How do I get my girls to clean up their playroom? I've tried everything!?

Question

My girls (5 & almost 8) just won't clean their playroom. They have no problem making a mess, but they won't clean up.

We've tried everything:

~taking toys away

~grounding from playing outside or with their friends (devastating to the almost 8-year old)

~telling them they can't come out until it's done

~spanking

~taking away TV

~instant rewards if they do it

~reward system, where you award stars for good things, when they get 5 they get to choose from a list they made (going to a park, buying a new movie, going out for ice cream, etc).

Nothing works. We tell them to get their room cleaned up and they go in there and play. They will only clean if we are standing right there watching (and I might as well clean it up then because it's faster).

The only thing that has worked at all is spanking, but it only works short-term. They'll clean up after that, but the next day it's the same thing. Letting them know they will get spanked if they don't clean does not work.

Answer 1

I did the same thing i_8_the_canary did and it does work, as long as you mean business. My daughter flipped out when I got out the trash bag and started filling it up, and I never had to look at another mess.   Kids are smart and they know when you're bluffing.  Don't bluff, mean what you say, and do what you say.  If you don't, they have no reason to believe anything you say.  You have trained them to ignore you.  Those kids are plenty old enough to pick up after themselves, if they won't do it, well, then, they don't need to have anything left to pick up.

Answer 2

If I am reading this right - it isn't a discipline problem where they are refusing to clean it - they go in to clean it but get distracted and start playing - if that is the case, and the room is only used as a playroom just shut the door if the mess bothers you - it's just the age.

If they are refusing to clean it and telling you no (rebellion) - that's different. If that is the case then I would tell them - either you clean it or I will and let them know that your way of cleaning it is getting a big trash bag and whatever isn't put away gets thrown away - and follow through.

Answer 3

probably take away privileges or if going to a relative house or something say they cant go unless they clean.

Answer 4

Once, I went through the family room (where my son's toys are) with a garbage bag.  I loudly announced that I would throw out anything not picked up and put away at the end of 10 minutes.  Then I set a timer that he could see.  Throwing out is more meaningful to kids than taking away.  They assume they will get them back.  But when you get out a big bag and rustle it around, looking with glee at all the toys you get to throw out, they hop to it.  I really did throw out some lego (just to prove that I meant it!  He kept it clean for a week to earn $5 to buy more lego.  Now when I get out the bag and the timer, he runs for his toys!

Answer 5

I have a similar problem. I have actually resorted to telling my daughter she can only play with one toy at a time. If she gets out a second toy before the first one is put back then I take away the first. I also have told her if we continue to have a problem with a messy playroom then I am giving her toys to a little girl with will take care of them and clean them up. I haven't had a problem yet. I am keeping my fingers crossed. But letting her think the toys will go away forever hurts more then taking them away.

Answer 6

Tell them they can not do anything before it is done and make sure you check up on them to see if they are actually picking up and not just playing. If they are just playing then say this is your warning and if I come back and your still not picking up than you will be in time out for however old they are, and than if they aren't put them in time out. If they get up and wont stay there. Be consistent!!!! That was my problem when coming to disciplining my 3  y/o and 21 month old. Please do not spank your kids, it will cause emotional problems when they are older and it is harder to trust your parents when you are older. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 7

make a game out of it. Get them interested. Say that whoever cleans their half of the room fist gets a prize.

Answer 8

I agree with the garbage bag thing, but I wouldn't be quite so extreme as to threaten throwing it away (I wouldn't make a threat I wouldn't follow through on, and that's a pretty big waste of a lot of toys.).  However, I'd say that either they clean the toys or I do, and if I do I keep everything I clean for two weeks.

Two weeks is as long as forever if you're 5....

Answer 9

Your problem is just that you've tried TOO many things.  The only way to really get kids to do something is to be consistent in your response.  If your daughters aren't absolutely certain that they will get a specific kind of unpleasant punishment if they don't clean, then they will continue to make messes.  Whichever form of discipline you pick just stick with it and use it every time they refuse to clean up after themselves.  The continuously changing their discipline methods just will not work.  Personally I'd recommend spanking but just pick whichever form you think is best and stick with it until they learn.

Answer 10

Tell your daughters that anything that is not put away by bed time will be thrown in the trash or given to charity.  And then do it. If they know they can get the toys back later it won't work.  You might give away lots of toys but they will put away the ones they care about and you will have less clutter. It seems that the one thing you haven't tried is consistency. I am going to bet you won't be that tough, but anything less will not work.

Answer 11

very easy solved this one. This was happening with mine. After an hour the room was no cleaner so I told them out. Then I went in with two garbage bags. All the good toys went in one and all the c**p I had been wanting to get rid of in the other. (not c**p to them) then I threw the c**p one in the bin and the other in my room. I said if they kept it clean for a week they would get the bag back otherwise it would be in the bin with the other. After that all I had to say was  "don't worry I will clean it" and they would have the room cleaned in minutes. It is a good way to throw away the c**p(mcDonalds toys, broken etc) that they want to keep and it teaches a good lesson

Answer 12

"We've tried everything:

~taking toys away

~grounding from playing outside or with their friends (devastating to the almost 8-year old)

~telling them they can't come out until it's done

~spanking

~taking away TV

~instant rewards if they do it

~reward system, where you award stars for good things, when they get 5 they get to choose from a list they made (going to a park, buying a new movie, going out for ice cream, etc)."

You haven't tried consitency to begin with.  

Next, something they've been able to do (watch television), at will is NOT a privlige.  Privliges have to be EARNED so when you take away toys or television you're not taking away a privlige, you are just taking away the right for them to watch television at will which is what YOU allowed them to do in the first place.  

What does grounding do?  It forces you to be faced with a whiny child for however the grounding lasts.  And what for?  For not cleaning up a playroom on YOUR timeline?  If the playroom has a door, shut it if you don't want to see the mess.  If it doesn't get a curtain rod and a curtain to hang that can be pulled aside when they go in and out.  If you stop nagging you may find that the playroom gets cleaned up...but on THEIR timeline.  You have designated this area their's by making it  a playroom to begin with, so by being their area they have the right to determine when to tidy up.  As for spanking?  I've never seen  the sense of using physical violence against my children...apes hit their offspring, I have more intelligence than an ape.

Answer 13

Your examples are not clear: clearly you haven't done all of those things b/c they still have toys to mess up their play room with, they are allowed to play with their friends, they aren't currently in the playroom, able to watch tv, etc. I assume that they are currently not still in the playroom with you waiting to release them when they have completed clean-up?? If they are outside of the playroom and it is still messy, then you aren't following through with your discipline....i.e....they know you will cave in, so they do what they want.

Answer 14

tell them that you will take all of there toys away and pretend to throw them in the road

Answer 15

This is similar to what you have done, but I guarantee you that it will work.

First, commit yourself to not doing it yourself, even if it's faster. Who cares how fast it happens? Just don't do it any more. (And don't worry -- this system really works.)

Sit the girls down. Explain to them that they are responsible for cleaning the playroom, and that's not going to change, but you will enable them to decide *how long* they have to pick up the playroom every day. They will also have an additional 10 minutes of cleaning time on Saturday when they dust, sweep, vaccuum and wipe windows, but picking up has to happen every day.

Ask them how long they think they should have to pick up. 10 minutes? 5 minutes? 15 minutes? Whatever -- let THEM decide (they have to agree).

When they have decided how long they will clean up, it's time to let the other shoe drop. Say they pick 5 minutes.

Get a timer and get some trash bags. Explain that you are going to permanently reduce the number of toys in the playroom so that they can pick up the room in 5 minutes. You are going to send them into the playroom and start the time. They are to pick up their favorite toys first, as fast as they can, and put them away. Not shove them under something, but seriously put them away properly. At the end of the 5 minutes, they have to leave the room.

Then you are going to go into the room with your trashbags and bag up absolutely everything else. You have the option of using three bags -- one that's garbage, one that is going to charity, and a third marked "eBay" for stuff that you want to sell. (You keep the money, of course.) They will never see those toys again. They will never get a chance to earn them. They are going to be gone forever. And from then on, whenever they get a new toy (birthday, Christmas, whatever), they have to take one toy out of the playroom to get rid of PERMANENTLY, before the new toy can go in. Otherwise, the new toy stays in the box and you return it to the store or sell it on eBay and pocket the money.

Explain all this to them carefully. Make sure they get it. Ask them if they would like to up their cleaning time by a minute or two. Usually, they do -- sometimes they'll go up 5 or 10 more minutes. Whatever, just let them decide and agree on it.

When the agreement is struck and everybody shakes hands -- you can even write it out and make them sign it -- it's time to get busy. Set the timer at whatever minutes they decided on and turn them lose. When they are done, kick them out of the room and take care of the rest of the toys. If something is not put away properly, take it. Be ruthless, really. In the long run, it's going to save your sanity.

Then IMMEDIATELY, get rid of the toys. Put them out for the trash collector or take them to charity or list them on eBay or whatever. They are done.

Now, every day, you have to get them in the toy room for the allotted time and they have to pick up for the minutes they agree on. In theory, all the toys should be easily put away in their time limit. If they dawdle, however, they pay the price. Kick them out of the room at the end of their cleaning time and get rid of whatever toys are not put away properly.

Seriously, they might end up with only a dozen toys between them. So much the better. It's easier for them to clean up, and less of an eyesore for you.

You have to stick to your guns, though. They have to pick up every day, and you have to be willing to permanently get rid of the toys they don't pick up and keep a stern limit on those new toys that come in forcing out old ones.

Don't forget to make them dust, sweep and vaccuum on Saturday. My 8-, 5- and 4-yr olds can do it -- maybe not to my standards, but they can do it.

Answer 16

I've had this problem too!  First step is to look at the playroom and make sure it is easy to clean.  I invested in the plastic storage carts with clear drawers, but any collection of buckets, tubs and bins will work.  Clearly label (with permanent marker or a sign) what goes into each container and draw a simple picture when possible.  Now every toy has a place and it is easy to put them away.  The next step is not to wait until bedtime, when they are tired and the mess is largest.  We take several cleaning breaks per day.  (Before every snack and meal we spend 15 minutes cleaning.)  At the end of the day they do the big clean where all toys are put away.  This usually isn't much, as they have been tidying all day.  Kids are easily overwhelmed by TOO much, and won't know where to start or how to follow through.  This should help.  I also do 'zone' cleaning, where they each have to clean a particular corner of the play room.  They are done cleaning when their area is done.  Good luck, and remember that it gets easier if you stick with one predictable consequence.