How do I get my BF to get more involved?

Question

I am 16 weeks preg and it seems like my bf isn't all that excited. he does sometimes touch my belly or kiss it, but as far as the things we need he never talks about it. any suggestions?

Answer 1

I am stunned he does that!  STUNNED!

Men just do not talk about pregnancy.  Maybe he is worried that things will change between you two (subconsciously even) or that you will be preoccupies with the baby - both of which are true.  It could be he is sick of hearing about the pregnancy.  Others are rarely as excited about your new life as you are.

Try to give it a rest.  Try not to talk about it so much.  Ask him for help with names, building cribs and baby furniture, advice on crib strength (things men are comfortable with).

Unless he is g*y or does not build things.  If he is g*y and does clothes, bring him shopping.

You don't want him sick of your baby by the time it gets here.

Don't be mad!!!

____________

LOL I thought you meant best friend!!!

OK not g*y!

He will come around, don't push, advice about building and painting still applies.  Tone down any talk of bowel problems.  Tell him the pregnancy makes you horney if all else fails.  Men are suckers.

Answer 2

Sounds like he is nervous.  My husband never wanted to feel the baby kick, rub my belly, anything like that.  He rarely would talk about it.  BUT once the baby came, he was super dad and totally into baby.

Sometimes they are just nervous...or it just doesnt sink in for guys because it's happening to US and not them.  They just watch us get fat (LOL), hormonal, and talk about things they are not ever going to experience.

Give him a little break, dont obsess over it.

Tell him, "Id like to talk about names.  How about you come up with a few you like, I will do the same, and we can compare."  Then he gets a head-up warning instead of just grilling him on it right away. :)

Good luck, enjoy your pregnancy!!

Answer 3

That's pretty normal.  It's hard for guys, but it will get better when he can feel the baby move and see the ultrasound and then of course whenthe baby is born.

Answer 4

He is probably a little stressed out and worried.  Is this your first child?  He probably just needs some time to get used to the fact that he is going to be a father.  If you feel that you need something more from him, or if you want to start preparing for the baby, just make a list of things you need to talk about and sit down and talk to him.  You can even ask him how he is feeling about it and encourage him to be honest.  You need to be ready for him to be truthful, even if it isnt what you want to hear.  Hearing something like "I am not ready to be a dad" or whatever is just his worries coming out and maybe if you guys talk about it, you can help him through it.  Eventually he will get used to it and come around...especially once the baby gets here.  Good luck

Answer 5

Men dont form the attachment like women do for the baby they are carrying.  You have to give him time to come around.  Try doing little things to make him feel closer to the baby.  I ordered a book "1001 Things It Means To Be a Dad" and gave that to the daddy and I also ordered a shirt from the university that he graduated from, for the baby.  Start trying to pick out names together and talk about stuff like that.  Have him look at nursery things with you.  You wont see a change in a n instant, but things will start to get better.  Especially when your belly starts growing or he feels the baby kick for the first time.

Answer 6

I completely understand where you are coming from. I felt the exact same way. It was kind of like I was mroe excited about it then he was. Is that how you feel? My fiance would touch the belly or kiss the belly very rarely but when he did it felt so good. Now my son is 9 weeks old and my fiance and I have gotten into quite a few fights because he does not seem to be doing his part with our son. I know he loves him, but I never see him holding him or kissing on him, h**l he has never bathed him!!! It is very hard but he is slowly getting better. I sat down and talked with him and told him how important it was to me. It is going to take guys a little bit longer than it would a girl. We just all of a sudden get that natural instinct to know what to do and to prepare. My fiance and I have sat down a couple of times to try and work on things and we ended up coming up with a schedule. Now that our son is born we take turns at night. One night I have the 9pm to 2am shift and he has the 2am to 7am shift. We switch out every night because we both work. And anything the baby needs it is taken care of during that persons shift. It has gotten so much better and he has learned how much fun it is to spend time with our son. So, after that long book I just wrote you. Just talk to him. Explain to him how you feel. Things will get better, it may not be right away but they will get better. Give him some time. He does not understand as much as you do because he may be able to feel the baby kick on the outside but you feel the baby on the inside. Give him time he will come around! Good luck  

Answer 7

men get nervous. while u feel the baby move, and see your belly and body grow and change, they arent experiencing those first hand. it took my bf about 6 months to get excited, but it didnt really sink in until he saw her!  dont worry, it will hit him, and he'll get excited! good luck! remember, its just the beginning! :)

Answer 8

You can try discussing the baby. LIke what would he like, boy or girl?  Things you would do when the baby get here.  Once he feels that baby move I think he will start getting that exitement you are looking for.  Its a little difficult for them at first, remember we are the ones feeling everything going through the motions--so it is not going to be to the same degree. Take it easy, he might just be nervous.  

Answer 9

It is hard for them to get excited when they can't see the changes that are going on in your body.

I give my husband week by week developments.  This week is # 7 and baby has ear buds.  Soon s/he'll be able to hear Daddy talking.  

Tell him what's going on with the fetal development and see if he'll talk to the baby.  Say, "Hon, you know, the baby has ears and eyes now.  He or she can hear you if you talk to my belly."

With my last pregnancies my husband got more excited about week 12 when I told him he could talk to the baby and he would hear it.

Answer 10

Talk to him. Ask him how he feels about being a father. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he is not sure who to talk about it and feels nervous. This is normal for new parents.

Answer 11

2 points

Answer 12

Show him a DNA test proving it's his and he may be more excited!

Answer 13

Sounds like he isn't too thrilled with you being pregnant. Hope he doesn't take a flier on you. Was it planned? Next time, get married first. That way, there is a reasonable expectation by BOTH parties of children.

Answer 14

ask him to care more

Answer 15

while together suggest window shopping and browse the toy stores and baby sections of furniture and clothing stores.  Get talking about baby names and goals for the little one in the years ahead.  He could be nervous or worried -- get him into a comfort zone by sharing your worries or apprehensions so he does not feel like he is the only one that may feel that way.