How do I get my family to understand that My husband and I are different from them?

Question

I am adopted and I come from a very loud Italian family. Boy do they love to party and eat...They love large crowds, fine wine, pool parties and loud bashes....However My husband and I are NOTHING like them. My husband and I are very laid back type of people. We love to eat dinner alone and then visit the zoo or go for a walk in the park...To my family my life is very boring.....We also don't go to bars. My groom and I don't drink..Every time my parents have a dinner party for like 30 people, we leave early. My parents get soo upset that we don't stay and "chat". It gets very annoying. How can I get my parents to respect me and my husband as quiet people.?

Answer 1

I think they realize you and your husband are quiet however, socialize and mingle with the family when you go over there. One night a week or a month isnt going to kill you and your husband to stay out past 11pm. My husband and I are the same way, we rarely drink or go out and our friends laugh that we go to bed by 10pm everynight even on the weekends, haha but that is us. But once in awhile it is fun to mix up the old routine. Maybe next time your parents have a dinner party, get a nap in beforehand and then go and stay and mingle and dont be the first ones to leave, make it a point to stay until at least half the guests have retreated. Maybe even stay in the kitchen and help with the dishes and laugh with your parents. They love you and I am sure they dont mean you are boring in a malicious way!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Try to make time to socialize with your parents outside the dinner parties - invite them over to your house, invite them on your trips to the zoo, whatever. Maybe they simply feel that you aren't spending as much time together as you used to - but it is normal to start spending more time with your spouse and less time with your family when you get married. This happens to everyone, and your family will have to accept it eventually. As far as you being quiet people - you are who you are. It's something else that the family will have to accept and respect. However, no one says that you can't throw them a bone and hang out at the party longer than you normally would - every once in a while. It's ok to make a small effort to play with others.

Answer 3

Just tell them, and thats it. You cant make them listen if they dont want to

Answer 4

You won't.  Accept that they are different from you, and try to be understanding when you invite a few people to your new home and they bring everyone else too!  Continue to handle it as you do, politely reply that you are sorry they are annoyed, but frankly, you were ready to leave, and as an adult, you don't feel the need to get approval to leave when you are ready to do so.  They won't like it, but in about 6 years or so, they will lay off.  My husband's family is very similar-and we just keep leaving when we feel like it.  Sure, they talk about us after we leave, but who cares? We aren't there, and it gives them something to do.  Rather than trying to get them to respect you, just keep being who you are, and respect yourselves.  To cave into their pressure would prove that you aren't the adult that you want them to realize you've become.  You are a grown up now, you don't have to tell Mommy why you do or don't do anything.  Besides, your parents love you, and parents hardly ever see their kids as anything but their babies anyhow.  Don't sweat it.  

Answer 5

you may never get them to understand.

Answer 6

You're just going to have to explain to them that you just don't live the same life style as they do.  State much as you've just stated here.  Your interests aren't the same, you enjoy the quiet alone time w/the ones you love, they enjoy partying w/their friends.  You can tell them that this difference in likes & dislikes makes neither of you rite or wrong as everyone is entitled to their own likes & dislikes.  This is what makes the world go round.  We all cannot ever be expected to like the same things.  We're all made differently (thank God for that!) & we all have our differences of opinions.  Let them know you do respect them enuf to at least show up at their functions, but when it gets to the point of where you've had your fill, you feel it's just time to leave.  Nothing against them, but you certainly have the choice of living the life style that makes you & your husband happy.  It's nothing against them tho & you want them to at least know that.  At least you do show up for their parties, so they can't hold that against you anyway.  But you do have your choice of when you've had enuf, & when it's time to leave, don't feel bad in the least for leaving.  Best to you...:)

Answer 7

Just sit down and talk to them, I would do it alone with them. Just tell them what you said here. You don't like all the drinking and loud parties and stuff. My husband and I shy away from a lot of drinking. To many times we have seen peoples personality change when they have had to much to drink. Some people can be very mean when they drink to much. It caused a lot of problems for us with our daughter and her husband. Every time they asked us over to their home, her husband would drink to much and then say some hurtful things. Usually the things were directed to our daughter but it would make us feel so uncomfortable. I would always say, well it's been nice but we really need to go now. It made our daughter mad. As a matter of fact, she has not spoken to us in nearly a year because she thinks we are really being picky at her husband. It makes me very unhappy but I have learned to live with it. We love her very much and feel she deserves better but it is not our marriage. I hope she tires of being treated like that and does something about it. But if she doesn't there is nothing we can do. My husband and I have been married for 35 years and we have never gone out on New Years Eve because of all the drinking. We don't mind someone having a glass of wine with dinner or maybe even two but most people can't handle much more than that.  Just be honest with them. It might hurt their feelings but they will get over it in time. It's not easy no matter how you handle it. I just think being honest is best. Good luck.

Answer 8

just come out of the closet, and everything will be a-ok.

Answer 9

I would tell them what you just told us.  We love you but we are NOTHING like you.  We dont drink and really enjoy quiet romantic walks.  If they dont get it so what.  Parents usually dont.  Just keep leaving early.  

Answer 10

They never will understand, and they may never respect you. The first part is understandable, because that's what they know and what they think of as family. The second part is because they're not too bright. Nothing you can do about that, either. All you can do it maintain a sense of humor about it. "Time to go dinner at my parents. Does this count as a vacation in Italy?"

Answer 11

Just be direct to them about where u guys stand with that.What i've come to realize with ppl, is that when u are direct w/them, they have no other choice but to accept it, they may not like it, but they just have to accept it, its who u guys are, they cannot expect you guys 2 change for them, that's just ridiculous!

Answer 12

You shouldnt need to get them to understand.  You are who you are and they just have to learn to accept you. I too am a laid back quiet person generally.  Sometimes family may try to change you but they have to learn you are who you are and respect that.

Answer 13

Stick a cannoli in their mouth and tell them to STFU!