How do I get my 3 and 4 year old to stay in their own beds?

Question

My son and daughter are 3 and 4 and I have the awfulest time getting them to stay in their beds and out of mine. Their bedtime is 8:30 and we have a routine down, bath and bed. But they just will not stay in their beds. They get up and come into our room and want to know if they can sleep with us (me and their dad) and I say "No, you have to sleep in your bed". If they get up again, it usually means a swat on the butt. This goes on and on, until I fall asleep only to find them in our bed the next morning. I've read everything online and feel like I've tried everything. I feel like persistence is the key but that doesn't work with them for some reason. I'm basically I'm to the point where I'm thinking maybe I just have to accept the fact that it may be a couple more years before we have our bed to ourselves again. BTW, I have an 8 year old son and it was never this much trouble getting him to sleep in his own bed. Help Help Help!!! LOL

Answer 1

i had the very same problem, it was horrible!!!!!  none of us never slept.  i have a five year old a three year old and a one year old.  they all wanted to sleep with us every night....i finally got fed up with it and brought their toddler beds into our room and made them sleep in them.  our room now looks like an orphanage but at least we have our bed back and we all sleep well, lol.  they sleep in their own beds every night now but not in their own room...it works for us~

Answer 2

We had this problem with our now 6 year old.  It occasionally still happens, but with the punishment, it stops pretty quick.  She knows that she can get up to use the bathroom, etc.  If she comes into our room for a reason that is not important enough to wait until morning (we've explained that we decide what's important as she has tried a few different excuses), for the first time, she gets no TV the next day.  For another trip in, she loses computer usage and has to go to bed one hour earlier the following night.  She loves to watch Spongebob, so taking away her TV for the following day is usually enough to get her back on track.  If not, knowing that she has to go to bed at 7, instead of her normal 8, is a big one.  She hates going to bed, so knowing she has to go an hour earlier really sucks in her mind!  So whatever is important to your kids, would be the item to take away for the next day, whether it's a favorite toy, or favorite snack.  Just as long as it's important to them, they'll stop.

Hope things improve for you!!

PS-wanted to add, that when she's truly afraid of something, we let that slide as it's obvious when she's really scared or if she's faking it.  Occasionally there may be a bug or something, those are examples of what we let go.  Her telling us she had a bad dream like 2 minutes after we left her room, is one that gets the punishment!

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my 2 year old and by some miracle it only took me a week to get her to stay sleeping in her bed.  I did not yell, spank or anything, I just carried her back to her room kicking and screaming, laid her down and counted to 5 very firmly while rubbing her head.  She stopped and then I left the room.  For the first few nights, she would start screaming again, but I just closed her door and when she came back out, repeated the process.  It was very exhausting, but after a week, she is sleeping in there every night.  For your kids, I would get a lock for the outside of their door, close it and let them cry until they go back to bed, it will be hard at first, but they will learn. If you wait a couple more years, you are crazy and I am surprised that your husband even tolerates this behavior.

Answer 4

Make a chart, and give them money or a treat every night they are in their own beds!

Answer 5

put a night light in the room, give them a cup of water and permission to use the toilet when needed, and close the door.  they will eventually fall asleep.  relax and allow either one nite a month for family sleep night or encourage cuddle time in the mornings in your bed.  they love you -let them.

Answer 6

If they are having trouble falling asleep because they are scared then the best thing to do is slowly let them get used to being in their own room. I have a 6,4, and 18 month old. The way I got them in their own rooms was the first few nights I made sure to go and check on them at 5 minute intervals. I would promise them that in 5 minutes I would be back. Then I added to it 10-15 minutes. Til eventually I went in there just to tuck them in and read them their bedtime story. If they wake during the night, I will walk them back to their beds, tuck them in and wait a few minutes to make sure they are ok. It may not work for everyone and it will take more than just a couple of nights. Be patient and consistant. Also reward them the next morning when they stayed in their beds.

Answer 7

every child is different and has their own individual sleeping patterns and ways of sleeping. find time to figure out why they want to sleep in your bed. handle it that way. but remember that you should make it so that everyone is happy when they sleep, not just you and your husband but your children also and vice versa.

my best suggestion is to take them to their bed and talk to them ie. "mommy is going to go to her own bed now. dont be scared. ok........so tell me what are you going to dream about." ____get them excited to go to sleep in thier own bed. and relax them too. if they are scared - extra nighty lights and bring out that old monitor-------------------only make it so they can hear you ( but only when you want for them to hear you) so they can be soothed by your voice if again they are scared or are attached to you.

hope it helps.

Answer 8

OVER TIME THEY WILL STOP ALLLOOOONG TIME but eventualy they'll stop IF you don't give in :)

Answer 9

Try reading a book called "The sleep book"