How do I get hobos to stop having s*x on my picnic table?!?

Question

Seriously, every day they come to my picnic table and smoke marijuana while having s*x. Despite my filming it and selling the footage to sleezy websites, it's getting quite troublesome. Take for example yesterday! I left a basket of fruit on my table and went inside. When I came back out ALL of the apples DISSAPEARED... Inside of a hobo! It's so annoying! Is there some kind of repellent?

Answer 1

A lot of options would depend upon if you live in the country or in the city.

1.-I would think the cops would be a safe bet unless you are afraid of a retaliation.

2.- If you like pets a guard dog would sure put an end to the problem. A Lab is a great family, friendly fog who loves to bark at strangers. I think they want to believe they will protect you. Comes naturally to them.

3.- leave a chocolate cake on the table laced with ex-lax

Answer 2

quit pulling down your pants and bending over it.

Answer 3

get as many bottle tops as possible, nail them upside down on the table top, you should be able to tell by the different cries whether you were successful,or whether they enjoy the pain even more while having s*x.

Answer 4

Invite them in to use your bed.

Dennis G

Answer 5

have a dress code

Answer 6

There is a repellent. Summon the rain gods.

Answer 7

Call the cops...  Or put itching powder all over the table.

Answer 8

you could have lots of fun with this one

Itching powder

sand

ground up glass

an automatic sprinkler

get a bees nest and tie it to a string above the table and at the right time cut the string

a squirt gun filled with amonia

where do you live I want to help it sounds like fun

Answer 9

pepper spray. but be careful that they don't get angry with you and vandalize the house. why haven't you called the cops?

Answer 10

lol--ok---get rid of picnic table-or join them