How do I get my 13 month old to obey?

Question

She is progressively getting naughty. When she tries to get into something we don't want her to get in to we say "no" and take her away from it, or remove it. But she will just persist and crawl over me to get to it, or walk back over there. We have even swatted her butt and she gets sad and does a half cry and then tries it again. Any ideas?

Answer 1

At one year old a child has no concept of right and wrong so it is up to you as parents to remove things that you don't want her to touch.

I would read all you can about child development because a 13 month old is not being "naughty" she is merely exploring her environment and that is to be encouraged, but it is up to you to make sure that there is nothing she can reach that you don't want her to touch.

Answer 2

Swatting her butt is not going to do anything. At her age, she is very curious about the world around her and wants to explore. Much more effective, and it worked wonders with our daughter, now 17 months, was to remove her from the situation or object, in our case, the china cabinet (Not very easy to take away from her). We told her "If you can't stay away from here, you're going to time out." We gave her two warnings and if she went back a third time, she spent 2 minutes in the playpen or a crib behind a closed door.

After the two minutes, we went and got her, hugged her and said "You can't go in there. You could get hurt".

It took about a month, but it worked. Although we know at her age she didn't understand the concept of time outs, she did understand "When I go to the china cupboard, Mommy and Daddy put me in here, and I don't like this" and she stopped. She hasn't gone near the cupboard in almost 4 months.

Don't completely discourage her curiosity. That will eventually discourage her from wanting to and trying to learn new things. Encourage the good behaviours, praising her for doing good and not bad, and only discourage the "bad" behaviours, such as getting into things that could potentially hurt her.

She's not being naughty, she's being a normal, curious toddler.

Answer 3

She is 13 months old...take away the object you don't want her to have, put it up saying NO-NO..this is Mommies and give her something she CAN have to replace the object you took from her...she is just curious at this age..and wants to explore.

Answer 4

At this age - the most effective way to keep them from doing something is to remove it.  If she is walking over you to get to it, then it is not being put up.  Put the objects on a high shelf or behind a safety locked door.

You can try putting her in the play pen as a punishment for a couple minutes, but I don't think it will clue her in until about 18 months of age.

Answer 5

It sounds like she's not yet ready, intellectually or developmentally, to learn how to control herself in these situations.  

Instead of continuing to battle futilely, you might do better to just stop making it possible for her to get into things that you don't want her to get into.  Baby-proof again, considering her current abilities.  

Then, when you think she might be ready to learn and when you think that you have the time & patience to teach - work on teaching her how to politely & safely be by things that she shouldn't touch, using role play, discussion (facial expression & tone of voice work great when they're pre-verbal) and logical consequences.  

It's likely that she won't fully comprehend the lesson you're teaching her on the first try.  And, until she's older & you get a better handle on how she learns, the tools that work to help her understand, you may have to try getting through to her in a variety of ways.

Keep her safe & polite until she's ready to learn.  That will build her trust in you, too, as a patient teacher who understands her limits & abilities.  Trust in her ability to learn.