How do I get my father involved in my wedding?

Question

Family history is a bit complicated. Mum's passed away and Dad seemingly doesn't want to get involved. How do I ask him for more support and input in the day? He doesn't seem very excited and avoids talking about it. I don't believe he has an issue with the actual upcoming marriage occurring though. I have also clarified with him that we don't expect any financial assistance.

Answer 1

You could sit with him and ask him to be part of your day. Say that it would mean a lot to you for him to be a part of your big day, especially of you want him to walk you down the aisle and have him be part of the grooms party ( i.e. wear a matchin suit etc)

Answer 2

Sit down and tell him you want him to be part of it. He might be holding back because he doesn't want to intrude too much.

Be prepared, though: he might not want to be involved in the way you want. Traditionally men weren't.

Answer 3

My guess is that your dad is missing your mom. If he's so inclined, why not speak to him about how much you miss her too and that sort of thing. Maybe he will open up. Explain how much you need him now and perhaps the two of you can rely on each other to make this bittersweet event happen.

My mom was gone for years before I married and my sisters were more involved with the dress selection and all of that. But, my dad helped us pick the venue and other vendors. Find things for him to do that you think he would enjoy.

Answer 4

Men tend to be very task oriented.  If you simply tell him you'd like for him to be more involved in your wedding, he won't know what to do.  If you ask him which group does he think is a better band--A or B, or does he think you should have chocolate cake or vanilla, he'll be more inclined to help.  Just asking for "emotional support" or "more involvement" likely won't yield any change in behavior.  As for asking for help with "girly stuff" like picking out a dress, he's likely to be clueless.  Don't expect him to take the place of mom in emotional support and help.  He's a guy and wired differently than mom.

Answer 5

Congrats to you!

Whenever you are making a decision, ie invites, reception hall, menu, ask for his input.  If he still resists I would speak with him and make sure that he does not have a problem with anything, also let him know how much it means to you that he is involved.  I don't really want to mention it but, do your fiance and father get along?  It could be as simple as he feels like he is loosing you.  Are you close other wise?  If he feels like the jerk of a man is stealing he little girl away from him you might want to try to do a "Daddy - Daughter" date night.  It could be once a week, one a month.  Hopefully as long as your dad feels like (please excuse the cliche) he is not losing his daughter but gaining a son he will want to be more involved in your big day.

Good Luck!