at my house! Even if the kids play outside..it is in my yard. I do not mind this to an extent, but, they never go to her house. Her kids may be here for hours and the only time she calls or shows her face is to tell her kids it is time to come home. She is an anti social person. I know I will not change her personality. Nor can I cahnge her rule if she does not allow kids in her house. But how can I suggest to my kids..and ultimately to her that it is now time for them all to take a turn playing at her house. I fear that if I make it a rule that no kids are allowed inmy house, then her kids will just not come over and then my kids have no playmates as they are the only kids on our street. Thanks

Answer 1

When you have had enough of your visitors tell them it is time for them to go home. If they show up at your door and want to play when you are busy or not wanting visitors, just kindly tell them your kids cannot play today.

Answer 2

OMG!  It's like your telling my story.  We just moved away from a neighbor like that.  We lived next door to them for 5 years.  All I can say is this...set some boundaries now before you get so frustrated you may say something you regret.  In situations like this when we become overly frustrated the only one it hurts is the kids.  Your right.  She's not going to change.  Our neighbor of 5 years never did.  The stories I could tell.  So, it sounds to me like you're the better parent here anyways.  Your house might be the hang out house.  Take it with pride.  At least you know what's going on with the kids.  A lot safer.

Answer 3

While if you can first talk to kids she is anti social and you say the kids prefer it there there must be some reason why that is and if nothin seems to be going on in that house Polietly talk to the mother and tell her you feel that if her hildren spend so mch time ay your place you feel only right if your  children have right to spend some time over there. if something fishy is going on well you know what to do.

Answer 4

I think, in this case I would want my kids to be where I could see them. Not at some mean-moms house.

Maybe that's just me-- my son is only 4.5 and I go to great lengths to have playdates at my house, just so I can supervise.

:0)

Answer 5

The only way a person can take advantage of you is if YOU allow them to.  You are angry with the wrong person.  YOU have allowed this woman to take advantage of you so you have no right being angry with HER.  You need to learn how to say "NO" and stop allowing her to take advantage.  It's not her fault that you don't say "no".

Answer 6

I just send them home when I am tired of supervising........I tell my own children to come inside.

I would just ask her kids if your kids can come over to their house to play for a while!

Answer 7

If she is anti social (and possibly on drugs) why would you want your kids over there?

Answer 8

Its great that your trying to be the better parent, but you do have to set boundaries now before something is said out of context.  I am in agreeance with a couple of the other posters....the next time her kids come over to play and you do not want visitors, simply explain that your kids cannot play today.

Its a shame that those kids are done that way, and really they know no better.  Kids really have no concept of wearing out a welcome and why should they?  Kids grow up so quickly...they should hold on to their innocence as long as possible.  Honestly, I would not want my kids over at a house that they are not well-supervised at.  Just imagine what could happen.  Also, you do not mention about their father and if he is still in the picture.  If he is not around, it may be that she is overwhelmed by responsibility or depressed.  It may take someone reaching out and spending time with her to get things turned around.  It is hard to say if she is actually antisocial...only a doctor can diagnose this.  If you are tired of supervising her children, bring yours in for their baths, etc. and send her kids home.